Sexual Assault 100 Possibly Not-so-shocking Facts About Chantel

[chant2012]

Here is 100 things about me. Some are silly and some are serious and due
directly to the SA and abuse in my life. It was a nice thing to do and it
actually helped me get in touch with myself some I think. Blessings to you all.

1. I am 21 years old.
2. I am an American.
3. I am a Cancer and my birthday is June 22nd.
4. I have hazel eyes and they sometimes change colors.
5. I had corn silk hair as a child, but it got darker and turned to a dish water ashy blonde color.
6. I am restoring my relationship with God.
7. I admittedly cuss too much.
8. I have had some very bad spots in life.
9. I have a lot of pain.
10. I am an RN.
11. I have the BEST dog ever.
12. I love music.
13. I love writing poetry and journaling.
14. I love to draw and paint.
15. I LOVE ballet and all dance in general.
16. I may seem really girly but I love the outdoors and am an avid hunter.
17. I have always felt like the odd one out.
18. I have battled with self injury since I was 13.
19. I started drinking at 14.
20. I started using prescription pills at 15 and marijuana when I was 16.
21. I had to complete an adolescent outpatient rehabilitation program at 16.
22. I over dosed at 16 and almost succeeded in killing myself (which led to the rehab).
23. After completing a year's worth of rehab I was clean and have been since more or less, slipped up a few times.
24. I love children and would love to have some one day.
25. I am putting God first and having faith it will all fall into place.
26. I am arachnophobic.
27. I have ADHD, depression, anxiety, and probable PTSD and OCD.
28. I have a short fuse.
29. I have a lot of anger towards my family.
30. I have had my heart broken more times than I can count as a child and as an adult.
31. I am a survivor of many types of abuse at different stages of my life.
32. I find reading the Bible and talking to God comforting.
33. I have a very hard time going day to day sometimes even with God's help.
34. I don't know what I would do without God... I would probably be dead.
35. I LOVE chocolate.
36. Coffee is my friend.
37. I had a best friend who was also my boyfriend; we were in love... we broke up. I lost my love and my friend.
38. I feel completely alone some days.
39. I feel uncomfortable when guys touch me out of no where.
40. I have trust too easily.
41. I get attached too easily.
42. I have many bittersweet memories in my childhood.
43. I avoid sleep like the plague.
44. I get flashback/nightmares.
45. I have asthma.
46. I have panic/anxiety attacks.
47. I love rainbows.
48. I love rain and the smell of rain.
49. I find mushroom hunting fun.
50. I enjoy four-wheeling.
51. I sometimes am fearful of me.
52. I do not always like or love myself.
53. I have hated myself more times than I can say.
54. I have always been a straight A student.
55. I love driving.
56. I love baking :)
57. I thoroughly enjoy taking walks and swimming.
58. I like make-up.
59. I have broken bones before.
60. I am trying to be more patient and kind.
61. I sometimes feel numb inside yet sometimes I feel such intense pain it is crippling.
62. I love nursing and I love taking care of my patients.
63. I love to read a good book.
64. My Kindle in my best friend.
65. I have a cat... She is cantankerous.
66. I had to move back in with my parents.
67. I like to watch and study people.
68. I love to sing.
69. I love all types of music.
70. I find nature and animals soothing.
71. I hate child, elder, domestic, or animal abuse.
72. I detest pedophiles.
73. I hate when people judge me despite not knowing what they would do in my situation.
74. I try my hardest not to judge people.
75. I am trying to show love, love, and more love.
76. I want to be an advocate for abused children and adults.
77. I love the show "The Big Bang Theory".
78. I love going to the zoo :)
79. I almost always am conflicted about what I am feeling inside.
80. I sometimes don't even know why I am feeling the way I am.
81. I self injure (SI) for many different reasons: to bring me back to reality (when I dissociate), so I can feel something (when I am feeling numb), and to punish myself because I feel I am a bad person who deserves the pain.
82. I may have had an eating disorder in Junior high and high school and am fearful I am relapsing.
83. I want to do anything I can to help someone else.
84. I will always listen if you need to talk and will give you my honest and caring opinion and advice or just listen and support if that is what you need.
85. I am a good friend, well, I try to be.
86. I am forcing myself to find something positive in even the grimmest of situations.
87. I am working on forgiveness of both others but mostly myself.
88. I am trying to love and accept myself... Not easy.
89. I have been betrayed in terrible ways and have been used.
90. I feel damaged and used and unworthy and nasty and dirty and disgusting and every other ill-feeling...
91. BUT, I find comfort in knowing I am made whole in God
92. I want to write a book about what has happened to me in life: both good and bad.
93. I find music and art healing to the soul.
94. I think snow is pretty.
95. My dog is a rat terrier and she is 13.5 years old.
96. I am on the computer, phone, or Kindle WAY too much.
97. I am a HUGE procrastinator.
98. I have a thing for oral and bodily hygiene.
99. I have to lock my car doors in sets of two's...Either I push the lock button twice or if I accidentally hit it three times I have to go up to four... It's my OCD... It affects my life in many ways...
100. I have many things I regret doing but probably wouldn't go back and change them because then I wouldn't be who I am or where I am at today...

 

[chant2012]

Will be adding more soon. I hope this was alright to post. I didn't know where else to post it. I wasn't sure which forum to put it in.

It helps me doing this and I hope helps others get to know me a bit.

It helps me get to know myself actually and see what the SA has done and who I am.
Blessings to you all.

 

[chant2012]

• 101. I have been r*ped multiple times and in different ways. More times than I am even sure of or care to think about.
• 102. I struggle with feelings of self-worth and value, often feeling worthless and self-loathing and deserving of pain and punishment.
• 103. I like to watch Betty White's Off Their Rockers.
• 104. I LOVE chocolate and sweets. WAY too much.
• 105. My mind likes to play tricks on me and I get VERY mixed up and conflicted.
• 106. I don't know what I would do without God, church, my T, or AS.
• 107. I advocate for child abuse of all kinds and for female/male r*pe and abuse survivors. I know what it feels like to be silenced. I want to help give a voice.
• 108. I hate when I feel invalidated. It hurts a lot.
• 109. My dad is STILL friends with one of my r*pists and when I told him how I felt betrayed by the fact that he is still friends with him he went so far as to say that he feels betrayed by me because of what happened... He said he just can't not be friends with him... I have to hear all the time how GREAT this guy is... Yeah... Right... Still, now I feel like a bad perosn because I am creating a chasm...
• 110. I sleep with a stuffed bear that my ex gave me. His name is Kevin. I also sleep with my baby blanket my grandma gave me. I don't care what people think about that. It helps me not feel so scared. It is my security blanket.

 

[poeticprincess88]

Thanks for posting this. We have a lot in common. I can relate to a lot of what you posted about yourself. It fits so well in my story and life as well.

 

[chant2012]

Hi there. Thanks for replying. I have found that many of us have similar experiences. At least in terms of abuse related issues and such. You are in my thoughts and prayers if ok with you. Here is a :hug: if ok as well! :)