Things don't get better with time, they get worse.The life I live now is a far cry from what it was as a kid. Friends have left in droves to be popular and the remaining ones have grown colder and indifferent. I'm isolated from most human contact so I spend my time wandering aimlessly in my increasingly insane thoughts. Things are not going to get better. They're going to get a lot worse. Assuming I make it to my dream, I'll be a friendless dreamer imprisoned in my own mind. People like me are not successful. They don't have families. They don't have friends. They are treated with scorn and fear, and if they are remembered at all, it is only as a vague recollection of a miserable outcast that was best avoided or as a notorious criminal.This is my path. I don't want to be sixty years old and have nothing but regrets and hatred. I don't want to die having felt so much denial and sadness. No matter what I do, I will cease to exist forever at the moment of my death. Everything that I am will be gone. No emotions, no thoughts, nothing whatsoever. There's no reason not to take a shortcut and distribute my atoms to become something that doesn't feel pain or loss.
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Why Shouldn't I Commit Suicide?
- Post starter aXXomus
- Start date
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Seasounds
Diamond Member
Because I care.
Neverthesame
Diamond Member
I can tell you a few things for sure.
First, if you go now. It's not going to get better. The dead don't get better.
I'm not going to lie to you, it's hard, damn hard. Everything worth fighting for usually is right?
Secondly, the only person who you owe anything to is you. The only person who's opinion of you that matters is you. You are not on this earth to please people. You're here to live your life.
If you can positively affect other people along the way, great. Worry about you first.
Are you in therapy? I highly recommend it. It helps, it really really does. It's f*cking hard and frustrating, but it helps.
How do you know that all people who suffer like this, never make it anywhere? You would be stunned at how many people have been through horrible shit. Also depends on what you mean by being successful.
Maybe your current goal set is a little lofty for how you feel right now. I'm not saying that you shouldn't have dreams, or ambitions for great things. Because you should, you deserve it. The most successful people in the world, all had to start somewhere. Have some of them had it easier than you? Undoubtedly. That's just life.
Finally, I want you to think about something as well. You're probably not going to like this, sorry. But it's important to think about. Your suffering doesn't end with you.
Someone has to find you after. Even though they are trained professionals. It still hurts to see a person who felt like that was their only way out.
Now I didn't say all of that to be judgmental, or to lay a guilt trip on you, honest. I just want to give you some things to think about. I have nothing but sympathy for you. I hope you can find some hope for your life. I really, really do.
You don't deserve to go out that way, no one does.
First, if you go now. It's not going to get better. The dead don't get better.
I'm not going to lie to you, it's hard, damn hard. Everything worth fighting for usually is right?
Secondly, the only person who you owe anything to is you. The only person who's opinion of you that matters is you. You are not on this earth to please people. You're here to live your life.
If you can positively affect other people along the way, great. Worry about you first.
Are you in therapy? I highly recommend it. It helps, it really really does. It's f*cking hard and frustrating, but it helps.
How do you know that all people who suffer like this, never make it anywhere? You would be stunned at how many people have been through horrible shit. Also depends on what you mean by being successful.
Maybe your current goal set is a little lofty for how you feel right now. I'm not saying that you shouldn't have dreams, or ambitions for great things. Because you should, you deserve it. The most successful people in the world, all had to start somewhere. Have some of them had it easier than you? Undoubtedly. That's just life.
Finally, I want you to think about something as well. You're probably not going to like this, sorry. But it's important to think about. Your suffering doesn't end with you.
Someone has to find you after. Even though they are trained professionals. It still hurts to see a person who felt like that was their only way out.
Now I didn't say all of that to be judgmental, or to lay a guilt trip on you, honest. I just want to give you some things to think about. I have nothing but sympathy for you. I hope you can find some hope for your life. I really, really do.
You don't deserve to go out that way, no one does.
SnowBirch22
Bronze Member
What do you mean by "people like me"?What do you think you are that makes your life not worthy of living?
This tells me that you hate yourself but I don't understand why. You're worthy of love just like everyone else in this world.
If I'd have ended it the number of times I felt on the brink of suicide, I would never have found out that things do get better. I'd never have met the love of my life & never have inherited my beloved pets.
The very fact that you've written this also tells me that as bad (and from experience that's an understatement) as you may feel right now or for however long; this dire feeling does pass. It feels right now like it's all clear & it makes sense to end your life, but your mind tells you some weird shit when you're suicidal.
It does get better. I can't say it's not going to be a rocky road, & you're suddenly going to find life doesn't give you lemons when you're at your lowest. But don't give up! Please...
Everything you've been through so far has led you to this very point in time. Are you telling me that the reason for everything you've seen, done & felt that led you to this point in time is for you to end your life?!
You're worthy of love, happiness, & life itself no matter who you are or what you are. Don't think about the past or the future. Focus on the present. Go make yourself a cup of tea & focus on breathing. I'm counting on you to still be breathing in an hour's time. Take it a minute at a time if you have to. Just keep breathing & don't give up on yourself. I'm not giving up on you!
This tells me that you hate yourself but I don't understand why. You're worthy of love just like everyone else in this world.
If I'd have ended it the number of times I felt on the brink of suicide, I would never have found out that things do get better. I'd never have met the love of my life & never have inherited my beloved pets.
The very fact that you've written this also tells me that as bad (and from experience that's an understatement) as you may feel right now or for however long; this dire feeling does pass. It feels right now like it's all clear & it makes sense to end your life, but your mind tells you some weird shit when you're suicidal.
It does get better. I can't say it's not going to be a rocky road, & you're suddenly going to find life doesn't give you lemons when you're at your lowest. But don't give up! Please...
Everything you've been through so far has led you to this very point in time. Are you telling me that the reason for everything you've seen, done & felt that led you to this point in time is for you to end your life?!
You're worthy of love, happiness, & life itself no matter who you are or what you are. Don't think about the past or the future. Focus on the present. Go make yourself a cup of tea & focus on breathing. I'm counting on you to still be breathing in an hour's time. Take it a minute at a time if you have to. Just keep breathing & don't give up on yourself. I'm not giving up on you!
I'm not Spiderman
Bronze Member
You are not alone. You are not the only person with trauma who has had these feelings. We are all here too with you.
I used to feel unworthy, unloved, disgusted with myself, shame, guilt and pain. I felt like the only way out of my trauma and pain was suicide. I felt like it was the only way to end the suffering. I had just had enough of life and the world and there was no way out of it.
I used to feel this way, but not anymore. I spoke to somebody I trusted and I got professional help. I learned to rebuild my life and I reached out to others.
I won't lie to you - yes I still have difficulties and trauma is not resolved overnight. However I am no longer suicidal. I am happy to be alive and I am in a better place now. If you asked me to tell you how many times I felt suicidal I would not be able to tell you. I have lost count of the number of times I have thought about suicide. I have even made a few attempts on my life. If this sounds like you, just know that you are not the only one, but it doesn't have to be this way.
I am so sorry that you have these feelings. I know how crippling it can be and honestly I would not wish this on my worst enemy.
What makes me feel sorry is that another human being out there in the world did something so terrible to you that it made you feel that your life was not worth living. I want you to know that IT IS. I just want anybody reading this to know that life, and especially your life, is definitely worth living.
Suicide is not chosen; it happens when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain. Remember that relief is a feeling. And you have to be alive to feel it. You will not feel the relief you so desperately seek, if you are dead.
Make sure you are safe - make your health and happiness a priority. I look back on the horror story that was my life and compare it with today. It is remarkable, and worrying but it makes me realise that life can be beautiful. The beauty is that you have more power than you know. You just have to wait and see...
I used to feel unworthy, unloved, disgusted with myself, shame, guilt and pain. I felt like the only way out of my trauma and pain was suicide. I felt like it was the only way to end the suffering. I had just had enough of life and the world and there was no way out of it.
I used to feel this way, but not anymore. I spoke to somebody I trusted and I got professional help. I learned to rebuild my life and I reached out to others.
I won't lie to you - yes I still have difficulties and trauma is not resolved overnight. However I am no longer suicidal. I am happy to be alive and I am in a better place now. If you asked me to tell you how many times I felt suicidal I would not be able to tell you. I have lost count of the number of times I have thought about suicide. I have even made a few attempts on my life. If this sounds like you, just know that you are not the only one, but it doesn't have to be this way.
I am so sorry that you have these feelings. I know how crippling it can be and honestly I would not wish this on my worst enemy.
What makes me feel sorry is that another human being out there in the world did something so terrible to you that it made you feel that your life was not worth living. I want you to know that IT IS. I just want anybody reading this to know that life, and especially your life, is definitely worth living.
Suicide is not chosen; it happens when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain. Remember that relief is a feeling. And you have to be alive to feel it. You will not feel the relief you so desperately seek, if you are dead.
Make sure you are safe - make your health and happiness a priority. I look back on the horror story that was my life and compare it with today. It is remarkable, and worrying but it makes me realise that life can be beautiful. The beauty is that you have more power than you know. You just have to wait and see...
I've been there and know what it's like, I swore back then that I would never go there again.
But that was a couple of months ago, and to be honest I feel myself slipping down that road again?
I'm desperately trying my best to keep above all that, but things have been going from bad to worse recently, and I have no control over what's happening.
I took one of them knock out pills recently, as I've not had a full nights sleep for ages, and it worked wonders. The doctor will only give me seven of them at a time, ever since I tried to top myself back then.
If I get this legal problem sorted, I feel sure that will make all the difference to me, as it is wearing me down!
But that was a couple of months ago, and to be honest I feel myself slipping down that road again?
I'm desperately trying my best to keep above all that, but things have been going from bad to worse recently, and I have no control over what's happening.
I took one of them knock out pills recently, as I've not had a full nights sleep for ages, and it worked wonders. The doctor will only give me seven of them at a time, ever since I tried to top myself back then.
If I get this legal problem sorted, I feel sure that will make all the difference to me, as it is wearing me down!
Hope you will be ok Gadgie. My comments stand for you too.
Yea! My sister can't understand it, but then she thinks that the doctors are the same as the ones in Holland, that they care and get involved with their patients?
In fact, my sister is my only contact with the outside world, we face time every night now, after I got back in touch with her, after a gap of twenty odd years?
We fell out over the divorce of my first wife.
In fact, my sister is my only contact with the outside world, we face time every night now, after I got back in touch with her, after a gap of twenty odd years?
We fell out over the divorce of my first wife.
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