Why can’t i just get over it?

[419can.dance]

Sometimes things are even hard to write down. In fear of someone will see it. In fear that I will read it and destroy it. Some days I work so hard on filling my daily journal with current and past pain. Why do I feel so less than when I use my journaling as a coping skill? Why do I feel like my journal is simply an escape from reality? I have been working so hard just to voice my pain and suffering. Working so hard to cope and heal from things I have hidden from for so long? Why do I even bother revisiting painful situations? Therapy is brought up many situations and memories that I just don’t remember. Why don’t I remember? Why can’t I heal?

 

[NightSky]

How long have you been in therapy?
How long have you used journaling?
PTSD means you can’t just “get over it.” No matter how much you want to. It doesn’t work like that.
Have you read any good books to help understand how trauma is stored in our bodies?
Can you explain what you mean by therapy brining up memories you don’t remember?

 

[EveHarrington]

Hi, Have you been processing your trauma in addition to writing about it and talking about it? Hugs.

 

[419can.dance]

I have only been writing about trauma for about six months. It is something that we can’t touch in therapy so we started therapeutic letters. They are hard to get through. Sometimes it takes me a whole week to get through one letter. When we used to do talk therapy on the trauma I would shut down in sessions. One shut down led to my first hospitalization. I enjoy writing because I can push my pen really hard against the paper And watch it tear just a little as I write down all of my pain.

 

[blackemerald1]

writing because I can push my pen reall

Keep writing. It can be very slow progress however one day you will look back and see how far you have come.

 

[Still Standing]

You are doing well. Just to be able to write down your pain and trauma is a huge step forward...even if it takes you a week to complete one. This is the first step in desensitization. The more you can write and read and then reread what your wrote, the more it softens the pain. It does not take it away but it makes it more manageable so you can then address it in therapy. I am doing this, because, I too, find it much easier to write than talk. You cannot expect grand results overnight, although that is what we all wish for in the struggle with PTSD. It is with determination and cooperation that we walk this journey. And in this journey, we are very hard on ourselves. We see our stuck points, failures, fears, numbing and all other negative stuff that we face and we can overwhelm ourselves with thoughts that we are not getting anywhere in therapy. But, we miss the baby steps we are making along the way. You are in baby steps. You are writing...that is progress. You are letting out things that have been stuffed in the dungeon. Now it is coming to the light, where it can be faced and dealt with. Good job! You are making progress.