No Safe Or Comfort Place..

[.45 Princess]

I might get upset, triggered, stirred up but... I am not a hateful person.

The past 2 days, I have woken up angry. With no apparent reason.
I guess it's safe to say that I'm no longer "numb" from my most recent trauma/incident.

I'm still numb to a degree.. interacting with people, doing things (if I bring myself to do things).
Although I can interact with people, I've noticed in the past 2 days that I can NOT stand people.

If I notice other people are present when I assume I'm alone in the quiet, it not only makes me hyper vigilant but it's been pissing me the f*ck off.

My home used to be a comfort place or even my garage. I could sit in my car and unwind before going inside the house, but now that has been ruined for me.

I have been boozing on cheap wine almost daily just to take the edge off.
I've never been an alcoholic/have an alcohol problem and I've never been a hateful/angry person.
I hate being like this and refuse to continue living like this...

 

[Friday]

I hate being like this and refuse to continue living like this...

<grin> Good on you. Put that anger to use doing just that. Start getting swept up in rage/hate... Unformed or directed wrong? Yeah. Sometimes we just have to burn with it. Let the firestorm roll over us, until it passes. But you use that same anger, being pissed off about being angry, to combat it. Fire with fire. Coping skills, coping mechanisms, grounding, blunting, redirect, seizing on bright sparks in the dark. Subverting the sucker to propel you back towards being calm, cool, happy, in control.

Stubborn up :sneaky:

Start putting things right. :)

Little piece by little piece.

There's a kickass thread/article on here about subverting anger... How to go about doing all that. Dealing With Anger

 

[.45 Princess]

<grin> Good on you. Put that anger to use doing just that. Start getting swept up in rage/hat...

Thank you, Friday...
I know deep down that I can use this anger to fuel it into something positive but I guess being thrown on my ass for the millionth time AND no longer having a "safe place" to decompress is throwing me into over drive...

I will check out the thread. Thank you for that