Specific trigger within relationship that I can't seem to get over

The bottom line is that you are allowed to have preferences for a partner. You're allowed to only want to be with a man who never watches porn. You're allowed to be with a man who has naturally red hair. You're allowed to be with a man who works for an airline. You're allowed to be with a man with eleven toes. All or any of those are allowed to be deal breakers for you.

However, if you have identified a deal breaker, it is your job to communicate and enforce it. If your boyfriend quits his job at the airline and starts working for a bank against your wishes? Ideally your boyfriend would know and understand your deal breakers and break up with you himself. But if not, it's your job to enforce your deal breaker, unless you decide not working for an airline isn't as big of a deal as you thought it was. And then you need to communicate that.

It would be great if everyone was aware of what they will or will not accept before going into a relationship. Because it's really not fair to get blindsided by things your partner suddenly has decided they can't accept.


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I've got a few posts regarding this issue as well. I've been traumatised with porn too and I get triggered a lot if my boyfriend watched it. Eventually he stopped watching porn and it took me a looong time to accept that I am ok with the fact that I am not ok with porn.

I think that it isn't only for my trauma's but also because it feels disrespectful to me. You choose to share a life with me but sexually you would like to watch others. It doesn't feel right to me, it feels like cheating in my experience. I am very open about this issue with everyone and I met a lot of others who share this opinion. And I too struggled with 'I dont want to be that women who sets rules' but EVERY person has got certain things they (dis)like in relationships. Some people find it normal to eat fries every fri(e)day and this is just that one thing that makes my life bearable.

I stopped comparing my relationships to the public opinion, also delating all my socials helped a lot with this. I don't think it is 'restricting', I think it is finding a way to improve your day to day life and your relationship will be impacted with this as well. Most of the time just accepting what just is, will get A LOT of stress out of it.
Thanks for this input. I think there's a lot of shame tied into not being okay with porn, because of society's normalization of it. Any time that I've opened up to others about it in the past it's kind of backfired back at me with words like "EVERY man watches porn. It's normal. They're built different than women."