I Am Not 'they'

[shimmerz]

Pointing use of they vs. being deliberately derogatory are still miles away from each other.

I don't think I said anything about being deliberately derogatory. I asked, respectfully, that I felt it would be helpful that when supporters speak about their sufferers they speak in terms of 'he' or 'she'. Because they are individuals. I think if you have a group of even just 10 PTSD sufferers, our needs, triggers, and reactions would be miles apart. I don't know why having that be respected is such a controversial thing, but of course understand that each has their own POV.

I have learned through all of this that words are VERY important. My journey is in finding my SELF. It would be incredibly helpful to me, and I suspect, others on this board, to have their sense of SELF be honoured. That was the point I was attempting to make. Of course, everyone can do as they please.

 

[Ronin]

I don't think I said anything about being deliberately derogatory.

That's alright. ;)
I was thinking aloud on the subject of using 'they'. Not really about concrete responses of people, mostly just musing / sharing / that I read situations on average differently, regarding subject matter. It wasn't to say don't do ___ or 'you're reading yours wrong', to anyone.

 

[stillstanding2]

I don't know about that, personally.

Pointing use of they vs. being deliberately derogatory are still mil...

The point I was making is that the nurse talked in my wife's hearing range as if she were a thing, rather than a person. "They sometimes have violent seisures...",etc., rather than "She may have more seisures..." And my wife heard her.

At first, I tried justifying the callousness as perhaps the oncology nurse's own need to objectify her work, but it was my wife's life she was talking about as casaully as if my wife was not human.

 

[Ronin]

I understand.

I'm sorry your wife wasn't treated with dignity, @stillstanding2 .

 

[The Albatross]

With all due respect the "they" of the opening post and the "they" of your posts @stillstanding2 are two distinctly different things. Medical professionals are held to a level of standard (which sadly those did not meet) that the OP's post about "they" is not obligated to meet. Would it be nice, yeah sure but this is not utopia. Very sorry for the stuff within earshot... I know it made a major difference to my own grandmother on her deathbed.

 

[shimmerz]

need to objectify

This is it! I couldn't find as clear a way to express it but this is it. What comes to mind is me (even as a 2 year old) in children's services documentation being referred to as it.

 

[The Albatross]

Objectifying is also a way to depersonalize... when it's someone like a spouse or a partner, people tend to diffuse it by generalizing.

 

[stillstanding2]

This is it! I couldn't find as clear a way to express it but this is it. What comes to mind is me (e...

People who work with tragedies can mutter whatever they want to into a drink at an off-duty bar. Having worked in disaster management, I've done that myself. Even M*A*S*H humor has its place in relieving stress among first responders, but not at the expense of the victims.

 

[The Albatross]

I myself am a victim and even I poke fun at it at times. I though am not as p.c. as most would prefer most probably. But if I can't laugh, I'd... well do much worse than not laugh or cry.

 

[The Albatross]

P.S. I am a first responder and I don't mutter in bars. I find that inappropriate, I mutter here among peers.

 

[UnKnown-Self]

I did not read every post in this thread but it does touch on some points I don't totally understand about supporters of those with PTSD and some common themes of supporters
Having PTSD does not give anyone the right to be abusive.
I am irrational sometimes, Rage flare-ups are scary, I don't become physically violent but I'm still capable of creating damage by lashing out. I know I am not "myself" and hysterics start mounting.
I am responsible for removing myself from the situation. Taking a sedative, journal or sleep. For me it is beyond, CBT, DBT or other coping skills. I need to take a sedative, write here or journal and sleep.
My support system people are not there to be the target of my vent and I don't want them to think they are helping me by doing so.

If someone is being abused their first concern should be their own health. If it gets violent, immediately remove one's self and don't go back. Not without seeing real change, not just words.
Unacceptable and dangerous needs to be treated accordingly no matter how it's wrapped in whatever reasoning.
To not see this and not act accordingly is not being a supporter. Its enabling. It's being a victim.
I think it's a red flag the supporter needs change the focus to themselves.

PTSD has to many variables to make any blanket statements and perpetuating stigma.

If someone is causing you damage or there is a threat of damage and they don't remove themselves, it is up to the person feeling threatened to protect themselves and others. Yes, I know all too well how much easier said than done it is. Leave, make helpful calls but no excuses for anyone. In fact it is the best way to prevent more damaging trauma.

 

[UnKnown-Self]

I don't think I said anything about being deliberately derogatory. I asked, respectfully, that I felt...

I have learned through all of this that words are VERY important. My journey is in finding my SELF. It would be incredibly helpful to me, and I suspect, others on this board, to have their sense of SELF be honoured. That was the point I was attempting to make. Of course, everyone can do as they please.

@shimmerz this was said perfectly.