General What Are The Chances A Ptsd Victim That Leaves A Long Term Relationship Will Come Back?

[Tinyflame]

I think that the fact she has overcome the leaving before is hopeful, but in itself not necessarily forgiveness-worthy or good for you. Or maybe I'm missing much I can't read all of the text. What does she think you've done wrong? If the answer is nothing, that is unfair of her to be angry.

But also, unlike @BlueOrange 's experiences mostly if I left (personally) I left for good. Moving things out sounds permanent.

I don't know if there's something you can get through to her with. Or that it's worth it (to you).

Best wishes.

 

[Deleted member 17302]

Today I woke up, grabbed my water and a banana and took my pills. Then got in the car and drove out a direction I had never driven very far on until I hit a T. I figured I wasn't far enough and drove way out until I hit another T. I passed a gas station that was near where she had went back home to. Didn't think it was out that way. Then driving back I must have missed a turn. Ended up driving through the town that is the middle of the drive from where we lived to where she is at.

I had to drive past a place we both lived at with some friends. Wise Christian friends. Since I had to drive past there, I went up to their house to see if anyone was home. The older gentleman was. We prayed and I asked advice. He said to at least try since she was basically my wife. I was thinking that wasn't a good idea but it just started to seem like a good one after we prayed. I thought to get flowers that she liked and send it with a note that wasn't pushy. It started by saying I wasn't begging or trying to guilt her into coming back into my arms and that we had good times, we had bad times but got through them even though not always perfectly because we aren't perfect, and that it was my last ditch effort to bring a bit of joy and happiness to her one last time. Then said I enjoyed being her idiot. We liked teasing each other and didn't mind names like that and always knew it was out of love. Signed my name without love or anything like that.

Sent it to her grandparents house so she would actually get them. Her parents don't like me at all and would likely have just tossed them without saying anything.

She did not like the flowers it seems. Sent an angry text saying stuff about for the first time being able to be happy after her daughter dying. Said to back off.

I have not responded and won't unless something more positive comes along. She didn't read the note I don't think. Think she just heard she got flowers. Who knows. I do hurt, I do want her, but it seems I need to just ignore her unless she says something better and get all my stuff on track.

 

[Tinyflame]

OMG that is very forgiving.

It was your daughter too. :( (I'm so sorry. :( )

It sounds like she equates you as a reminder of the loss.

How did you lose your daughter?

I'll say them for you all. :(

 

[Deleted member 17302]

OMG that is very forgiving.

It was your daughter too. :( (I'm so sorry. :( )

It sounds like she equates...

Please pray for my lady. She was practically my wife. All the prayer I can muster and find I think may help now that I actually am giving some heart to it instead of going through the motions. I'm not perfect. She is hurting very much and I could see it in her eyes that she is in serious pain. When she was lucid and herself she begged to have me help her and watch her take the meds and such so that she couldn't end up like this again.

Life is hard and the pain of our daughters death is destroying her. I don't know what I can do other than pray and love and give her some space to heal a bit. I'll give it a week and see what happens after that. Maybe another week. All I know is that I am not wanting to give up what is essentially my wife and what we had together when she is being hurt by this. I saw her true self a few times in the last few weeks and it was the beautiful woman I fell in love with. I just don't want that her to die and be completely consumed by the pain.

Please anyone that believe in the power of prayer, pray for her peace. I'll live regardless, her however, I fear for her. I'm not the one being killed by mental trauma. Just some killer heartbreak, but that is to be expected when you lose the love of your life. If she comes back, we will get help fast and powerfully and not end up in this nasty quagmire again. If we were married legally, at least there would be a better chance than not. Please pray for her. Thank you.

 

[Deleted member 17302]

It was your daughter too. :( (I'm so sorry. :( )

I agree but I have had much more trauma in my life than she has ever seen so was a bit more prepared to deal with such insanity. That and it was her only child ever.

She tried climbing a small dresser in the kids room and it tipped over on her. We thought she had just fallen asleep playing like she usually did right up next to the door. She was a silly kid and we loved her goofyness. I had my kids play in there many times and the dresser was light enough to lift with one hand and toss. Very light and very short. Thought it would be safe. After that situation we found out that tons of calls to paramedics happen from random furniture you wouldn't think would tip, did tip. A huge CRT TV for instance a child pulled on and it landed on their neck and almost severed the head. You wouldn't think a huge block like a large CRT would ever tip over. Any kind of tippable furniture can be very dangerous to children even if you never have seen the child try to climb or pull on things. She hadn't been a climber but my children before her had been and never had something like that even close to happen. Didn't even know it was a serious concern to worry about. So if you know of children in a home, go get furniture straps to secure everything you can that can tip over on them.

 

[Tinyflame]

I'm so sorry @mr_smith_v2 , that is heartbreaking. :cry: :(

Married or not you couldn't force her to get help, & she would have to do so (want to).

Do you suppose, as @Casey_03 said, that it is grief? Perhaps she feels (or says) you're heartlessly getting over it, when in truth that means she cannot get over it?

 

[BlueOrange]

Apologies for the delay in replying. I disappeared from the forums for a few days, which has very little to do with the forums, nothing at all to do with you, and everything to do with me.

The relationship that I went back to, the first time that I went back to it, nothing had ever gone wrong in that relationship. I ran away because I was scared of making a commitment, and eventually came to the conclusion that it would be worse to miss out on the relationship that might happen than it would be to make a commitment and have my heart broken. It took me about six weeks to do that. Since then, I've run away (either literally, or by withdrawing) more times than I can count, but usually for shorter durations.

She was very clever, and didn't try to contact me after the first time I pushed her away - I came to the realisation that I missed her on my own. (And it was very important that I was the one who worked that out without help.)

There are some differences between my experience and what you've reported here that are worth noting:

• When I learned how to come back (which is a skill in itself), I didn't have to overcome any history in the relationship that I was returning to. My rational mind could tell the whole time that running away was wrong.
• The woman I returned to had a lot of experience in dealing with people being upset, and many years of background in dealing with people who were under severe stress
• I'd been in therapy for 6 years at that point

If I was to make the choice, based purely on the conversation here, then I'd give up. Or at least, I claim that I would - my emotions might not let me give up. Even so, pretending that you're giving up and getting on with your life might be the most effective way of being someone that she wants to return to. I can say with absolute confidence that the more you chase after her (even very gently), the more she'll run away.