Strategy During Suicidal Thoughts?

[stillstanding2]

if you know ...... You will never talk to me again.

Dear, among the words you need to learn is "crap." Means nonsense in this use. We all have done things we are ashamed of. I'm not asking to know anyway.

One thing I do know is that I personally carried a horror for much of my life, until I spoke with a trusted friend about it. After I did that, took responsibility for my actions, cried appropriately, and was relieved of the secrecy, the shame faded dramatically. I had utterly and truthfully redefined what happened. And I'm still great friends with the person I talked with. She tells me her crap too.

As I said before, you have suffered enough! Try to find relief within yourself, possibly by writing here, but at least with confidence that we accept you no matter what you have done.

 

[KwanYingirl]

@Nikie I assure you that your command of English is very good. We can glean your meaning by the context of the sentence. And then we can ask for more info. I can't speak anything but English and I admire all the folks on this forum that can speak and read 2,3,4 maybe more languages!!!!

You sound overwhelmed. It will be ok. This too shall pass. Try to ground yourself so your thoughts don't race around in your head. Can you listen to some soothing music? We all make mistakes. We don't have to hate ourselves for it. Maybe your parents taught you that you only are worth something if you are perfect. No one is perfect. We still deserve our own love.

 

[stillstanding2]

You sound overwhelmed. It will be ok. This too shall pass. Try to ground yourself so your thoughts don't race around in your head.

Absolutely. Your emotions have been up and down like a throbbing wound all day and much of yesterday. If writing helps, please continue. But maybe you might tell us some of the good stuff that steadies you more. How about those wonderful kids you protect? Are they as courageous and smart as you are?

 

[ms spock]

@Nikie you can see how people are starting to pull apart their distorted cognitions in this thread.

https://www.myptsd.com/threads/name-that-distorted-cognition-thought-perception.54277/page-11

 

[Nikie]

I ask forgiveness I fell asleep and didn't say to you.. Good morning to you. / or maybe good night ..
My kids :tdown: I am ashamed of looking at them I slept the hole 2013 and 2014 I can not recall anything in that time ... I had to give them school but I didn't , my oldest it 17 he missed 2 years of school his foundation of maths are " moer toe" in English that ugly word would probably be "gone". I feel guilty I was not a good mother to them ... I lost all concentration after the .... Miscarriage :cry:.. There is very very less things in my live exiting my husband is irretated probably by me doing noting seeing no future and I am really scared at him when he is irritated. Yeah its that over reacting stuff of the list ... The only thing nice I do is family search its kinda addictive.. My husband tried to take that away from me as well. And I really striped my" moer " and tell him is fortune ..

 

[Anarchy]

If I'm triggered I often have massive amounts of sleep

I also have a freeze response to danger.

They're both part of my PTSD

 

[Nikie]

I lost 2/3 of my blood and refused blood transfusion .. I was so tired all the time. I can not tell anything about that time. I can not even remebr if I took the kids to voortrekkers or volkspele. Its like a big hole in my history I know my husband forced me to do a sport... And I did .. I started pole fitness. Its an awesome sport. And very relaxing a lot like yoga .. Now I am going to all extremes.. ... "I really feel I want to skip, this day"......
So the kids and I do GI Joe tipe of sport. .. Jumping of a bridge into he river etc.. Its nice .. You can Google GI Joe tikwe lodg you might join into the fun.

 

[Anarchy]

One of the researchers into trauma told a member here that most or perhaps all of the people who do extreme sports are recovering from trauma

Things like that are a way to challenge our fears and to regain a sense of being in control of our lives

Or to get a sense of control that we never had.

Things like your pole sports, yoga, dance, martial arts, rock climbing
All need mindfulness.

Now that you have mentioned your miscarriage on here. Can I suggest that both the miscarriage and the medical intervention were both traumatic.

 

[Nikie]

I am struggling to understand but if I need to give an answer I think yes would be it. Do you think I must copy that hole experience and past it here.?? I feel so tired and I just woke up ... I did the grounding as you said I must... And I did the diary. As you said I must ..

 

[Anarchy]

There's no reason to go through the details here.

I'm not looking for an answer

Just saying that your "miscarriage" is three traumas together, you nearly died, you had a traumatic and humiliating medical intervention, and the grief of loss.

the blood loss almost killing you
Or the medical intervention
Either of those alone would be enough to cause PTSD

But before those, you have the accident and the worry about the little girl

Then the state prosecutors giving you two years of hell while they played with your life and future, and tried to portray you in the worst light possible in court as they endlessly reminded you of the accident.

Im just making it clear for you and others who are reading that there's enough there for PTSD three times over, and possibly five times over.

You're not a bad person
You're a good person who has ended up in some very:poop:y bad situations.

:hug:@

 

[stillstanding2]

Do you think I must copy that hole experience and past it here.??

No, @Nikie, you are not required to report to us everything that has happened. If you want to, we are interested. However, we all more fully understand the combination of traumas affecting you. We don't need great detail.

What @Anarchy has pointed out is that you have had many traumas in really a few years. The suffering of any one cause can be much greater while you try to handle the suffering from other causes. The combination makes recovery from any one thing harder, and recovery from all of the traumas at once almost impossible.

The great news I see is that you ARE recovering. Taking up your sports and involving your children is solid evidence that you are very much alive and progressing! You are healthier, both physically and emotionally because of the actions you are taking.

You may or may not be familiar with the term "hitting bottom." Many of us have "hit bottom" at least once. It is the darkest, most hopeless place to fall into regarding trauma. It is a place where no help exists, nor even the will to accept help or help yourself. At bottom, there there seems to be no direction but down.

Yet, you very probably have been to bottom more than once, and you still have the will to climb back up. YOU ARE NOT AT BOTTOM NOW! You are working on your health and your emotions, you exercise, and interact with and love your kids, you are reading and even are learning more words to use to reach out to us and probably others for support as you climb up.

You know you can slip back down, but you also know that you have been higher and can get there again. You are a SURVIVOR, one of us, and many of us are cheering for every inch you climb.





He has also pointed out

 

[Nikie]

No, @Nikie, you are not required to report to us everything that has happened....

Youre right I am in a very bad place now .. I stopped all sport a while ago. .. It would probably start next week.. My family irretate me so much. .. Or must i say .... I am irreteting my family so much.or maybe disappoint them.. Or am I just abandoning them. ... I dunno.. I am a bad mother ... And I did bad things mmm okey I must not say that..
Can I say then life is to difficult for me to understand where I belong
I known hitting rock bottom... I don't known if I hit bottom. I might have
Stillstanding 2 you have so much " lewenslus" ... It feels like you are projecting them to me...
I DO not want to be me... Not this me maybe the back them me .. But she was just as lame she could make her choices ... She couldn't stand up. Now its to late. I am learning a lot I just do not know which way anymore. .