Sexual Assault Is It Strange For A Mother To Ask A Child To Touch Her?

[bellaheart]

hello i made another post wondering if i was molested as a child earlier but i want to be more specific in my pursuit.

i have a memory of my mother telling me that if a stranger touches my genitals it is wrong, but if she does it, then it would be okay. one day my mother and i were talking about my school friend and my mother told me that my friend was still being breastfed by her own mother. i asked her if it was bad, and she said it wasnt. she then asked me if i wanted to be 'breastfed' by her. i dont know what i said to her but i ended up doing it. i dont remember if shd said anything to me while i did it to her. after that, i remember wanting my mother to grope me when i was sleeping next to her. is that a strange thing for a mother to ask her child to do?

 

[Deleted member 29920]

It sounds like sexual abuse to me, what age were you?

 

[bellaheart]

It sounds like sexual abuse to me, what age were you?

i was pretty young, probably 2nd or 3rd grade

 

[anonymous]

i have a memory of my mother telling me that if a stranger touches my genitals it is wrong, but if she does it, then it would be okay.

Depends on context, age of child etc

 

[digger]

have a memory of my mother telling me that if a stranger touches my genitals it is wrong, but if she does it, then it would be okay

Sorry somehow managed to press all the wrong buttons there! This one depends on context, age of child etc if the rest of the conversation was in a safety/educational sense but explaining exceptions where, with a small child, a parent may need to assist for health/hygiene etc then there is a place for this kind of conversation.

The breastfeeding memory is another matter. I have no idea what age 2nd or 3rd grade relates to (different country, different education system) . In some cultures, and some theories of parenting, breastfeeding continues for longer than it does in others. That in itself isn't necessarily a problem if it's about meeting the needs of the child, but if you were well past the age of being weaned yourself then this wasn't about meeting your needs and would constitute abuse in my opinion.

 

[bellaheart]

hello thank you for your reply! 2nd or 3rd grade for me was probably 7 or 8 years of age. i live in the US, my parents are Korean. i just never thought it was normal because most mothers stop breastfeeding after they are 1 or 2 and are old enough to drink milk from a bottle.

 

[digger]

It is rare in most cultures to continue to breastfeed to that sort of age (although I should add that I don't know anything really about Korean culture specifically). There would be no valid reason, that I can think of, for your mother to ask you to 'breastfeed' as a one off like that - and, unless you have younger siblings who she was currently breastfeeding at the time, she wouldn't even have had milk anyway if you were weaned at age 1 or 2, so I can't see it being about breastfeeding in the sense of nurturing you as a child.

 

[Intrepid]

I know that a child has needs. Those needs can be undermined when a child has to assume adult (or infant) behaviors, duties, roles, or is asked to be an adult companion, friend or comforter. A child's needs can also be undermined when he or she is interacted with in a way that normally would require adult understandings to deal with.

The feelings you experienced are normal, for an adult interacting with an adult partner. When a non-infant child interacts with a parent in this way it normally brings about these feelings. However, they are overwhelming, confusing, and create emotional injuries that is hard to correct.

 

[Suzetig]

I think it's really difficult to say whether what happened was ok or not in a general sense because so much depends on context, age, developmental stage, capacity, culture etc etc. what's considered normal varies hugely depending on all of those things - some families are very physical with each other and some aren't, there are wildly different views on extended breastfeeding and I could, for example see a mum explaining breastfeeding and being ok with her daughter trying it out, I could see the explanation re touching being given at that age to interdict the idea of personal boundaries, family members having different boundaries eye. I could also see signs of abuse in exactly the same scenarios.

What I do hear is that you have concerns that something is/was wrong but only professionals who get to know you and assess you can help you make sense of it. I would warn against letting random people from the internet inform your thinking about whether you've been abused. You don't know us, we all have different knowledge levels abs experiences which inform how we would see the situation you describe. There are many, many situations that would explain your feelings and what you see in your own reactions to things. Sexual abuse is just one of these, but so is physical or emotional abuse - which you've already described and know is there - and so is the normal processes of development at your age and stage. I get that you're worried, searching and looking for answers, I just fear you're looking for them in the wrong place. Work on what you know is an issue and find real life people who can help you figure the rest out?

 

[Queen Boudica]

What do you mean by grope you? Did she grope you, or you wanted her to? The telling you that it is OK for her to touch your genitals does not sound like abuse, did she actually touch your genitals for any reason?

The breastfeeding, I don't understand, unless she had milk, and was breastfeeding a younger child, otherwise it could not be breast FEEDING. And children forget how to suckle after they have been weaned, so I don't understand what would have been involved then. Did it continue or was it only once?

It doesn't sound like abuse.

 

[Queen Boudica]

. I would warn against letting random people from the internet inform your thinking about whether you've been abused. You don't know us, we all have different knowledge levels abs experiences which inform how we would see the situation you describe.

Yes, if you really think this was sexual abuse then see a therapist. We can only give opinions and I don't think anyone can say you were abused from what you have written here. A psychologist would be qualified in dealing with this, but no-one should be 'planting' ideas about abuse you need to remember and explain yourself and get a qualified diagnosis

 

[Queen Boudica]

See the title of this is misleading. From what you are explaining she asked you if you wanted to breast feed. That is a bit different from asking you to touch her? That's my take on it.