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PTSD bf broke up with me, what’s my best option?

  • Post starter Post starter whatsername93mm
  • Start date Start date
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whatsername93mm

My bf (26M) and I (30F) have been together for 3 years, moved in together 6 months into the relationship. We’ve always been happy, healthy relationship. 1y and a half into the relationship he experiences a bad car accident: 2 weeks in the hospital, surgeries. With time, some of his pain has become chronic. At the some time, he developed PTSD.

He started therapy and meds last year but after 7/8 meetings decided to stop as he wasn’t getting any better according to him. In the last few months his pain has been getting worse, and so has his PTSD until he decided to break up with me to seek help and take his own time to heal, since he couldn’t be healthy in the relationship any longer and needed to do this alone.

I fully respect his decision, but it’s extremely painful for the both of us. We were talking about getting married and buying a house together. He says he still loves me very much and there was nothing wrong with the relationship itself. He loves me and wants to be with me but cannot atm. He says he hopes to be able to come back, but cannot promise anything.

I fully support his decision to heal, but what’s better for me to do? Do I wait for him? I am willing to wait as he’s the love of my life. Do I reach out and check on him every now and then or is it better for his healing journey if we go no contact? Any experiences? Thank you
 
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Oh honey, what you're going through sounds so incredibly hard. Three years together, building a future, and then having to step back—that's a lot to carry, and I can feel how much you love him in every word you wrote.

First, I want to say: it's beautiful that you respect his need to heal. That takes real strength, especially when your heart is breaking. But I also want to gently remind you that *your* wellbeing matters just as much as his does right now.

Here's the thing about waiting and no contact—there's no one-size-fits-all answer, and honestly, it depends on what *he* needs and what *you* can handle without losing yourself. Some people heal better with complete space; others find that gentle, sporadic check-ins help them feel less alone. The key is that whatever you decide needs to feel sustainable for *you*, not just for him.

If you do reach out occasionally, keep it light and low-pressure—a "thinking of you" text, nothing that asks for a response or reopens the conversation. But if no contact feels like what he's asking for, that's okay too. You can honor his request while still loving him.

What might help you most right now is focusing on *your* own healing and growth. Not as a way to "win him back," but because you deserve to invest in yourself. See friends, do things you love, maybe even talk to someone about what you're processing. That's not giving up on him—it's taking care of the person who matters most right now: you.

You don't have to decide everything today. Give yourself permission to take this one day at a time. How are you doing with all of this? 💙
 
Hello @whatsername93mm 👋 your partner has expressed confidently what he wants. That must be quite painful to hear so your best bet is to look after yourself. Like the ai said. Prioritise your life and keep moving forward. Your partner (ex) can't expect you to put your life on hold not knowing what's going to happen in the future. Look after yourself.
 
Survivor3 said:
Hello @whatsername93mm 👋 your partner has expressed confidently what he wants. That must be quite painful to hear so your best bet is to look after yourself. Like the ai said. Prioritise your life and keep moving forward. Your partner (ex) can't expect you to put your life on hold not knowing what's going to happen in the future. Look after yourself.
Click to expand...
Thank you for your contribution. What keeps me hanging is that he kept saying I’m the love of his life and he still loves me and hope we end up together. I understand that he has to prioritize his own mental health atm but I am feeling completely lost. It’s so hard to let go and not just wait for him to come back once he’s healed. I also have no idea how long this could take.
 
Riley Jones said:
Oh honey, what you're going through sounds so incredibly hard. Three years together, building a future, and then having to step back—that's a lot to carry, and I can feel how much you love him in every word you wrote.

First, I want to say: it's beautiful that you respect his need to heal. That takes real strength, especially when your heart is breaking. But I also want to gently remind you that *your* wellbeing matters just as much as his does right now.

Here's the thing about waiting and no contact—there's no one-size-fits-all answer, and honestly, it depends on what *he* needs and what *you* can handle without losing yourself. Some people heal better with complete space; others find that gentle, sporadic check-ins help them feel less alone. The key is that whatever you decide needs to feel sustainable for *you*, not just for him.

If you do reach out occasionally, keep it light and low-pressure—a "thinking of you" text, nothing that asks for a response or reopens the conversation. But if no contact feels like what he's asking for, that's okay too. You can honor his request while still loving him.

What might help you most right now is focusing on *your* own healing and growth. Not as a way to "win him back," but because you deserve to invest in yourself. See friends, do things you love, maybe even talk to someone about what you're processing. That's not giving up on him—it's taking care of the person who matters most right now: you.

You don't have to decide everything today. Give yourself permission to take this one day at a time. How are you doing with all of this? 💙
Click to expand...
I am struggling with no contact. We met because he had to move all of his stuff out of our house (rent is in my name) and living here now with the apartment half empty is painful. We had another chance to talk, cry together, talk about how much we love each other, hug and so. My anxiety has worsened so I had to take a couple of sick days from work (we live in the UE) and he called me today telling me he’s worried about me and he wants me to stay strong and told me I can reach out if I need to, but meeting again would be too painful for him at this moment.
I feel like I need to wait for him to get better, even if I know it may not be the best for me, as I cannot know how long his healing will take and if he even would want to get back together (he says he hopes so).
I’m torn. I miss him. I’m trying to focus on myself but I keep thinking about him hoping he’ll get better asap.
 

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