Sufferer New To Emotional Numbness

[Ga Peach]

In June 2015 my husband shot himself while me and my daughter were in the home. He thankfully survived but not after dying numerous times in the operating room and in the ICU. I stayed by his side until he woke up a month later and I packed up my belongings and my childs belongings. I put them in storage and left the home the day his daughter brought him home from the hospital. I wanted to give him a new start and hopefully this would help him to be free from my constant disagreement with his pain pill addition, along with other addictions, which destroyed our marriage, his job, and our combined family.
Me and my daughter now stay in my friends unfinsinished basement while I try to obtain a home. I have filed for divorce and it will be final in two weeks. I have been asked out to dinner by numerous men, but I cannot stand the thought of it. I am so very numb inside. I am so afraid to even think about having feelings for someone. My great aunt passed away last week and I had absolutely no feelings about it whatsoever. This is so out of my character as I have always been the caregiving type and I cant even care for myself anymore. I forget basic hygiene routines often and my memory loss in general makes it hard for me to have a normal conversation. I cannot think of the correct words to use in sentences when I am trying to describe something or convey a message. I feel as if everything is in slow motion and I am constantly late. Is time the only healer of this feeling or does time make it worse

 

[Ronin]

Hello, welcome Ga Peach.

Sorry you are here, but very glad you found us, and that you're talking. :)

Time by far isn't the only healer. Working on it, yourself, is far more within your control one, but that yeah, takes some distance from the events in which to heal and a lot of support / gaining spoons to start on the whole self sufficience deal in the first place.

Just because words come slowly, or it's hard to take care of your usual routines right now, doesn't mean you've been dumbed down or are not a caring person. Mental illnesses and associated depression tend to do that with people, and it's no reflection on you.

What in your life can slow down to your speed, so you can catch up with it back again? Slow can be helpful. Annoying it is, but helpful.

 

[Ga Peach]

I am trying to buy a home and it has been a horrible process, but I was blessed to find a wonderful home in my price range that my daughters love. I am finally signing a contract today on the home but it, along with my job, and my children, have made it extremely difficult to slow down. I wouldn't even know where to begin this process. P.S. thank you for your help.

 

[Ronin]

Congratulations on finding housing & having a job & taking care of your family, you're successful, even with all the turmoil in your life.

Maybe taking a few minutes each day to just breathe, feel your body, feel your feelings, more consciously? A designated 'time for yourself'?

 

[Ga Peach]

I agree. I just have no idea how to feel my feelings. It feels like they are not there. The things I once felt pity for, happy for, or even anger for seem gone. I have been doing hypnosis / meditations every night at bedtime but it hasn't helped. I have focused on the things that made me feel in the past and the only way I know to describe it is like blank feelings. Like a light switch has been turned off and I cant find the wall that it is on because it is so dark.

 

[RavenGirl]

Yes, time for yourself. Even if it's just 20 min. a day to sit alone in a quiet place, maybe do aroma therapy, or meditation, self reflection, listen to soothing music, whatever you find that works for you. Also if you can't find 20 min then start with a smaller amount at first and slowly stretch it out. It was hard for me at first, but I love my "me time" now. :happy::hug:

 

[Ronin]

I just have no idea how to feel my feelings. It feels like they are not there.

What about starting with activities? Things that are productive & helpful to your life and those around you, seeing with time if they don't by chance also shift the numbness into feeling something for those activities?

 

[Ga Peach]

What about starting with activities? Things that are productive & helpful to your life and those around yo...

I believe that when I can move into my home and get out of that basement that it will help a lot. I enjoy cooking and making dream catcher ect... but I have no kitchen and I hate using others kitchens. I cant make my dream catchers because all of my stuff is boxed up in the storage unit. I just know when this month is over and I can move my life will be better. I just wished I could feel something. I still go and do some of the things I usually enjoy but I don't look forward to doing anything and I just feel like I am existing.

 

[Ga Peach]

Yes, time for yourself. Even if it's just 20 min. a day to sit alone in a quiet place, maybe do aro...

I have been doing hypnosis / meditations every night at bedtime but it hasn't helped. I have focused on the things that made me feel in the past and the only way I know to describe it is like blank feelings. Like a light switch has been turned off and I cant find the wall that it is on because it is so dark.

 

[ladee]

What you are sharing sounds like when I am grieving. I just shut down. Can't complete a sentence. Feel numb. I can not deal with everything at once and have to force myself to do daily upkeep things. but something usually comes along that catches my interest and then the fog slowly lifts. Many great suggestions here also... I do try to remember to breathe, that at least helps for a short while... if I am not breathing deep and on purpose, I start to feel very sluggish and even more tired. You have reached out for help. You are half way there. Hope things get better for you soon.

 

[intothelight]

@Ga Peach Welcome!:)

You've had a trauma and then so much upheaval. Take time for yourself and your children and allow you and your family to heal. This forum can be a great source of information and support as you work on your healing.

 

[Ga Peach]

What you are sharing sounds like when I am grieving. I just shut down. Can't complete a sentence. Feel num...

thank you