Another person lost

[Theasylumsystem]

I'm stuck between feeling completely numb and absolutely spiraling. I'm angry and sad, and it makes me hate myself even more than normal. Talked to this guy (online) every day for two weeks. I thought he was interested in me, but tonight he just blocked me out of nowhere. It feels like another confirmation that I am unlovable. My therapist says that looking online for connection isn't going to work, and maybe she's right. I don't know. I'm just hurt, and it feels like it all just comes back to me being a piece of shit.

 

[parrotthepolly]

Usually people online are not who they say they are and even if it's a profile with their own pictures and seems legitimate, they could be faking their personality for a multitude of reasons. It's difficult to tell the tone through just text and that can be used to fool you since it's so easy to hide body language.

Two weeks is an incredibly short time and not enough to actually know a person or pick up on their behaviours and schemes.

Just cause some stranger online isn't interested in you doesn't make you unlovable to the right person. You're showing a common cognitive distortion here.

 

[Metropolitan Nomad]

I'm stuck between feeling completely numb and absolutely spiraling. I'm angry and sad, and it makes me hate myself even more than normal. Talked to this guy (online) every day for two weeks. I thought he was interested in me, but tonight he just blocked me out of nowhere. It feels like another confirmation that I am unlovable. My therapist says that looking online for connection isn't going to work, and maybe she's right. I don't know. I'm just hurt, and it feels like it all just comes back to me being a piece of shit.

You’re not lost. I’ve had a disagreement with a user here but I do agree with the notion that online is wrong.

 

[Movingforward10]

Your worth is not defined by the actions of a stranger on the internet.

You are worth waaayyyyyyy more.

How can you build that internal sense of self worth so that these knock backs aren't felt so deeply?

 

[Tilt-A-Whirl]

Your worth is not defined by the actions of a stranger on the internet.

You are worth waaayyyyyyy more.

How can you build that internal sense of self worth so that these knock backs aren't felt so deeply?

One suggestion is not to rely on the internet as a crutch. Yes by all means link up with like minded people but don't use it as a replacement for human contact.

 

[whiteraven]

So, I am at odds with folks who don't believe online is a good way to connect. I've made amazing friends and have met two guys through online forums. They've all been exactly who they said they were. You absolutely have to be careful, and...

Two weeks is an incredibly short time and not enough to actually know a person or pick up on their behaviours and schemes.

Totally agree! And anyone who is ghosting you after two weeks is not worth the time and says more about them than it does you.

Sometimes it's hard to do the online thing. But if you are patient, ask lots of questions, pay attention, and if something sounds "off," question it.

 

[captain jigglypuff]

I’m often abandoned after two weeks of talking online s well. I often think that I’m just unwantable. I just wish that I knew what the problem was.

 

[arfie]

I'm just hurt, and it feels like it all just comes back to me being a piece of shit.

live, chorded telephone, penpal, online, in my head or whatever, the low self-esteem which fosters the feeling that i am just a piece of shit has sabotaged every relationship i have ever had. that is the piece i work on when that rejected feeling rises. healing happens. i hope it happens here. just hoping. . .

 

[user56652]

I’m often abandoned after two weeks of talking online s well. I often think that I’m just unwantable. I just wish that I knew what the problem was.

I don't think its a case of being "unwantable"as you call it. Online or "parasocial" relationships are becoming more common and from what I understand about them one person in the "relationship" invests everything into it and gets nothing or is "ghosted" in return.

The only way anyone can get to know anyone is in the real world. Now I know that sounds harsh and the real world is a hard place but its the only place where things can change.

 

[Rose White]

Online or "parasocial" relationships are becoming more common and from what I understand about them one person in the "relationship" invests everything into it and gets nothing or is "ghosted" in return.

Online and para social relationships are not equivalent to lopsided relationships. Online is just that and para social refers to activities that are done in proximity to each other but not with each other. For people with social anxiety or other social struggles both of these ways of interacting can be helpful and stabilizing.

Your opinion on the best way to get to know someone might be shared with some others but is not a universal truth.

 

[user56652]

Online and para social relationships are not equivalent to lopsided relationships. Online is just that and para social refers to activities that are done in proximity to each other but not with each other. For people with social anxiety or other social struggles both of these ways of interacting can be helpful and stabilizing.

Your opinion on the best way to get to know someone might be shared with some others but is not a universal truth.

I agree its not a universal truth. I don't know the full facts of the OP's situation and I'm certainly not going to ask either. I do engage in para-social activities myself via volunteering and my realisation that my online relationships were simply ones with people who didn't give damn about me caused me to have a meltdown.

I agree though that 2 weeks is not a sufficient timeframe to get to know anyone. Ive never bought this idea of people "clicking"

Parasocial relationships: How well do we really know the people we follow online?

You know their children's names, their go-to breakfast and the story of their breakdown - but to them, you're just another faceless follower. Sound familiar? Parasocial relationships have become part of life online - but what does it mean to be in one? And do they do more harm than good?

news.sky.com

 

[Rose White]

Hey I never heard para social applied to that way but it’s interesting that people feel attached to influencers, I guess like they do to celebrities. I wouldn’t call that one-sided I would call that a fantasy but that’s just me. I can see why it would be off putting to you, it is to me too.