Relationship Question For Sufferers

[Friday]

In this case, it sounds like there are some communication problems and trouble on his part following through on what he says he is going to do. That has nothing to do with PTSD

Lol... Except for the whole avoidance, isolating, anxiety, shut down, push-pull thing ;)

 

[queen]

Thank you @FridayJones !. That's where my brain was at too when I tried (perhaps inarticulately) to point out above. It seems like all I've read and discussed with sufferers, that's spot on.

 

[journey31]

Okay, so, I have PTSD, and I don't do this. Not with someone I am close to anyway. With casual acqu...

I've talked to him about this. He said this is just him. He doesn't need to talk every day. Which we normally do. He said it wasn't me. Bc he was being distant.
We talked about him ignoring me in the past and he said he wasn't. I don't even know if he realizes how long we're going without talking.

 

[journey31]

This is where I get really confused. I've read some sufferers say that yes, absolutely, their PTSD has a l...

Same here. I'm confused. Bad behavior or PTSD? One person says it's symptomatic one says no.

 

[journey31]

Lol... Except for the whole avoidance, isolating, anxiety, shut down, push-pull thing ;)

Yeah. I thought that was textbook symptomatology. And he's definitely isolating. But he did just bury a friend two weeks ago. Drunk driver hit him.

 

[InvisibleSun]

That's what this is. Come here, go away. And I have no idea how to respond. I haven't talked to him in a week. I've sent one text with no response.

When I contacted him last week to see if he was mad at me bc he was not responding. He said no. This is just him.
But this is a change in behavior. So I'm confused

I definitely feel your pain..I have an ex with PTSD and our relationship followed that pattern of behavior to a tee. Literally identical. He was unstable, unreliable, and his behavior completely unpredictable. I would not invest too much emotionally into this relationship until he's a little more stable..keep your distance, let him know you'll be there, and allow him to initiate contact. But also know when to walk away if he is unable support your emotional needs. I would hate to see you hurt because of this. And PTSD is known to destroy relationships.. I should know, I've ruined a many over the years myself. I don't mean to sound pessimistic, I just want to be honest.

Love is overwhelming for those with PTSD. It requires trust and allows for vulnerability..which is painful and scary. It forces us to feel...when we've become so numb and empty inside. It brings happiness.. when the guilt and shame tell us we don't deserve it. So we shut down, and push away. Hating ourselves for it. Wanting love and not knowing how to accept it. How to show it. How to feel it. I cannot speak for all those who suffer except myself, but I know that this is a very sad cycle that many, many sufferers perpetuate and, as a result, continuously spiral into a world of darkness and isolation. This is not your fault and it is not his either..he just needs help. Love is not impossible..but you both are in for one hell of a ride. Best of luck with this..hang in there!

 

[journey31]

I definitely feel your pain..I have an ex with PTSD and our relationship followed that pattern of b...

I'm already there emotionally. I love the guy. Damn sure can't tell him. I think he would really clam up. He's talking again. So that's good. I just want him to trust me.
My friend who knows small details thinks he loves me, too. But won't let himself actually do it. And keeps fighting it.

 

[shimmerz]

And he's definitely isolating. But he did just bury a friend two weeks ago. Drunk driver hit him.

Okay, sorry.... rant coming. Why was this not included in the original posting? Burying a friend who has just died suddenly, violently, needlessly is a horror for anyone, let alone someone with PTSD. It is completely overwhelming to lose a friend. 'Normal' people go into severe depressions, deal with guilt, anger, to name just a few emotions. Add to that potential attachment issues and how that would play into such a scenario.

Suggestion:

What if the post title was this:
Friend just buried a friend due to drunk driver.
My friend is not returning my calls and I don't know why he is being so distant. He just buried a friend due to drunk driving but i don't get why he isn't calling me. Could it be because he has the flu?

Seriously. I am sorry. We are human. We should not be defined by our PTSD. This is a human response to a human tragedy. Treat him as a badly hurting and grieving human being right now.

 

[sun seeker]

I agree with what @shimmerz says above.

This is a bit of a rant of my own, and it is based on many, many posts by supporters where I see the same theme repeated. The theme goes something like this: "My boyfriend is being a total jerk. Do I continue to allow it because he has PTSD?" I bristle at posts like that. Don't they see that by this kind of question they are implying, on a board of PTSD sufferers, that people with PTSD are jerks?

I got a bit of this impression from this thread and a few of the responses to it, which was the reason for my post saying "not everyone with PTSD necessarily acts like this."

But now, with the new information, things change yet again. He just lost a friend. That would affect anyone. Not everything a person with PTSD does is defined by PTSD. We are human.

And so are you. This is why I suggested not focusing so much on what you should tolerate because of his PTSD, but what you feel able to handle, because in the end, whether you can handle his behaviour and still stay grounded and happy matters a lot more than whether his behaviour is normal for PTSD or any other diagnosis. It sounds like you might have to live with some uncertainty. Can you, or is it too distressing for you? That is the question.

 

[journey31]

Okay, sorry.... rant coming. Why was this not included in the original posting? Burying a friend who...

That's not what my post was about. It was if they can tell you care. It transitioned into another subject. This wasn't about what he's doing now. It's about if he can tell in general that I care.

 

[journey31]

I agree with what @shimmerz says above.

This is a bit of a rant of my own, and it...

My post was asking if he can see I care. Not why is he pulling away. That part I know. I know why he's pulling away. It's obvious. It wasn't even what I asked about.
It just kinda flowed when discussing our relationship more.

 

[shimmerz]

That's what this is. Come here, go away. And I have no idea how to respond. I haven't talked to him in a week. I've sent one text with no response.
I know he's had a lot going on. Probably too much for someone without ptsd to handle well. And he told me he was doing bad about the weeks ago. But said there was nothing I could do.

This ^^^^
Does not match

That's not what my post was about.

This. ^^^^

If you had spoken about the months or years that this has been happening I would understand it. The problem is, as far as I am concerned, his humanity (in this posting) is taking a back seat to his PTSD.