Other Ptsd and high functioning autism

[anonymous]

I post here under a regular username, but I am too embarrassed to post about this under that name.

I have been recently diagnosed with high functioning autism this week. I am extremely empathetic. I have no problems figuring out what other people are feeling, but I have all the other symptoms... on top of having PTSD.

They did a lot of testing to come to this diagnosis. The doctor acted like it was great news to have a "label for this." I got a second opinion and they agreed.

He said a lot of kids with problems like this get targeted for abuse.

PTSD and now this too?

I just want to die.

 

[shimmerz]

I think a bunch of us have autistic type characteristics. I haven't been tested, but the more I read about autism the more it rings true for me. As my PTSD symptoms are easing, I am noticing my autistic like characteristics are changing around too. I think if you focus on the PTSD the other will switch around for you as well.... Just my thoughts.

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes there is so much overlap.. However:

I have been recently diagnosed with high functioning autism this week. I am extremely empathetic. I have no problems figuring out what other people are feeling..

You sound like a pretty nice person to me. :hug:

 

[The Albatross]

I wear a lot of labels though autism is not one of them. Rather than wanting to die when someone says "a lot of kids with problems like this get targeted for abuse" why not double down and educate yourself with coping skills and tools?

Labels do suck with PTSD, other mental health diagnosis, and other chronic physical diagnosis... it is easy to lapse into depressive cycling for a time... yet when it all comes down to it... it is what it is and the matter becomes "what am I gonna do about it?"

It is the cards I been dealt I figure... but it is up to me how to play them.

 

[anonymous]

Yes, I have done therapy and learned tools to manage to an obsessive degree, even long before I had a diagnosis.

We did testing to figure out why some things didn't work like they "should" and other things that didn't add up and did help. Like weighted blankets helping.

I told my family about the diagnosis and they reacted very badly.

I can manage it to some degree, some symptoms, both other symptoms there isn't even a treatment for. It's just how I am. I will always have a tendency to miss the forest for the trees.

I already ordered an obsessive number of books and signed up for more OT sessions than my doctor thought was healthy.

I told a friend and she said maybe we shouldn't be friends. I didn't expect people to react badly. I didn't expect them to react well. They treat me now like there is no hope. I know I can apply new coping skills now but I can't change the shitload of stigma I faced telling family and one friend.

I can't face this.

 

[Weemie]

I agree with Alby. With something like autism, what really matters is how you conceptualize it and how you feel about it, how you "experience" it.

For me, I lack cognitive empathy (the ability to identify how others are feeling, unless what they are feeling is very obvious I.E. laughter = happy, crying = sad, yelling = angry) but I have loads of affective empathy (someone says, "hey, my mom died" I feel incredible sadness for them). So, for me, autism is a useful label because it allows me to identify where I struggle to "match up" with neurotypicals. It also makes me feel less alone when interacting with others because I recognize that my social deficit is not "because I am a bad person" but simply because my brain is different.

Autism may not do any of that for you! It might make you feel terrible on its own merits, but I encourage you to look up organizations like ASAN & read some blogs by people w/ HFA. It might open your eyes a little bit, most of us are just normal people who have tricky brain wiring. Nothing bad at all. And certainly nothing to be embarrassed about, although I know that in real life, it's not as simple as that. For that reason I usually don't disclose unless I'm comfortable- or unless I've entered the sphere directly as "the autistic one."

There can be a terrible stigma associated w/ having autism, and having to hear people's uninformed opinions about it (vaccines, "what to do when your child is so autistic you feel like their lives aren't worth living," news stories outlining it, etc etc.) It can be exhausting, and upsetting, to realize that people have absolutely no idea what autism really is. (Some autistic ppl are nonverbal? Wow??? they still have feelings? cool? Some are almost indistinguishable from neurotypicals??? wow?? almost like it's "autism spectrum disorder"????) But, dude, it's you. All about you. What's relevant and necessary for you. People suck. They'll always suck, no matter what. Recognize what's useful and relevant to you and drop the rest.

Take what you can from it. Shed the rest. Just do you, friend. :)

 

[The Albatross]

Your "friend" sucks... there is no more stigma to autism than there is PTSD or other mental health diagnosis. I am sorry that they responded that way. To me it all falls under the classification of trials, tribulations and challenges. You are the same YOU irrespective of the high functioning autism diagnosis. Take stock of your support systems, and their reactions... pick and choose to continue the ones that are more beneficial for you... the others? You may like but not need them right now... put em on a time out.

 

[Friday]

Aspies so totally rock! :D
And HFA folks tend to just be awesome in general :D

Of course, I'm biased. That disorder & my disorder tend to get on like a house on fire. Does that mean I like every Aspie or HFA person? f*ck no. Individuals always vary. If you've ever seen 24, though? Chloe O'Brian / Morris show the super classic ADHD/Aspie-HFA pairing. Some disorders just tend to get on / compliment each other.

(To know: Aspies have technically "vanished" under disorder names, now all classified as HFA, even though they're still a distinct group within it. The change was 99% made to ensure services for school kids, who were being denied them by asshole school districts... Because HFA kids tend to be gifted / high intelligence... School districts were all "f*ck you, no we're not gonna help you with needs A-Z, since you *can* do well in this area, even if you're failing in this other area directly related to your disorder." But all my Aspie friends still use the term Aspies. Kinda like Indian v Native American. So I still do, too. Even if it's factually incorrect.)

Also to know... If you've been diagnosed HFA? It's not new. HFA is something, like ADHD, that you're born with. Your spirt, personality, all of that? Completely unrelated. HFA, ADHD, Dyslexia, etc. aren't things that are acquired. They're just a way to describe a different kind of mind & brain. How it functions as different from the "norm". ((I've never been normal, so I don't really place any kind of value on being so. Normal is weird.)) Like being artistic, or a numbers-guy, or science-chick. Sometimes life is set up in such a way as to "catch" it early, and sometimes it flies under the radar. Like being born a musical prodigy. Doesn't matter whether you're born in the wilds of Africa or in a concert hall in Manhatten. Some places will have everything set up for your success, others if you're lucky, you'll stumble upon later in life.

Remember... Diagnosis doesn't create anything... It's just an attempt to describe what's already there. The huge benefit of that? Not :banghead: Over and over trying to force a star shaped peg in a square hole, wasting time on shift that either doesn't work, or makes things worse // The better known the disorder, the more "Oh! Try this!!!" shortcuts of people who have come before you, figuring out shit that DOES work :)

 

[Lucycat]

Since my nephew was diagnosed with Autism, I have become much more aware of it and done loads of reading. I do not have the diagnosis nor do I seek it but I certainly have the traits. Many of my 'friends' ( associates) would agree as they know I am likely to ignore social convention - until too late . I am very precise and seek perfection in ways that are simply not possible. Realising this has helped, but I do get that we are simply different. Even if no doctor ever agreed that I am a 'bit' autistic - I know me and I understand about lack of eye contact in ways my colleagues have no idea about.
ETA
I forgot to say, That I absolutely have to follow rules. Even when somebody tells me they are unreasonable.

 

[Friday]

As my PTSD symptoms are easing, I am noticing my autistic like characteristics are changing around too.

Yep. That's one of the things about my comorbid, as well... PTSD hijacks my brain. It always always always trumps my ADHD symptoms, although it can also snuggle up with, and they can both exacerbate each other, it seems like one of the characteristics of PTSD? Whatever normal brain function exists, it hijacks them.

<chuckling> If you are HFA, it would very neatly explain why we can have 180 degree different opinions / "argue" out all the fine points in one post and be in total agreement in the next (or about 99% agreement, and thrash out the 1%), no animus carrying over! (That or we just happen to be excellent people ;)). Ahem. Maybe both :p

@anonymous... ^^^ Is one of the disorder traits I'm talking about getting on like a house on fire; how much one agrees or disagrees with another person in no way translates to or affects much they're liked/respected/etc. outside of that particular thing. ADHD & HFA peeps can both hyperfocus on a debate, or the finer details of a "thing" in a debate / searching for both "correct" as well as "understanding"... While neurotypical people tend to get caught up in "who" they're talking to, instead of "what" they're talking about. I very much respect @shimmerz. When we disagree? Sometimes we'll hash things out from opposite sides until we meet in the middle (Ah! An elephant is BOTH like a rope and like a tree), and other times we simply agree to disagree.

Can neurotypical people have reasoned debates? Of course! And both ADHD & HFA people can completely go off the emotional deep end, taking shit all kinds of personal. We're people, not our disorders. It's just a tendency of both disorders to divorce a subject from who is talking about it / debate a thing on its own merits. Not an absolute. (90% of the time? Dude. We're talking about Widgets. Not how much we like or dislike each other. That would be a totally different convo.).

It means that both disorders can have reasoned debates even with people they can't stand, personally... And can have heated debates even with people they love deeply, without it reflecting how they feel about the other. I happen to like/respect Shimmerz, our disagreements are absolutely no reflection on that. Meanwhile Shimmerz could not-be-able-to-stand-me personally, but would still agree with me where she feels I'm right about something. The result might look the same to outsiders (like we both like each other, or both hate each other), but in reality? What we're discussing, or how much we agree/disagree? Is not a tell, whatsoever. We're discussing a thing on it's own merits.

((<laughing> Whether she's HFA, or not! HFA would neatly explain the behavior (so would a few other disorders)... But disorder traits? Are usually things that everybody does, or can do, to greater or lesser degree. It's the degree of brightness that creates the star, and the collection of them within a constellation, which creates the disorder.))

 

[Ronin]

PTSD and now this too?

I just want to die.

Please don't die, as that would be quite a loss.

You're a rather awesome person Anon, you deserve care and accomodating and understanding people, not death, and definitely not feeling bad because of how you process reality.

(/ marks the thread to come back to when more verbal.)

 

[shimmerz]

But disorder traits? Are usually things that everybody does, or can do, to greater or lesser degree. It's the degree of brightness that creates the star, and the collection of them within a constellation, which creates the disorder.))

I tried to teach each of my children the value of being different. They talk about these damned 'disorders' as if they are bad! I was ridiculously high functioning for decades. I was three grades ahead of the kids in school with reading and math, and I was driven for some reason to be four.... not because I wanted to be better than others but because I needed more. I had kids ridiculously young, built businesses, cut acres of lawn, split wood, pulled off 16 hour days, felled trees, milled them, built a house out of them and still needed to be more. That dovetailed into my PTSD by way of a perfect storm. Because when I fell, I fell to a place that was beyond recognition to myself or any of my peeps. That intensified the PTSD. I was no longer high functioning, and I had wrapped my identity around that (although I didn't know it at the time). You now have a heads up that you lean towards HF... that is a REALLY good thing. Here is why.

I am not certain how old you are, but if I was speaking to my younger me, knowing then what I know now, and what I wished my parents had encouraged in me, was to be happy with me and to learn that high functioning needed balance. Take a few minutes every day if you can and just be 'average functioning'. Whatever it is that drives you to be 'more', if you can relate to that, needs to be tempered.

Now the great thing is, that I have trained all of you on the board to have very limited expectations of myself. You didn't know me when I was HF, so I can take a break and nobody is the wiser. I am nowhere near high functioning anymore. If I get a proper sentence out, it is a glorious day! It has greatly reduced my anxiety because 'more, I need more' feeds the PTSD anxiety cycle and I have learned that expecting more of myself isn't all it is cracked up to be. It can actually be downright dangerous to your mental health. So take it easy when you feel that 'driven' feeling if you can.

He said a lot of kids with problems like this get targeted for abuse.

Yes. Absolutely. Because socially it seems to be a norm to knock people that are seen as a threat (someone who shines as Friday so eloquently states), down. Keep safe and know that things will change. Focus on your PTSD symptoms (just my suggestion) and don't worry so much about the ADHD. Just attempt to balance it a bit.

Labels are hard, but they aren't always dysfunctional. They just need to be tweaked so we don't self implode with them. Be well. Keep your head high. You are beautiful just how you are.