Sexual Assault Just Found Out My Daughter Was Molested

[Heather]

@Suzetig I've thought about what I would like to happen to Selena; A place where other kids like her go, get counseling, admit what they have done is wrong, write apology letters and OWN up to their behavior....

NOT minimize it or say that it never happened. That's what I want.

 

[joeylittle]

NOT minimize it or say that it never happened. That's what I want.

Can you write more about this? What would it mean to you, to have Selena own up to what happened?

 

[Heather]

Can you write more about this? What would it mean to you, to have Selena own up to what happened?

It would give me some sense of peace. It would mean that she "doesn't get off the hook" for her behavior. It would make the situation seem less unfair.

 

[Heather]

We've started a gratitude "journal". Each night we both say 5 things we are grateful for. Even when it's really hard to think of something, we still manage to come up with something.

My daughter said the other night, "I'm grateful for my fingernails". It's a start, right?

I realize that if we're going to (both) heal from this, we have to find the positives...no matter how minimal.

 

[Heather]

This is in my head....UGH! I'm having really bad dreams at night. I can't sleep as it is and when I do, I wake up feeling "icky" and awful.

 

[Heather]

Couldn't sleep again last night. Having such bad dreams....I hate this.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

No it is not fun at all. Heart goes out to you both as you keep on recovering in the rubble of the aftermath. Hope that you are able to take a nap. Hugs.

 

[Heather]

The rape crisis advocate wants permission to come in and meet with me and my therapist. To find out better ways to help me deal with this. I guess at this point, I'll take all the help I can get.

When I was ranting and raving about Selena and said, "that if this were an adult they'd be in jail". She said not necessarily. That pissed me off. I think police would have arrested an adult for this. Two girls reporting it...I think that holds a lot of weight and credibility. Whether or not a conviction was obtained, that's a different story. But I know they would've been arrested.

Hearing things like that are NOT helpful and it just leaves me that much angrier.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

My case was also thrown out by the Victim Witness judge threw out the case because he did not consider my daughter to be a credible witness because she was only three. It was extremely hard for me to hear this and I was enraged. Can relate and I am so glad that you are getting some help to cope better.

 

[Heather]

I feel terrible because when we used to live at our old address.... I would tell Nicole that she would have to include Selena and make it try to work. Even though she would come down at times and say she hated her and never wanted to play with her again.

If I'd known what was happening, I never would've pushed it. But it was a two family house and they lived right upstairs. I was trying to keep the peace.

So, since then I promised Nicole that I would never, ever force her to play with someone she doesn't want to.

Nicole no longer wants to play with Brianna (other little girl that was abused). She says for two reasons: she can be annoying and it reminds her of what happened.

There was a problem last week with my phone and all contacts had been deleted. So, I've been slowly re-entering them. The relevance to this is, that the phone just rang and it was Brianna. She said she hadn't seen us in awhile and wondered if Nikki could come over.

I'm not good with quick answers and lied. Saying, "Nicole was at her grandmothers". When she invited 3 other friends over from old neighborhood and one of them wasn't Brianna. I'm afraid, with the way the girls talk this will get back to Brianna and she will find out that she wasn't invited. Her feelings are going to be hurt.

But I can't go back on my word to my daughter. If she doesn't want to play with her I need to honor that.

I hold Brianna very close to my heart, if it wasn't for her disclosing to me what happened. I never would've never known about Nikki and it probably would still be going on. That little girl trusted me to tell. She still calls me and tells me things, that she hasn't told her dad or mom. I encourage her to tell them.

It's just a shitty situation.

 

[Casey_03]

I think someone needs to tell Brianna what's going on. It's just too cruel not to. And she is dealing with her own trauma from all of this, it could really cause irreparable damage for her to feel abandoned and ostracized by one of her close friends. I know it's not your responsibility to take care of her and you have your own things to deal with and your own daughter to take care of, but maybe call Brianna's dad and explain things to him? Just say Nicole finds it too painful to be around Brianna but it's nothing personal ... then maybe he can break it to her so she at least won't feel ostracized?

 

[Heather]

@Casey_03 I completely agree with you. I feel responsible for Brianna, even though I am not her mother. I was thinking about calling her dad and explaining how Nicole feels but I'd go one further and ask him to have her therapist help explain it to her.

He's a guy and nothing against him but sometimes, it's better coming from a professional.

Especially with the way that a man's brain works, he told me he's convinced Selena's parents paid off svu detective to not bring charges: it's preposterous. Probably just his anger talking but I don't want him to explain it in a way that would hurt Brianna....that's why I'd suggest the therapist explaining it to her.

I'm gonna leave it alone for now but if she continually calls....then I'll have the talk with her dad. Who knows maybe I'm under-estimating him and he'll do just fine in explaining it to her.

My biggest fear is that he'll get offended and that's the last thing I want. Although from the conversations that I've had with him in the past he's been pretty understanding....So, I think I'm just scared because it will hurt Brianna and I don't want that.

I wish my daughter saw Brianna as a kindred spirit, kinda bonded together by shared experiences but sadly, that is not the case. It makes me sad for Brianna. But I have to respect where my daughter's at and if she can't be around her now, she can't be around her now.:(