Anytime someone raises their voice or yells at me i get triggered

[Renestel]

Hi everyone-
I am seeking advice because while I've been making some good progress on my symptoms, I am still having trouble with a few things, one of them is if anyone, especially men raise their voice or yell at me, I get heavily triggered. This also happens if I hear people yelling at eachother. My husband just raised his voice at me over something really small and it's almost like I feel attacked all over again. My trauma is mostly based in complex sexual, mental abuse, rape and child mollestation. The thing I am most concerned about is that when I get yelled at or if someone raises their voice, I immediately shut off to protect, but then within 5 minutes the anger sets in and while I haven't done anything really bad, my fits of anger scare everyone in the house even me. If it's a man who yelled, I feel a mountain of anger set in and it's like I want to punish that person for everything past men did, and protect myself and stand up and fight because of the times I didn't or couldn't. If it's a woman, (I was mollested by a female child who was obviously acting out what her father was doing to her) then I get so angry I want to attack and I'm petrified that if I hit her I wouldn't ever stop. Has anyone done any specific work with their therapists on this? I'm getting better at walking away, I used to throw and break countless things (even a tv) in my house and I haven't in months, but now all that leads to is bottling of emotions and that's ever more scary. Then the next time I pop off even more is ready to explode. I am decent about turning to running when I'm this angry but it's our winter and about 19 degrees out and icy. What are some other options I can try?

 

[Deleted member 28403]

I understand, I get some quite similar stuff happening, as soon as anyone is raising their voice near me my anxiety levels just rocket up. I also don't know what to do about it, but, know that you are not alone.

Maybe try shutting it out with music

 

[Renestel]

I understand, I get some quite similar stuff happening, as soon as anyone is raising their voice near me...

Thanks, Saelben.
Before this forum I felt SO alone and misunderstood and always appreciate when someone shares that I'm not. Sometimes this anger just feels like trying to keep a rabid tiger in a cage.

 

[shimmerz]

I am like this too. Eyes as well. Flashes of anger (or any sudden change) ..... The great thing is that you are aware of it. Is your husband? Can you talk to him?

 

[Ronin]

Not the same case (if we can scream it out but communicate? Awesome.)

But I'd think of multiple things:

How much of your aversion to yelling is emotional / past abuse, how much may be something else compounding your stress.

Plain sensory issues, sensory processing problems, like difficulty with certain voice ranges, picking on tone vs picking on words and mis-match that can happen there, how much is difficulty reading the other person afterward (like not being sure if they're going to attack you in some other mode, if it is an attack in the first place, or what), how much may be cultural wall if applicable, if danger is actually posed right now, and what sort of danger.

Just because someone yells, doesn't mean they're in for trouble, or that the trouble will turn on you. ;)

 

[Renestel]

Not the same case (if we can scream it out but communicate? Awesome.)

But I'd think of multiple th...

Interesting response, cashew. Yeah, I definitely have to think about not only what the yelling triggers, but also what my response is. It is definitely rooted in my core family. My parents always argued behind closed doors, never showed us any conflict, and while I witnessed mental abuse in college which I know plays a role in triggering me -no matter what you say all I hear is "you are a piece of crap" I talk to my husband about my issues but I guess now thinking about it, I havent talked to him about the fact that when you raise your voice at all it says "you are the problem" to me- even though I know that's not true. Abuse is so ridiculous. It's like a hole you think you have filled and one day it will just cave all of the sudden.
Shimmerz- I have talked to my husband and we are doing better, but unfortunately he is dealing with serious work stress while I am dealing with my crap and I finally had to sit him down and say I think we may be triggering each other. So far so good on that front. I feel like I am giving more than being received but that is pretty much what my life has been for the last 20 years.
But even if it's not something with me, does anyone start hearing some public issue go into an argument, and all the sudden I'm butting myself in a corner or the other smaller personality, she comes out and puts her fists up and dude its on if you come towards me. It's so polar. Either I run and want to retreat into a corner and hide, or this new part of me is starting to want to fight. I think that's a good thing, Im finally starting to stand up for myself, but Im scared when I do because it has DECADES of anger behind it. Trying to defuse it with tons of working out. Some days successful, some not.

 

[Iamsensative]

Yes, its a huge problem for me. Anyone yelling, too excited, even if i hear it over someone elses phone call. My distress is real, my fear is real. I want it stop. I immediately go into this place, i want to escape, sleep. My anger is hidden underneath, not allowed to be expressed. All it takes is one phone call from my wifes son yelling and angry about his girlfriend. It stays with me for days, i dont even talk to him but i can hear him, his tone, his anger. I wish i could control it, i cant tell her. Its her son, he has issues and so does his girlfriend. I tell myself its the past anx i have nothing to fear. But its not helping. I feel like i get so far and fall backwards into the dark pool again.