Relationship Ptsd Sufferers Who Have Cheated On Their Partners, I Have Questions For You...

[EveHarrington]

Two therapists? That are your therapists? Extremely small sample sized, biased at best because you're paying them. Research online? In order to do said research you most likely googled "PTSD and cheating". Not representative of the entire PTSD population in the least. Googling just PTSD might yield one hit on cheating issues on page 10.

I don't see the trend because it simply isn't there. I've been on this board and another board before this one, one before that, and so on. All were focused on trauma/PTSD and none had a common theme of PTSD and cheating.

You seem to want very specific answers to your questions which will justify your beliefs. If someone (many ones) doesn't (do not) support your belief, you dismiss them. People are honestly trying to help you but you only seem to want the answers that fit into your world view. Unfortunately PTSD doesn't follow what many/most consider to be "real world rationality".

I'm not sure what exactly you were expecting by posting on a PTSD board that (essentially) PTSD makes people cheat. Lets not mince words. By saying that there is a huge uptick in cheating in those who have PTSD, you're saying that there is a positive correlation between PTSD and cheating. And not just a correlation but a causation. No, PTSD does not cause cheating.

I don't understand how you're getting upset that we're not agreeing with your assessment and supporting it when making an unsupported unsubstantiated accusation (PTSD people cheat more than those in the general population.)

I've read most of your threads. To be honest, while your former partner's PTSD has caused an end to the relationship, I can pretty much guarantee you that your tightly held beliefs as to what is real, what is not real, what is, and what should be----are all going to ensure that the relationship has no chance of being mended.

i highly suggest that you open your mind and try to accept things which don't exactly seem rational to you. You will never understand PTSD unless you open your mind. Remember how you tried to play that love game and many people said no, don't do it, you'll push her away? And do you remember how that's exactly what happened? And that you told us that one single solitary person with PTSD said it would be fine to play the game and that's why you were going to do it anyway? You're seeking out only the answers you want and disregarding any oppositional evidence/opinion, even if it's overwhelming.

I hope you really can see that people are trying to help. Pushing away all that you don't want to hear isn't going to help you in the long run.

 

[Deleted member 17302]

Two therapists? That are your therapists? Extremely small sample sized, biased at best because you...

You and others are pushing away information. Just because you don't believe it doesn't mean you are correct. If that were the case, we would both be correct and both be wrong. That doesn't seem like a likely situation does it?

 

[Casey_03]

I second everything @EveHarrington wrote above. From reading your threads, it doesn't seem like you actually want to understand your partner at all, it seems like you want to reinforce your own distorted ideas about things and make yourself feel better about why she left by coming up with bogus theories. First you started seeking validation for your theory that maybe she has DID and her actions were committed by alters, now you're trying to blame cheating on PTSD. Have you ever stopped to think that maybe you are part of the problem and it's not all PTSD and illness? I hate to be rude, but I have to wonder if maybe your penchant for dismissing other people's feelings/suggestions/ideas is why the relationship ended? This behavior just seems very codependent, controlling, almost tyrannical. Nothing about it seems like love. You don't seem to be trying to understand your partner so much as trying to make yourself feel better about things at the expense of negating her right to her own feelings. I remember I responded to one of your earlier threads and suggested that maybe you should try to see your partner's side more clearly and understand her grief. You dismissed that suggestion. That seems to be an ongoing pattern - you dismiss and ignore anything that doesn't validate your own ideas. I'm really starting to suspect that THAT is what played a major role in the relationship ending, not just the PTSD.

 

[Fadeaway]

@Casey_03 I think you hit the nail on the head. He has made it very clear that he is only looking for people to tell him what he wants to hear. If the way he has tried to control this thread is any indication of how he has tried to control his relationship, then it becomes easy to imagine she cheated as a way to get out of the relationship.

All I am seeing is someone looking for reinforcement of their own beliefs while commiting multiple logical fallacies.

@mr_smith_v2 people really do want to help and we can sympathise with your pain, but you have to be willing to take a look at other view points, even if they are painful and conflict with your own. That is the only way personal growth happens.

 

[Recovery4Me]

You and others are pushing away information.

Sir... not all subjugate to stigmatization. Correlation between factors does not necessarily equal causality. Allow others their dignity.

 

[Sandstone]

I have PTSD, I have never cheated, but I have been cheated on, by a man with his own problems and secrets to keep. He didn't have PTSD. Ultimately it wasn't the cheating itself that ended the marriage, but his attitude to it.

For the last 12 years I have been happily and contentedly married to a kind, generous, supportive, thoughtful and caring man. Yes we have marriage issues and difficulties, just like anyone else, and we work them out like anyone else. If anything learning about PTSD and working to understand it has helped us, particularly because I am so much better now at stopping to think instead of reacting from an emotional or triggered state.

If you really want to rebuild your relationship, you need to understand the pain and turmoil PTSD brings. Your partner needs to understand the pain she has brought you, and then you both need to work openly on rebuilding together

The instability of her actions drove me nuts and so I said just leave.

It was interesting to see her fight with herself over what she had done and why and what she wanted to do

Those two comments sound very cold. It shouldn't be "interesting" it should be heartbreaking to see someone so confused and unable to come to terms with herself

 

[Tinyflame]

1000 likes @Sandstone .

Yes where's the love here? (Maybe it's just me.. ? :( :confused: )

 

[Deleted member 17302]

I have PTSD, I have never cheated, but I have been cheated on, by a man with his own problems and secr...

It was made cold to prevent the pain it brings me. She is the only person in my life other than my children that make me cry out of how much I love her when we both were happy together. Seeing her tormented is like watching a child walk into a fire but not being able to prevent it and being forced to watch it. My coldness is from all the nightmare level things that have happened in my life. It is one of the few ways I know how to cope with the terrible things reality has in it. Otherwise I would be crying all day long every day. It is interesting behavior from a logical viewpoint and terrifying to witness from an emotional viewpoint. I've always had to be an island and stay strong as much as possible due to lack of support and people that kept causing me great pain for their own selfish reasons.

 

[Sandstone]

I've always had to be an island and stay strong as much as possible due to lack of support and people that kept causing me great pain for their own selfish reasons.

That is the most productive thing I've seen you write on any of your threads. It must have been horrible for you and your wife trying to deal with the pain you have been through. Being a strong island would feel like the best you could do, but when you are both in pain, you need to live that pain together. I've experienced that over the loss of a child, so I do know how it was for me. There is no room for one person to be strong, it forces the other to be weak and to carry and experience more than their own share of the pain. You have to break together and then rebuild together if you are to get through it united.

If you feel able, I 'd like to hear more about the pain others have caused you. I absolutely believe that in many cases that pain has been inflicted on you for selfish reasons. People can be cruel, selfish and unthinking. I'm not so sure the pain your wife has caused has been wholly selfish, but you will know that better. Can you tell me more?

 

[Deleted member 17302]

You have to break together and then rebuild together if you are to get through it united.

This is a useful revelation. Thank you for sharing it. Her family all told me I had to be the strong one and to be honest I had to be due to her not having these terrible things happen to her and I have. She has thanked me more than once for being the strong one to help keep things supported and well. I have grieved a few times but it always tends to break her more in the process.

Your statement however seems very very reasonable. Can still be strong and grieve together. This makes sense. Thank you.

My other terrible situations? I don't think you have time to read a book on here...

 

[anonymous]

I think it might be helpful for you to discuss them.

 

[anonymous]

Oh, and I have never cheated in a 23 year old marriage despite many issues with intimacy and trust and dont see it here on the site either. Just as someone said in the form of new combat relationships. Different kettle of fish. I sincerely doubt the incident in PTSD is higher.