Sufferer Just Need To Vent

Hey everyone.

My friend with CPTSD recommended this place two years ago and im finally getting around to checking it out. I’ve spent the last 4-5 years living one day at a time since developing migraines (with aura) that force me to slow down when i get too stressed. Ive mostly adjusted to this life style and i dont even feel much shame around the inability to work at anywhere near the levels i used to anymore. But im currently trying to live a life with plans again instead of just floating through life avoiding everything, and that is stressing me the f*ck out. I hate this time of year specifically, the anxiety trying to get my brain to agree to let me do my taxes is hard every year. Mental blocks like that are the main reason ive come here to vent. I cant really bring myself to self to pay my bills but maybe every three months. And the late fees and shame aren’t helping. Im in a position where I’ve been able to live like this because before my CPTSD went symptomatic, i was very driven and bought a beat up old house in a rural area that i was able to pay off, so i can live cheap, but this lifestyle isnt sustainable. I spent my retirement to buy time to actually heal, and a few years of rest seem to have achieved that, but my nervous system is still problematic. I f*cking hate these mental blocks. Im tired of not being able to do basic adult responsibilities i once took pride in. Im lucky in alot of ways, i could easily be homeless if things had gone differently, but im not sure how im going to return to making money while essentially being allergic to stress. Hoping that venting here occasionally will help.

Take care.

Welcome! This is a great space for venting - you’re surrounded by some of the world’s pro-venter’s here

welcome,
relate to you on some of the things you said

I hear you. I have issues with thugs I used to be able to do. I was an over functioning person with CPTSD. I thought if I did everything right, the mental stuff would sort itself out. Wrong! Some examples: Opening the mailbox to find bills is the first panic, opening them and reading second. Putting them to the side and or forgetting and paying late fees. I feel like a child. The same with doctors appointments, make them break them. Going out make the break them. My intention is good, but as soon as the date is close no can do. Welcome to the forum I get it

Susan Jane said:

I hear you. I have issues with thugs I used to be able to do. I was an over functioning person with CPTSD. I thought if I did everything right, the mental stuff would sort itself out. Wrong! Some examples: Opening the mailbox to find bills is the first panic, opening them and reading second. Putting them to the side and or forgetting and paying late fees. I feel like a child. The same with doctors appointments, make them break them. Going out make the break them. My intention is good, but as soon as the date is close no can do. Welcome to the forum I get it

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Totally. And then there’s the whole if i push through the mental block my body instantly decides its time to get sick or get a pinched nerve, or migraines, even if it was something stupidly simple like shoveling for 10 minutes when my nervous system wasn’t on board with that yet. “I feel like a child”, ya, that pretty well sums it up.