Sexual Assault Is This Ptsd Or Am I Overreacting?

[vertibird]

Hi, this is my first post so just let me know if I'm breaking any rules or guidelines.

The reason I'm posting is because I'm confused. I don't know what all of the things that are happening to me mean. I'm scared and I'm ashamed.

To put things short, I was sexually assaulted multiple times a week (3-4 times) for 3 years, between the ages of 6 and 9, by my grandmothers boyfriend. It didn't bother me for a long time, and it has since then been reported and "dealt with", if you'd like to call it that. I've never liked to talk about it, at all, and I am seeing a therapist but that is not what we talk about. I guess I'm too scared and ashamed to talk about it. I'm now 16 and things are starting to bother me. It started with having nightmares about what happened. They're so vivid, to the point where I can remember what the air smelled like, I can remember everything. The dreams would wake me up in the middle of the night and my partner who I'd sleep with would wake me up, and tell me that I would talk/yell in my sleep about it. It always took me a while to get back to sleep, and I'd go as far to say that I'm somewhat scared of sleeping. I only had nightmares for a while, but then they started happening during the day. I would be sitting in class or playing a video game or anything, and I would just zone out and be brought back to when it happened. Like a daydream or something. A flashback maybe. I don't really know. They've gotten to the point where I get so into them that I have to "snap out of it". When I wake up from a dream or snap out of a daydream I often burst into tears.

I don't know what this means. I'm looking for somebody's opinion, somebody's help, or anything anybody has to offer me. Is this PTSD or am I overreacting about something most people would just brush off?

 

[ladee]

Sexual assault is never anything to 'brush off'.... What you are feeling, please try to tell you P what is going on.. you can write down and hand it to them.... and they will know where to start with it all to help you deal with your feelings. I am so so so sorry this happened, it happened to me also, and many people on the forums.. I am happy you are here.. This is a very safe and encouraging community of people who absolutely understand how you feel... I do, I understand.... so please, at least think about writing it down.... and please come back and share as often as you need to... someone will be around....gentle :hug:'s if you accept them.

 

[Kintsugi]

Welcome to the forum. Sorry you're here but glad to have you aboard. ;)

You are not overreacting. Does your T know about your history? Have you ever asked him/her about what your diagnosis is?

What you're experiencing does sound like PTSD to me, but a professional diagnosis (preferably from a specialist) is integral.

 

[Heather]

You are not over-reacting. Anybody whose experienced what you've been through would be struggling. I know you have a hard time talking to your therapist about it. Would you be comfortable writing down how you are feeling and handing it to him/her.

I went to see my therapist the other day and was so overwhelmed with everything, I didn't want to talk about it. So, I wrote it all down. With the last line reading:
Help Me!

I don't know if this helps or not, just a suggestion.

I wish you luck and hope you find healing.

 

[Bloomy]

Welcome to the forum and be assured this is a safe and good place to get support and understanding.
You are def not overreacting. Its normal responses you have due to unormal experiences. When it comes to nightmares Ive found it useful to try to understand what they tell me instead of running away in fear. But you need to be safe. I hope you have someone in real life to give you care and that can help nurture you and healp you heal from what you subcombed. You are young and seeking for help now is so brave of you. The futre is ahaed of you. Learn to be strong and hold on but also to be soft and compassionate towards your process of healing the wounds.

All the best!

 

[Cinzia]

You are a courageous young woman who is doing her best to survive a horrible injustice. I am a survivor too and I have been working on overcoming PTSD and depression for the last 42 years. It can be very debilitating. I pray you are able to get help for your symptoms and can heal from your past trauma.

 

[SeekingAfrica]

I don't know if it's PTSD or not, but it's definitely flashbacks and/or nightmares at least, and that is in itself enough. Try to somehow bring it up with the therapist, they may have more useful advice.
However...not sure how much you remember of what you went through between 6 and 9...but you were little. Even if you "dealt" with it then, you were a child. It's possible that now that you're in age of having sexual partners, boyfriends, and relations of intimate nature, that it can bring up leftover feelings about what happened to you. (in attempt of your brain to "protect" you) If this is the case I would say it's also needed to may be talk to your current partner if you have such.
I know that in cases when you don't remember parts of what happened to you, it's possible for it to get triggered and start coming back to you later. Happened with me- I remembered the beginning and the end, enough to know the just of it, but nothing detailed in between. Started coming back to me about year and a half later. In big chunks. I was 22-23 year old at the time, though. It actually is a healthy thing- your brain forgot for a reason, to protect you from the shock of it. If you are at a point when you're starting to remember things you didn't, then you are stronger and more capable of comprehending it and dealing with it(as painful as it may be). It's a healthy sign, but, if that's the case, you need to talk it out, so it would eventually fade somewhat, rather than hunt you.

 

[Charo]

Hi, this is my first post so just let me know if I'm breaking any rules or guidelines.

The reason I'm...

P.t.s.d for sure, so find a very good doctor as soon as possible. In my experience once the night terrors started my p.t.s.d got worse very quickly

 

[RussH]

Are you overreacting? No. The mind is a funny thing. When we have unresolved trauma our minds can try to return to the trauma in order to make sense of it. The mind will do this over and over again, reliving the trauma bringing into play the same fears, emotions that you experienced in the original assault.

A trauma therapist can help you deal with the unresolved trauma

 

[Whyteferret]

Hi, this is my first post so just let me know if I'm breaking any rules or guidelines.

The reason I'm...

It doesn't matter if it's PTSD or not really. what you experienced is impacting your life now. You're having problems with it. It's interfering with your life. Ultimately, what it is called doesn't really matter. Making sure you get the help you need does.


If it really bugs you, ask your therapist about it. Actually, do that. If your therapist is any good, that conversation will probably help you a lot.