Sufferer Ptsd From Childhood Trauma. Looking For Friends

[katz]

Hello, everyone. I'm just starting to get used to sharing my story. I was so glad to find a forum for people who had similar stories to mine.
I tried to tell my family about my abuse. The whole family erupted at me! There was yelling and accusing of me that I started all this. No one believed me. Instead I was blamed for it. I needed to be accepted so much that I apoligized to my family and said that I must have been mistaken. Basically, I was re-traumatized. Since then, no one wants anything to do with me. I will never have any relationship to my nieces. My sister has not been to my "new" house for 14 years. When I got married, after the wedding, everyone went back to our house to open gifts--she and her family went home.
I have what feels to me as no family. Even though I'm married (for 8 years now) I still feel so alone. I wish that I could be accepted back into the family. I want to be loved. The little child inside of me wants to be loved--soooo much. Even saying this brings tears to my eyes.

I went a long time not even believing myself. I finally found a letter that was wrote to God, by a little girl. (me) She was looking for protection, she couldn't understand why no one loved her. I know now that it really happened. I just wish I could show them this letter and then everything would be ok again.

Of course I can't. Now I have to help this little girl deep, deep down inside me. I have to learn to love her. She needs/wants it so much.

 

[RavenGirl]

Sadly the more people I tell my story, the more people I find that have been through the same type of trauma! Sorry you have between there too; sorry your family treated you the way they did! !:devilish: In proud of you for having the courage to share here; I've found others here to be very supportive and understanding. :) Please don't let your family take away your voice. You deserve to be heard, and your inner child deserves to be validated for what happened to her. :tup: One thing I truly believe is this, family ISN'T about blood quantum. Family is about who's there for you when you need them. Family is about who supports you and loves you unconditionally, blood has NOTHING to do with it. ;) I hope you find some friends who can be "family" for you. Welcome. :hug:

 

[Jenn-f]

I can relate to you a lot, it's a lonely life having PTSD. My family don't understand & my Dad can't accept that I have PTSD & what's caused it, that's why I'm here on this site.......look me up maybe we can chat sometime x

 

[katz]

I can relate to you a lot, it's a lonely life having PTSD. My family don't understand & my Dad can't acce...

Hi, Jenn-f
Thanks for your note. I know that I will never be able to tell again. Maybe I will find the strength to try again--after the folks are both gone. (sad) I have not had much of a relationship with family for quite a while. I was close to my brother for many years. When I was in my 20's . He helped me thru a lot. Especially my grandpa. It was easy for everyone to blame all my problems on him-he was deceased. They were not prepared for the many others. It was too much for them. :(

 

[Ocean5]

Welcome Stilte! I think you will find many people here who can relate a lot. I know I can…inconsistent with friends, don’t like groups of more than 1 (maybe 2 sometimes,) and no support. I still don’t know how, or whom to explain ptsd to, nor who to tell... People don't know what to say....

@katz My father kept asking what he ever did to traumatize me after we reconnected. That he could handle it (b.s.) Finally emailed him. Guess what – he couldn’t. Told never to contact again. This is after we started to rebuild a relationship over a year that he "ended" first time when I was in college.

Guess he didn't like the truth. All that lost energy on someone who just turns his back on his son for a 2nd time. Guess he can't handle his own guilt.

He disowns me in my time of most need..... So screwed-up.

@RavenGirl Have to agree blood runs pretty thin....