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It’s not my fault. No more than it’s his fault when he stumbles into my triggers. We both take things personally that have nothing to do with each other. He avoids almost all conflict, not just our relationship issues. Yet it feels like I’m being rejected each time it happens, when he’s just...

I know he’s leaving because it’s the easier option. Detachment and avoidance are how he deals with the difficult parts of life. I wanted to be an exception, not just another thing he ran from. I pushed too hard when he became avoidant. Dumped too many feelings when he couldn’t handle them. The...

Mornings are really difficult. I wake up from not enough sleep, but I can’t fall back asleep quickly enough. I remember that he’s leaving and the rush of sadness wakes me up. I don’t want to face this messed up world without him.

Safe words are for unexpected triggers and for things you’ve given prior consent to, but may change your mind about in the moment. If you’ve agreed beforehand what is off-limits, you should be able to trust that it won’t happen. The other participant needs to know that silence ≠ consent.

My partner and I are breaking up. I’m feeling a lot of different ways about it. Part of me is relieved. It’s been a roller coaster, so it’ll be nice to have calm and order. I do well with predictability and routine. I know I’m going to be okay. But I’m really not okay right now. I don’t have a...

It’s a big deal for me, too. I’ve gotten really good at managing most of the triggers that come up during sex. Being ignored when I say no, stop, or do something different is something I can only manage by ending the sex, though. He takes it as rejection. I wasn’t particularly kind about it. I’d...

His parents are coming for a visit today. They don’t live nearby. I haven’t seen them in about a year and a half. Only met them a few times before. But they know more about me than my own family. He’s told them about the abuse and rapes. He’s also talked to them more about our relationship...

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I don’t think you’re a bad friend for expressing concern. I prefer direct communication like that myself. Complaining about your child to other adults in front them is not okay. I’d consider it emotional abuse even. It’s degrading and embarrassing for the child. It makes them feel unstable in...

I made a really big mistake this week. I think it might be the biggest mistake I’ve ever made. We were arguing about something inconsequential, but I felt dismissed and invalidated and got angry. He rightly withdrew from the situation and I went back to work. Then he sent me this long text and...

Hi and thank you for responding. We’ve talked pretty extensively about why this bothers me. He knows it reminds me of the times I was assaulted. The more I talk about it, the more I think this is a him problem, not a me problem. People have told me to find someone else to love, that I shouldn’t...

My partner is my biggest trigger, which isn’t unusual. He’s who I spend most of my time with and who I have sex with. Triggers aren’t entirely avoidable and I know they’re not all his fault. It’s when they are his fault that I really struggle, though. I was sexually assaulted when I was a...

I wasn’t dissociating. Not fully, anyway. I was still here, just mostly emotionless. Sex is actually easier for me in that state than it normally is. I’m much less anxious going into it and am less likely to end up triggered by anything that happens during it. I think he would have left if I’d...

My partner is upset with me because, a couple days ago, we had sex while I was shut down. It just sort of happened. He’d been avoiding me for a few days, then suddenly he was there and cuddling with me. It didn’t feel good. I wasn’t feeling much of anything at that point, but it definitely made...

Been having suicidal thoughts for the first time in decades. They started a few months ago and just seem to be worsening. I think it’s because of how often I’m getting triggered lately. My boyfriend moved in with me about 6 months ago, and I’ve had more bad days than good days since then. I...

Got triggered during sex last night. Boyfriend did something that he knows sets me off. We stopped. I got stuck in flashbacks. He finished himself off while I was reliving the reasons that sex is difficult for me. That part hurt more than the rest. I feel sick about it. And lost.

Thanks for the advice! I think I have a trauma therapist. His profile said it was one of the areas he specializes in, anyway. We haven’t done any emdr, just mostly talk therapy and some mindfulness exercises. He doesn’t think I’m ready yet to really get into processing my trauma, that I’m not in...

I’m not good at remembering most things, but when someone hurts me, it sticks. It’s practically impossible for me to get over things. Stuff my partner did that hurt me last year feels like it happened yesterday. Even small stuff. My therapist says this is normal, that it’s part of...

Sex with my new (8 months) partner isn’t working for me. There’s always an adjustment period for me in a new relationship, but it’s never lasted more than a couple weeks. With this guy, it’s only getting worse. Sorry if this is tmi, but it’s relevant: his size is painful and it’s triggering...

So I have a habit of committing to abusive people. I was taught to accept verbal and emotional abuse and neglect from a pretty young age. I’ve never managed to have a healthy relationship. But I think I might have a shot at one currently. Thing is, it takes very little to convince me that I...

Hi everyone, or whoever will actually read this, So I have c-ptsd from parental neglect and from growing up gay in a small town during the 80s and 90s, where I was told it was wrong to be who I was and spent the first 18 years of my life keeping it hidden. The shame I felt prompted me to seek...