What Will Happen If You Stop Thinking About It?

[Dana1010]

What do you think will happen if you stop thinking about the trauma? I think most of us here suffer from repetitive, obsessive thoughts of past traumatic incidents and triggers, and for me it's probably been the most stubborn, indefatigable symptom. Most of the time, I feel like the thoughts are out of control, like they're having me rather than I'm having them. But that can't be right, can it? We have to have ultimate control over which thoughts we think, or we couldn't direct ourselves through even the simplest daily tasks. So we really are choosing to think these thoughts because for some reason we don't want to stop. What is that reason?

I can hardly say what not thinking of it is like, because I've had so little success at it. When I'm pulled back and tethered to the thoughts after the rare moment of silence, certain thoughts usually precipitate it. They range from laughably irrational and fanciful to, I think, somewhat plausible. To wit:

If I stop thinking of it, the person is going to find me and harm me somehow.

If I stop thinking of it, I'll forget about all the dangerous people and situations around me and wind up getting traumatized all over again.

If I stop thinking of it, I will revert to an ignorant, naive mentality and walk around with my head in the clouds.

If I stop thinking of it, then I'm letting them get away with it.

I thought it might be helpful for all of us to examine why we don't want to stop thinking about it, so we can see how irrational the reasons are, or if there is some plausibility to them, how we can get over them anyway. So what do you think will happen?

 

[The Albatross]

At times there is no control over it, but mostly I have stopped thinking about "it"... most all of "it". The question then becomes, now what? It is pretty disorienting at first.

 

[Dana1010]

It is pretty disorienting at first.

Tell me about it. The silence is deafening. It shakes my whole identity when I'm finally without the anger and rage and desire for revenge that have defined me for years. I just feel like a void.

 

[Fadeaway]

Part of the disorder, is that we can't stop thinking about it. I do not choose to think about 75% of the time. I actively try to avoid thinking about it, unless it is in therapy or or trying work on symptoms. I am certainly not trying to think about it when I wake up from a dead sleep with the thoughts in my mind.

I am probably coming off a little defensiveness, and I don't mean to, I have just heard, "Stop dwelling on it." one too many times from non-sufferers, and have spent too much time working very hard on trying to concentrate on other thoughts when the bad ones and images won't stop popping into my brain.

 

[BlackbirdSinging]

For me thanks to the avoidance symptom I don't want to think about my traumas. I sometimes find all different ways to distract myself deeper into avoidance to suppress the thoughts about the traumas I experienced. I don't like to think about them and I don't want to think about them.

However there are times when I'm very anxious or triggered and the thoughts come to me. And sometimes they're very hard to stop. Intrusive thoughts and distorted thoughts can be hard to stop and deal with.

 

[The Albatross]

Yup it does shake your whole identity. Because the driving force/motivation/obsession/fascination is gone. When that lifts there is a barren landscape... and you are able to see the place where you are without it. There is a period of wandering about... aimless, confused, anxious... missing it... until you set yourself about the business of creating for yourself life. A more balanced, autonomous, self actualized life than you've likely ever had. That is to say, a more balanced (need to improve on that still), autonomous, and self actualized life than I'VE ever had. Personal experience, just my own.

 

[Dana1010]

I am certainly not trying to think about it when I wake up from a dead sleep with the thoughts in my mind.

This is a good point, and I experience the same thing, especially with daytime naps for some reason. I guess what I mean is that on a deeper level that is perhaps obscured from our conscious minds there lies a fear or a belief that makes us scared to stop. I'm certainly not saying we are getting up everyday, saying, "Yippee, I can't wait to start thinking of abuse."

 

[Dana1010]

There is a period of wandering about... aimless, confused, anxious... missing it...

Missing it. Exactly. Having gravitated towards monsters in human form for years simply because that's what was familiar to me, I know well that we can feel homesick for hades just because we're used to it. It is a quite strange and troublesome feature of the human mind. And there's the addiction to persecuting those who so richly deserve it that is also very hard to kick.

 

[The Albatross]

We can stop "THINKING" about it in a manner... it ceases to be the knee jerk or dominating thoughts. Though at times we are defenseless against triggers or dreams/nightmares. So I guess I beg to differ.

 

[The Albatross]

Yeah Dana, I call actively avoiding the "familiar people/situations" chronically uncomfortable. That's how I cracked the lid... doing something different than my impulsive/reactive hardwiring was uncomfortable. I learned to stay with it and over write the old experiences with newer more beneficial ones.

 

[Dana1010]

Yeah Dana, I call actively avoiding the "familiar people/situations" chronically uncomfortable.

I have no problem avoiding them in the corporeal world--it's the world of the mind where they catch up to me. Like how do I shut off this movie playing in my head?

 

[The Albatross]

Practice, patience, persistence, perseverance and (optional) prayer. It does take presence of mind consistently 26-28 days initiates a new habit... 6 months a new behavior.

Personally I had to nip away at the edges and get some successes under my belt before I would believe it and go for it though.