Positivity On The Chat

[Deleted member 28403]

@Bloomy
I'm sorry for the triggering effect his has had on you :hug: Will take that into account

 

[Deleted member 32731]

I've had people not respond to me a lot, and this is because chat is extremely fast paced, people jump in and out often and topics are nonexistent lol so we are always talking about different things. Sometimes when I am on with just 2 people I can talk about something consistently for a lil but you can't time it. For a good consistent feedback-input you should either start a thread or participate in an existing one meeting your needs.

Take care :hug:

 

[Bloomy]

I just want to add that not being used to having constructive and positive support has led me to feel shameful of doing things that is good for myself, So that you understand more of where this came from. All to often Ive been shut down when I share things that are valuble to me. Because others feel bad or not good enough or so forth. And then they become jealous or feel down or anything like that.

I will make a thread next time and be bold and brave to ask for postitive support.

@ladee yeah its been some battles to fight within me the last weeks. Or even to say after Ive joined this sight. That made me realise so many things about my self. And what I need to grow. And what I dont need. I have even battled my therapist since the therapy wasnt very constructive. And after that I get better support from her and Ive learned some important lessons.

Now I will log of and seize the sun that is shining outside. I also hope for the best as to the job, but most important is that I dared to apply and then I hope it will be break through to aplly for other jobs if this one doesnt come through.

 

[Casey_03]

I overcame myself.

But I got my act togheter and reminded myself of the skills I actually have and what I can actually bring of value and did the cv today as part of applying for this job.

This is a huge milestone, and you should be proud. You have an inner strength you weren't even aware of before, and you are rediscovering it.

 

[Bloomy]

@Florian7051 all the best to battle your dragons :-) Ill write more later, but I also need to get out now. You can do this :)

 

[joeylittle]

@Bloomy - it's good that you posted to work this stuff out - it's a perfect example of why threads are (often) stronger than chat.

Do you know why you need other people to confirm for you that you succeeded at something? That, I think, is a useful question. But also - it's OK to fully communicate your needs. Saying 'I had this great thing happen!', and then hoping that people can read your mind and know that you actually need support around that, is stopping short of asking for what you want.

Saying 'I had this great thing happen, and I'm very uncomfortable with patting myself on the back, so could people please validate that it's a great thing?' (or some such) - tells people what you would like.

Of course, they still don't have to give it to you - but it's far more likely that they will.

And: congratulations on the application - I have that problem to, re-doing my CV so that it reflects the things that I'm supposedly capable of, because it feels both uncomfortable and dangerous to be nice to myself that way. So I'm really, really aware of how hard that is, and extra excited for you! :)

 

[Bloomy]

@joeylittle after thinking about it and checking the log afterwards it seems people were actually rude to me in the chat or atleast obviously ignoring me. It seems in retroperspective the feeling of not being treated right was actually to the point. So question also seems to be why people have the need to treat people like I were treated today?

People dont have to read my mind as I usually have learned to come straight forward when it comes to what I need. More or less.

As to why I need support on positive actions in addition to the lesser positive Ive also thought about this after logging of. Im a human I need humans. We are after all not islands on our owns are we?

I rarely recived love and support in throughout my life. After all my traumas and during some particulary rough time I managed to educate myself as a trainer some years ago. . Had to overcome myself to be able to do this work. Got employed at a grand training center. It showed out I had skills and was professional and that customers really liked me. I thought Id made it. Finally. Only to soon after find people or rather colleagues to be jealous and then to be mobbed out of the job market.
And so the story goes. Trauma upon trauma upon trauma. Being finally a fit person (it has been a battle to change lifestyle) and on top of it a trainer is something peope can not handle very well without being jealous. Instead of support over all that Im overcoming I get sour comments or total neglect or invalidation. Scrutinized.

As a consequence of all the traumas and re traumas and mobbing Ive lost the belive Ill ever get back to work. No matter what I do I seem to be a shit person not worthy nothing good. Best to stay in my little corner. Im aware that my life is my responsibility, but Im also aware that the reason I fail to bloom over and ovr is that I really need people and positive affirmations.

So it has been a battle the last months to get my self back on the feets again to do this. To belive I can. And therefor I say I need positive validation too. Only to hear that Im a shit person doesnt nuture me to grow. Or to be ignored. And yes I said that nobody needs to give me nothing. Its not their dutie. But If I can be constructive in crtiicism here - I think that all of us surviving trauma is in need of positive affirmations. We all had enough battles to fight. And its important for be to learn to stand up for myself and this site should hopefully be the right sight for the practise of this.

Thanks Joey :) I figured out that if Im first to apply for job aint no use in hinder my self by having a cv that doesnt reflect any of what I actally have done. But yeah - its a rough journey towards hopefully blooming :-) Are you in work now by the way?

 

[joeylittle]

Are you in work now by the way?

Yep!

Or to be ignored.

You know, part of the issue can actually be that member have you on ignore. I haven't read the logs, and I don't know if anyone does have you on ignore - but if they do, then they would not even see your chat post. And it's not something you can or should take personally. Everyone here has access to that feature, and we encourage it when people perceive other members to be generally triggering, or stressful to interact with. But it's all perception.

People are always free to do what they want; it's why the site is as diverse as it is, which I think is a good thing - though, it can be upsetting when you'd like people to behave differently.

So it has been a battle the last months to get my self back on the feets again to do this. To belive I can. And therefor I say I need positive validation too.

This is wonderful, and clear. I also think you are doing lots of great processing on this thread. Honestly - the chat room is the last place I'd go to get the kind of feedback you are looking for, unless what you want to practice is assertiveness in asking for the positive support, and you will be OK if you don't get it. Threads, like this one, work so much more effectively - you are accessing many more readers, many more people in different frames of mind, who can respond thoroughly if they choose, or move on if they don't think they have anything to say - and you aren't privy to any of that as being 'ignored'; it's not super-fast, the way things are in chat. These are just my thoughts, of course.

its a rough journey towards hopefully blooming

I like knowing what your name means. It's really beautiful.

 

[Sideways]

@Bloomy - uh oh! Stand back because here they come! YAY!!! Shakin' my virtual pompoms for you and wavin' em round all over the place!!!

I don't go into chat, but I love it (love it, love!) when people come back to the forum with a success story:). Go you good thing! It sounds like it almost doesn't matter right now whether you get this job, because just applying is TOTALLY awesome (as in the 100% genuine kind)!

That said, I'm rootin' for you - really really hope you get a win, because you deserve some great stuff happening for you in your life:)

(And so's you know, I only bring out my virtual pompoms on really good occasions!)

 

[Ellabella44]

congrats on applying for a job!! Wishing you get one that suits your comfort level and that you find it rewarding.

 

[Deleted member 33052]

Bloomy, I'm sure you've noticed that sometimes chat gets stupid busy, and if someone is requiring a lot of attention, they will get most of the attention. Sometimes it's really just bad timing. You might jump in halfway through a discussion that many people are quite involved in. Or maybe you arrived 30 seconds after someone who was in the middle of a crisis...

I am so impressed with what you've accomplished already. I would love to hear about the job. Why don't you PM me? :hug:

 

[EveHarrington]

I see lots of defense for chat behavior but nobody ever says "hey, your right, we should ALL make an effort to be polite and say hi in chat and make an attempt to include everybody".

What's so hard about extending common courtesies? The chat environment to a newbie is quite intimidating because it's hard to walk into a room full of people who already know each other and are already friends and try to fit in.

JMHO but instead of making excuses as to why people are ignored and why people aren't included when they make an honest effort, I think a better approach is to try and change the chat environment. It's not hard-----one person can have an effect because others will follow their lead. Lead by example.

I have a hard time buying the "bad timing" or "people didn't see you" excuses when this sort of thing is a repeating pattern across time, across various members. I'm sure that ----some---- of it is bad timing, but all of it? Nope.

And if that's just how chat is? Maybe I'm ill suited to that type of environment. I'd like to think that people would be warm and welcoming but perhaps I'm being to idealistic. (Darn my parents for instilling a sense of common courtesy to all in me! LOL)