I Am Not 'they'

[Ed Norton]

Aggression and rage can happen with all PTSD sufferers, combat, of course but I have been in that boat too. Not criticizing or minimizing veterans with PTSD but I just wanted to add that.

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes I've done it (rage) & my father (the gentlest man, felt devastated when he thought he hurt a little bird) nearly killed someone once while drunk but an off-duty cop stopped him.

 

[shimmerz]

But that's doing exactly what you're asking not to be done; don't generalize. At all. Not even a smidge.

I am not certain that is what I am asking. I think my concern here is over the parallel drawn between violence and PTSD specifically. The media is no help in this way. PTSD and violence do not always go hand and hand. And I feel we are doing a disservice to sufferers if using group speak that ties the two together.

I have actually stopped letting people know I have PTSD because one of the first things most people asked me (as they back away) is if I am violent! Hell no! Are you??????

I like the idea of the supporters section clarifying that each sufferer is an individual, but there was a posting this morning that was titled 'Why can't They Fight Fair'. Strange how the question I ask myself every day is 'When will I EVER Learn to Fight Back?'. I feel, myself personally, that the 'They' is a generalization that does a great disservice, but that is just me.

 

[Sweetpea76]

True @Ed Norton and @Junebug ... I tend to go straight to combat PTSD because that's what I'm familiar with in my relationship. Plus I was really trying not to generalize given the thread topic ;).

 

[Tinyflame]

I agree too @shimmerz . Many people traumatized are frequently re-traumatized. I cannot fight back mostly either. And also I think I'm pretty gentle (like horribly hugely).

Big difference if the person is managing the ptsd or not, adding alcohol, resentments, etc. Other stuff.

@Sweetpea76 I hear supporters here all the time try to give concrete, sane, non-generalizing, non-sugar-coated advice! FWIW, if you sk me most are near-saints/ angels for what they accommodate, forgive, or live with the rollercoaster or uncertainty of. :hug:

 

[Tinyflame]

Also, it's a whole different animal to have ptsd rage & to be trained to kill, versus ptsd rage. Even here in Canada, we don't have guns for personal use to the degree the U.S. does. I know with as much certainty as one can, if we did & there was access to one in the house I would not be here today, it would have been likely used on me, or I would have turned it on myself probably at some point.

 

[shimmerz]

Yes, and I do understand the issue with Combat PTSD. My uncle,upon his return from WWII, had to be removed from his family (for life) because he was a danger to them. I get that it is a very real and horrible concern for their loved ones. I respect what others are going through in that way.

I think the two types of PTSD (victims of violence vs. combat) are truly juxtaposed. Similar, but oh so different. I will bite it. I just put it out there for others to consider.

 

[Sweetpea76]

I do agree the "they" was poorly worded, but I don't think it was a serious commentary about all sufferers being violent. It seems like a vent after an ugly fight or lashing out episode. That supporter probably just needed to let out what they couldn't say to their sufferer. Replies were a reason why somebody may have that response if triggered, and another saying my sufferer doesn't do that. A little comfort and rationality goes a long way.

 

[WillyKat]

@shimmerz makes a very good point. There are a few supporters that post only to vent and don't seem to be aware of how hurtful certain phrases are to a sufferer.

There was a supporter's post on the forum many months ago that spoke of "tantrums" etc, etc. It hurt a lot, for one thing, but it also revealed something about this particular supporter that made me think: "hmm...maybe you're not cut out to be a supporter." I didn't reply with what I was thinking. But I just informed her/him that those words are hurtful and they aren't tantrums; they are symptoms adults have w/ PTSD.

I value having supporters on our forum, because I think we can learn from each other, but there needs to be respect all around and consideration before speaking.

 

[Tinyflame]

I agree @WillyKat . I've had meltdowns (I could call them to myself a tantrum, though they most often do not have to do with not getting my own way, but rather even self-rejection or self-condemnation, with or without things going according to what I'd hope), & I've had meltdowns that are the bottom of the spiral before I off myself.

One thing none of us are, is children. (Even if we have childlike hearts or childhood-borne hurts).

 

[Sweetpea76]

Supporters are only human. We're going to say things that upset sufferers... Trust me, I do it all the time at home.

Language and specific wording can be very upsetting to one person while others are oblivious to It. For instance, if you search "tantrum" on the forum, there are 9 pages of posts with that word in it, some by supporters, but a lot of them by sufferers too. It doesn't seem to be an uncommon word, even if it's insulting to some.

What is a tantrum if it isn't a response to emotions you can't process? Everybody has them. I don't care who you are, at one point in every adult's life, they have had a good old fashioned fit over something. Call it what you will.

 

[Tinyflame]

I guess I think of 'meltdown' as worse than tantrum. Tantrums one has to give themself permission of sorts for, whereas meltdowns are potentially long-term life altering (re: decisions made).

Maybe I could do with a good old-fashioned tantrum instead.. ? :p :rolleyes: :roflmao: