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I have been trying to open up in therapy for the past couple of months. We have decided that journal therapy will really help. I have written things that I would never talk about in therapy and I am so anxious every time I give her the Journal. Sometimes I rip pages out sometimes it’s just a...

I have been in therapy for a little over a year. The one thing that I’ve been scared of is the label survivor. I have avoided it, I have written it and crossed it out. But never have I been able to say I am a survivor. Today in therapy we dug a little and get my past and she asked me what I...

I have been struggling for many years with depression and suicidal ideation. This year has definitely been the hardest for me. Is keeping an abusive relationship to having to move back into my parents house. I feel so worthless not being able to hold down a job I feel so helpless not being able...

So… I was recently hospitalized and my therapist normally calls me when I am in the hospital. I called her when I made it into the hospital and she didn’t return my phone call. I called her when I was in a crisis where nobody else will understand and she didn’t return my phone calls. I called...

I am having such a bad day. I have no one to talk to and my anxiety is getting the best of my morning. I have been journaling and coloring for the past hour and I still feel like a complete piece of crap! This all came out of nowhere. I woke up and my brain said “nope. Shit day for you!” Please...

I sit in a homeless shelter today with my son. I have been completely blindsided by the loss of this relationship. She tore me down then gave a swift kick to top it off. Monday was a bad day. Flashbacks and anxiety attacks. My partner came home and I went to them for a little comfort at the...

I have been in group therapy now for almost a year and was just invited to join a Service Dog support group! Yay! However. There is no way I could possibly be in public with such a large group (8 people) I want to go. I’m scared to go. What do I do? What would you do? Also... where is the...

You forced yourself on me, along with your touch. I pleaded for you to stop, but you still wouldn't get off. I closed my eyes tightly, wishing I were somewhere else. Wishing someone had been here to help. But I was on my own, with you as company. You were supposed to have been taking care of...

I have been stepping out. I don’t know what else to call it. My days have been going so well. Why? Because I’m stepping out and controlling the situation. I’m totally okay okay with it. And doesn’t seem to do any harm. Has anyone else experienced this? Should I tell my therapist?

Since January I have been hospitalized 7 times. Today marks one month I have not hospitalized. :) I am working hard each and everyday to keep it that way. Standing strong and riding the wave of emotions as the come and go.

Silently I cry for help, All i get is a whispering breeze, I cry for help, for mercy, for love, I want to get out, i want to be free, I try and scream, but nothing comes out, I’m disabled, I’m hurting, I’m longing to get away, I cry my tears of sorrow, But no one will know, I’m yet to be...

my homework this week was simple. Write a letter to your inner child. Little did I know my inner child was still broken, bruised, and alone. I would like to share just a piece of my letter to my inner child. Because just seeking my inner child was an accomplishment I hold dear I want to share...

Today I have Drum Therapy. We meet for 3hrs once a week. All of the members are very close because we have shared a journey that is unbelievable. I love this day. I look forward to this day every single week. However this week has been rough. I have been pacing my house. I was very manic one day...

This week has been the most difficult to say the least. Over the last six clients I have a been spiraling into a more depressed state that I found myself before starting therapy. They say things will get worse before they get better they do. I find myself every day watching the clock counting...

June 25th. Five years ago I gave birth to a beautiful blue eyed sleeping baby girl. Too precious to keep in Earth. I am struggling today. I want to leave this place and see what’s next. Is my baby girl waiting for me? Why can’t I be happy in the next life and not have it considered suicide...

I have been on a very good stride for the past month. Making public outings. Actually attending invited events. We are supposed to go to a theme park today. Today I woke up... just not having it. My anxiety is horrible, thoughts are racing, and I just can’t. Their response. Go get coffee and...

I sit here wondering today after engaging in self harm. I tend to watch children’s movies immediately after self harm every time. I am scared to talk to my therapist about this infuse she will have me hospitalized for the self harm. But I’m trying to find the connection. I feel as though I...

May is mental health awareness month. I personally battle with diagnosed anxiety, ptsd, and depression. It doesn’t mean I am always sad, and I may not always appear to be struggling. Opening up about our internal difficulties is a fragile process. Those battling mental illness don’t need to be...

Sometimes things are even hard to write down. In fear of someone will see it. In fear that I will read it and destroy it. Some days I work so hard on filling my daily journal with current and past pain. Why do I feel so less than when I use my journaling as a coping skill? Why do I feel like my...

A letter to my inner child. Thank you for being so dang tough! I couldn’t imagine surviving what you have! Today I am weak and weary thinking and healing from all this pain. Pain that you have survived. Pain that no one should have to go through. Standing where I am today I am blown away with...

I asked fhiabin the chat but. That scrolls away. Looking for possible insight for what is up tomorrow. : I am taking MY SON to his first therapy appointment in the morning. I think he is developing an anger issue. I can’t help but to feel like a failure. A failure as a mother. A mother that...

Thoughts of the end have been flying in and out of my mind all day. The feeling absolute failure hit me late last night when I woke from a horrendous nightmare. I picked myself up and hid in the other room to cry. Hiding the shame that I am feeling being a “survivor.” I do not feel as though...

I am sitting in the waiting area of CHCS. Coffee has grown chilly. Embarrassed to be sitting here in this lobby. Again. I am drowning out the sounds of coughs and throat clearing with headphones. Blasting meditation soundtracks. What ever I can do to get the anxiety controlled. However, the...

I am so scared today. A new memory has surfaced. The summer I was six years old. I cut my hair that year. They gave me hell about my short hair. “No girl I’d knowed ain’t got short hair.” This is my second summer visiting Mississippi. I worked real hard on spelling “MISSISSIPPI” that...

I chose to live. I made it through the night. I drove 4 hours looking for the perfect spot. Even visited “my spot” I chose to live. I turned my car around. Drove a little more. Grabbed coffee. “They remembered my name” I chose to live. Drove myself to the hospital. Fast pass to the...