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  1. arfie

    Do I have to be angry?

    personally, i would rather try to enforce NASA regulations on bumblebees than to insist on consistent emotions in human beings, especially the humans suffering PTSD. the heart goes where it goes, jane. i deal with what it sends, when it sends it.
  2. arfie

    Getting the message - Going through life alone

    i relate loud and clear, imbroglio, though i have been married more than half my 71 years. i tend to feel more lonely in a crowd than i do when i am alone. this realization was my turning point. healing began when i stopped trying to climb a lifeline which was attached only to my own belt...
  3. arfie

    Sexual Assault What was the point?

    i will second @Sideways' take that it matters because of the self-validation/respect. i will also add credence to her assertion that the trials are traumatic. i *won* my day in court and found the trial to be far more traumatic than the crime and nobody seemed to notice or care. it was...
  4. arfie

    Days I don't want to be here

    yup, it would definitely be easier to die than to get people to understand me. on my more peaceful days, i can admit that i don't understand myself. how can i expect other people to understand me when i can't even understand my singular self? those are my more peaceful days because i am not...
  5. arfie

    Is someone always driving when it's not you?

    hmmmm. . . i'm not quite sure i am catching the metaphor, but i get lost in metaphor with discouraging ease. it sounds kinda like what i call, "dissociation" where nothing feels real to me, and/or my "victim mode" where i just take whatever gets thrown at me instead of thinking for myself. the...
  6. arfie

    Finding things hard, during 2 week break

    my peer support network is usually an effective tool for me for getting through the pro breaks. listening. . .
  7. arfie

    When my mom said it, it was abuse. When I say it, it's self-compassion.

    great epitome, carlito. congratulations. over the course of my own inner child therapy, my certainty that i was consistent and honest in my views morphed into a goal more than accomplishment. it remains a goal 40 odd years later. honest consistency is far harder than i ever imagined. be gentle...
  8. arfie

    Sufferer Introduction from IT guy

    if 1982 is your birth year, then you are smack dab between my two sons agewise. it was a golden era for computer careers. you could just about get a job if you could define, "internet." my first computer job was army signal corps in CINCUSAEUR headquarters. the comm center had 4 separate...
  9. arfie

    Sufferer Introduction from IT guy

    pardon my ignorance, but? ? ? may i ask what "neurodivergent" means to you? i looked it up and the term seems to cover a wide variety of conditions. personally, i think the user levels and scores make this site feel like a video game. i think. i started computer work in the 70's when a cheap...
  10. arfie

    How does dissociation feel for you?

    my dissociation typically happens after i have exhausted myself in fight and/or flight. they feel like i am floating in a void. life is but a dream. nightmares qualify as dreams, don't they?
  11. arfie

    How do you distinguish cognitive distortion from genuine experiences?

    i steer away from the effort of defining the actions of other people. the value and intent of their actions is theirs to sort. what other people think of me is not my business. your thoughts are yours, my friend. may they serve you well. leaving others to sort their own frees up considerable...
  12. arfie

    Fear of being a person? Or fear of having 'a self'?

    in my own psychosis management, i believe i get myself into trouble when i attempt to find absolute clarity in those lines. where is that line between the catharsis of visualizing myself as a falcon soaring overhead and the dissociation where i refuse to down from my tree perch? there is clearly...
  13. arfie

    Sufferer New here and need help after 12 years of the wrong diagnosis.

    hello lc. welcome to the forum. sorry for what brings you here, but glad you are here. hearing issues have excluded me from the zoom boom, so i am clueless on that score, but a support group genre i find myself wanting to recommend is grief support. i lost my adult son in a car accident nearly...
  14. arfie

    New courses - outside my "normal"

    71 year old student grin coming at you. . . toothless, no less. i can't remember the last time i had a teacher/professor/mentor who was older than i and my one ambition in life is to be learning something new on the day that i die. i'm not sure i can separate my healing journey from my learning...
  15. arfie

    Intensive EMDR week and loss of trust

    don't accuse me of experting, but i earnestly believe feeling safe is basic to any life form advanced enough to have a survival instinct. alas, that basic need becomes a power hungry monster when hyper-vigilance kicks in. i resist going back to that lonely bubble because if i do as i have always...
  16. arfie

    Does Anyone Fantasise to protect themselve?

    i do, mondo big time. i have had therapy supporters who call that, "creating a safe space" and "visualization." awareness and support are the biggest diffs between the childhood coping mechanism and the psychotherapy versions.
  17. arfie

    When people in life just want to stop doing things they find annoying

    macho big time, especially with adult children. i wish continually for a magic wand which will let me change a lifetime of habit in a single incantation. alas, old habits die hard. apologizing as light spiritedly as possible helps with the positive reinforcement with which this tiger can change...
  18. arfie

    Fear of being a person? Or fear of having 'a self'?

    yup, methinks i know this phenom, all too well. my sense of self is quite feral. i don't much like homo sapiens or their human doings and would much as being of a separate species, altogether. grizzly bear is the species i most often fantasize belonging too. they get to live mostly solitary...
  19. arfie

    Another person lost

    live, chorded telephone, penpal, online, in my head or whatever, the low self-esteem which fosters the feeling that i am just a piece of shit has sabotaged every relationship i have ever had. that is the piece i work on when that rejected feeling rises. healing happens. i hope it happens here...
  20. arfie

    I tried an improv class again and I feel bad

    amen, i say unto thee, amen. all the more reason to be gentle with myself and patient with the process. my current approach is to replace my self-flagellation habit with a spirit of learning. after years of practice i often feel like that spirit of learning is giving way to learning habits. just...
  21. arfie

    I tried an improv class again and I feel bad

    empathy, soulseeker. in my own case, any human activity is out of my comfort zone. classes, church, street fairs, whatever, whatever. if there are humans there, any excuse will do to get out of it. my shower grout need scrubbing. shame? it ain't the biggest shame in my shame bucket. but the...
  22. arfie

    Memories of my attempted suicide

    suicide threats are a tradition in my family. the threats were carried through enough times that it was hard to take the threats lightly, but? ? ? how many times a week can i listen to this without going off the deep end? off the deep end i went, perhaps as part of that ripple effect @Friday...
  23. arfie

    Childhood Sometimes I wonder if the power of suggestion could cause PTSD, but then I look back and think “that can’t be possible”…

    there are theories that ptsd is the number one cause of ptsd. within that debate is another debate i have heard called, "secondary ptsd." my eldest son --now a 45 year old homeless crackhead-- never experienced serious physical trauma in his childhood that i am aware of, but he started...
  24. arfie

    Sufferer Cptsd and chronic illness, looking for friends and support

    hello bluebinstein. welcome to the forum. sorry for what brings you here, but glad you are here. empathy. i went through a series of domestic shit storms which culminated in my inheriting 3 young orphans with the 2019 traffic deaths of my son and his wife. the shit storms had little direct...
  25. arfie

    Trying to redefine the way I speak to myself

    a piece i struggle with is letting my best be enough. my damaged self-esteem keeps telling me i need to keep trying harder and that my best will never be good enough. taking the time to celebrate when i have done my imperfect best serves as a positive reinforcement that my best is good enough...
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