Jamie starr
New Here
Hi, I joined the forum yesterday because after many years of counselling on and off my most recent counsellor told me that I am suffering from PTSD.
To cut a very long story short, I was raised by my mother until the age of 11. During this time she was in a DV relationship with a long term boyfriend. I would often see and hear her being abused. I was also the victim of her physical and emotional abuse until I went to live with my father. My father lived with his parents and I had a strict upbringing. My paternal grandfather was very abusive and often physically abusive towards my grandmother. Throughout my life I've tried desperately not to allow my childhood experiences to affect me but I have struggled at work (specifically with perm jobs and with folk that I consider authority figures) in relationships and with how I feel about myself. I've recently quit a job because I was told that I wasn't adding any value and reactive and despite strides to educate myself, live an independent life, I still feel like a scared child. I have a very good counsellor but after quitting my job she suggested that I try EMDR as she thinks I have my trauma on loop. I've starting to lose hope that I will ever recover and the realisation that I have PTSD is both a gift and a curse because it puts so much into context for me and my life. Nonetheless, I feel like a massive failure in life despite being educated to post grad level, I don't drink, smoke, take drugs or am promiscuous. I feel like I'm being punished for something I have no control over. I'm having Emdr therapy in the hopes that things will turn around for me. I'd love to connect with others in the forum and am so pleased that there is a safe community for me and others with ptsd.
To cut a very long story short, I was raised by my mother until the age of 11. During this time she was in a DV relationship with a long term boyfriend. I would often see and hear her being abused. I was also the victim of her physical and emotional abuse until I went to live with my father. My father lived with his parents and I had a strict upbringing. My paternal grandfather was very abusive and often physically abusive towards my grandmother. Throughout my life I've tried desperately not to allow my childhood experiences to affect me but I have struggled at work (specifically with perm jobs and with folk that I consider authority figures) in relationships and with how I feel about myself. I've recently quit a job because I was told that I wasn't adding any value and reactive and despite strides to educate myself, live an independent life, I still feel like a scared child. I have a very good counsellor but after quitting my job she suggested that I try EMDR as she thinks I have my trauma on loop. I've starting to lose hope that I will ever recover and the realisation that I have PTSD is both a gift and a curse because it puts so much into context for me and my life. Nonetheless, I feel like a massive failure in life despite being educated to post grad level, I don't drink, smoke, take drugs or am promiscuous. I feel like I'm being punished for something I have no control over. I'm having Emdr therapy in the hopes that things will turn around for me. I'd love to connect with others in the forum and am so pleased that there is a safe community for me and others with ptsd.
