Relationship I Have Completely Lost My Sh*t

[Wastinglight]

Can't eat
Can't sleep
Can't think

I have begged, pleaded, sunk to the lowest depths to try to get him to change his mind. I hate myself for it but the pain is so intense I cannot bear it.

He says he feels nothing for me now, so what is the point of giving me a second chance.

I am reeling. I feel like i am spinning out of control. I know deep down that he will never change his mind but I cannot accept it.

 

[journey31]

I'm sorry. I don't know the backstory but I know breakups are hell.

 

[mrsps]

I am sorry you are hurting so much and understand the feeling of not knowing what to do with yourself when you feel so hurt.

He says he feels nothing for me now

As you know you cant change how someone else feels. You are worth more than someone who feels nothing for you, you are worth someone who loves u for who you are. I know right now its hard to think of anything else but there is someone else out there who is the perfect fit for you.
Hang in there and be kind to yourself, you can get through these feelings you have right now.
((hugs))

 

[Sweetpea76]

(((((Hugs))))) @Wastinglight

I know there isn't much I can say right now, except you are in my thoughts x

 

[Wastinglight]

Thanks @Sweetpea76, @mrsps, @journey31. We actually had a reasonable conversation this morning, so that triggered my brain-in-denial again - it has revolted again and I tried to reason with him again. I know I need to get out of this house - while I can still see and talk to him, I will keep wanting to try to "get through" to him - it's a desperate compulsion more than anything else, I know he won't change his mind.

I am reasonably certain that once I move out, I will not contact him again, except if required for practical purposes of tying up our affairs. Probably. I really hope I don't - I've already acted more pathetically than I have ever behaved in my life - I'm sure I will end up feeling very humiliated and disgusted with myself about my behaviour today. I have to make sure that I tie up as many loose ends as I can before I move out so I don't keep thinking up "legitimate" reasons to get in touch. I don't know if he will contact me after I move out, but my gut says he probably will. Not to say any of the things that I am desperately hoping he will say, but rather he will want to reassure himself that he's still a "nice guy" - and it will be harder for him to do that if I stop speaking to him. From what he was saying this morning, it sounds like he's more concerned about being regarded as an asshole than anything else right now.

I shouldn't want this guy - the very fact he doesn't want me anymore should be reason enough. But also because our relationship was so limited. I thought I saw it blossoming into something more, but no. At least he's stopped citing most of the really ridiculous reasons that he gave earlier in the week for wanting to break up. Now he's just sticking to: by snooping in my stuff, you broke my trust, so now I don't love you anymore.

I have owned up to everything I've done, as if that will help, but really, he has the right to break up with me for any reason he likes - he doesn't need my approval. I wish I would/could just give up on him. I think I have to stop having conversations with him - it makes me feel like there's hope, every time we talk normally together.

I had a look at a rental place this morning that seemed okay. I will ring the real estate agent on Monday, hopefully it's still available.

Eventually I will be able to relish having the freedom to do all the things I wasn't able to do without pissing him off - like, singing in the house, getting to choose which TV shows to watch, having phone conversations with my family members anywhere in the house that I want, leaving the bathroom cabinet door slightly open when I'm in a hurry, not making the bed straightaway, etc, etc. I'm trying not to focus on all the things we used to do together, and even all the things I had hoped we would to together, once he was well enough to do them. *sigh*

 

[Livy's Mom]

Please don't beat yourself up. Everything you are doing I have done and I believe most of us supporter have.

It's hard to just "move on" straight away when they do this because it is so abrupt and our brains can't make sense of it. That denial I assume is your brain just trying to play catch up with the events that have unfolded so quickly and rationalize how or why.

It can't be rationalized because it isn't rational and the longer you fight to try to make sense of it the longer you will seek to fix it.

You can't fix it. I wish you could. I know it must be incredibly difficult to keep control of the impulse to talk since you are living in the same home but you must try.

Every push from you will result in a pull away from him leaving you more hurt.

I know you have heard this a million times before and it seems impossible to do but you have to let go.

Letting go doesn't have to mean you walk away and don't leave a small space open in your heart for him to return if that's the way it is meant to be but it DOES mean you let go of trying to convince, barter, or negotiate.

You must focus solely on yourself. I really do understand. I do. I have a 3 year old daughter with my guy. I can't tell you how badly I want to do what your doing but I've learned from my previous attempts it only enclaves the situation.

I promise you that when you let go of trying to change the outcome. The outcome will change. It may not turn out to be he miraculously realizes he wants to save the relationship but I can tell you that the outcome will be you in less pain and you will have renewed hope of what the future can hold for YOU.

Many people on the forum have given me this same advice and my only regret is not taking it sooner.

We are all here and we feel what you feel. Continue to let it out here and we will never be tired of hearing what you have on your heart.

Sending strength your way but just a little because I need a shit ton for myself right now! Hahaha!

 

[Wastinglight]

Thank you @Livy's Mom - good advice, and eventually I will take it. Hopefully starting tomorrow. I can't imagine how impossibly hard it must be with kids in the mix. Hope things are getting better for you.

 

[Livy's Mom]

You will take the advice whenever your ready... We all do!

At a minimum try your very best to not place blame on yourself for his words or actions. Even when you do get a little "persistent" haha.

I hope your having a better day and remember tomorrow is another opportunity to do things differently.

 

[Justmehere]

:hug: @Wastinglight

 

[Della]

@ Waistinglight, I know how you feel baby, but don't push him to come back and don't pressure him into trying to talk him to come back to you. If you do, you're only going to cause him to hate you and not be around you at all. He may block your number so you can't call him. That's what mine did to me. I only can talk to him on his office phone and I have to leave a message on his phone at his office. So, give him at least a month and try to talk to him. Let him breath a little bit because if you don't it's going to get very ugly.

 

[Wastinglight]

@ Waistinglight, I now how you feel baby, but don't push him to come back and don't pressure him into try...

Thanks for this, but I will not be contacting him for any reason except necessary practical reasons once I move out. He said to me yesterday that he's not goingoto come crawling back later on. I said I was not suggesting he will but he may find his feelings change once his stress levels come down. In fact, I even told him that I thought that, even if he regrets his decision, I bet he still won't reach out to me - his anxiety and fear of rejection will prevent that (and possibly also pride). I'm not doing this to call his bluff. I think subconsciously I've been pushing him so far that he will end up cutting contact. Because if he tries to stay in my life in any capacity, I will find it difficult to cut him off because I wil hang on to any tiny sliver of hope. I dont want to hang on to hope, I think i should move on. But I have stopped trying to reason with him now, its not fair on him.

 

[Della]

Well baby, I guess the best thing now for you to do is cut your losses in that aspect and try to move on and try to heal yourself. Sometimes it's just too much water under the bridge and sometimes those feelings never come back for that person. Why did you push him so hard in the relationship? You were not getting what you needed in the relationship or was he just flat out neglecting your emotional and physical needs? Or he just was not doing the things that you wanted him to do or be the way that you wanted him to be? I'm sorry that it didn't work out but don't beat yourself up over it. You need some breathing room to get past this relationship honey and please try not to take the emotional damage that you sustained in this relationship into the next one because the next person does not need to feel the repercussions from this relationship. Best of luck to you dear. :-)