2nd day in bed

[willhealeventually]

I am grateful this weekend is over. It felt endless. I appreciate the support i got from people.
For 2 days I lay motionless in pain. Today, I got up in the morning. Even though I am on med leave, I had to grade some papers to seniors who are leaving after next week. I could not bring myself to grade the papers. There was pain around my spine - almost burning, and anxiety. I don’t know if it has to do with the fact that my teaching contract did not get renewed.
The more I think about it, the more I dread going back to teaching next year (if I find another job). The environment is triggering and exhausting for me. Unfortunately I don’t have any recent credentials for a job in the private sector and I am aged. Stress is imminent no matter what. I hope I figure something out in 3 months - that’s all I have to find a replacement job.
I think I had such a tough weekend because the reality of my situation is sinking in. Plus all my neighbors were partying and my kid was gone to my ex’s family’s cookout, where my ex was drooling over his new gf. My little one came home and cried about how he misses the three ofvus hanging out together. It is sad for me too...

 

[Deanna]

That is hard. ( your little one wishing all three of you could be together) That won't go away anytime soon. Your emotions are right on time, though. All of them. I think you are putting an over-enfasis on age though. (Women's rights) You're good at what you do, but PTSD has changed that. This will take awhile to get use to.

 

[ladee]

The whole situation is sad and scary. Every time you mention the ex and his new gf, I think back to my divorce and so relate to the feelings you are having about this. Thank goodness my kids were in their late teens, not that it didn't affect them, it did but makes my heart hurt for your youngest son. Just a hard painful time for everyone.

Maybe losing your job was a blessing in disguise if it is that triggering and upsetting. Never know what door may open for you in the next three months.

Glad you were able to get out of bed today. Clapping and hooraying for you!! You are entitled to have some days that getting out of bed is not an option.

We are here for you. We will keep the light on for ya!!! Gentle hugs for all the pain. :hug:

 

[willhealeventually]

The whole situation is sad and scary. Every time you mention the ex and his new gf, I think back to my divorce and so relate to the feelings you are having about this. Thank goodness my kids were in their late teens, not that it didn't affect them, it did but makes my heart hurt for your youngest son. Just a hard painful time for everyone.

Maybe losing your job was a blessing in disguise if it is that triggering and upsetting. Never know what door may open for you in the next three months.

Glad you were able to get out of bed today. Clapping and hooraying for you!! You are entitled to have some days that getting out of bed is not an option.

We are here for you. We will keep the light on for ya!!! Gentle hugs for all the pain. :hug:

@ladee I am sorry you went through something similar. And thank you for your supportive messages. I am so grateful.

but makes my heart hurt for your youngest son.

@ladee it hurts me too to see him cry. Tonight, before bed, he said to me that he doesn’t feel that his father loves him anymore and just wants a completely new life with his gf. I tried to tell him that he is loved by both of us and he said - you don’t see him, he is always either talking to her or texting her when I am there.
I want him so much to feel loved. Like any mother.

 

[DharmaGirl]

I want him so much to feel loved. Like any mother.

I, too, went through this with my son. I would facilitate their relationship by reminding his father to call him, or take him places. My son eventually stopped going to his dad's because there was nothing for him to do. When he was 13, he was allowed to stay home while I was at work. Eventually, I gave up, and his father never called. When his dad threatened me physically if I didn't sign an affidavit saying he owed me no child support, he sent a copy to my then 20 year old son. Who would do that? Anyway, my son freaked, wanted to buy a gun, but instead we changed all the locks, built a gate for the carport so we could let our 2 mastiffs out there and put flood lights everywhere. I'm assuming my ex was the one who busted out the tail lights of the car and van.

It was painful for both of us. I wanted him to have a good relationship with his dad, but his dad is so selfish that no one else exists unless it serves him.

 

[ladee]

Like @DharmaGirl shared, you can try to talk with your ex and even tho we all feel he should KNOW he needs to pay attention to his sons, you can try to talk with him.

I did the same with my ex WHILE we were married. I knew it was futile to do it after the divorce. Just had to spend time with each son as they needed and time together when we could. Work on having a solid family unit without the ex as in some ways it wasn't very different.

We want to fix our kids. We are wounded and hurt and we certainly do not want our kids feeling abandoned and left out of the ex's new life. It is heartbreaking to watch what gets done to our kids. But it can also be a good motivator to learn more self-care, and a deeper level of honesty with our kids. Age appropriate of course.

And maybe doing family therapy with your boys would help you to not feel you have to work thru this by yourself. It all just hurts.

It was hard for my boys to finally see how selfish my ex was (and still is) but being a good parent is not about protecting them from hard truths. It's helping them navigate ya'll's new normal.

You are doing all the right things for the right reasons. Give yourself a break and act as if you believe in yourself, even if you don't right now. This is going to take a lot of time to heal. For all of you. Sorry, any of you are going thru this. Just no simple answers. :hug:

 

[DharmaGirl]

Yes, @ladee is right. I allowed my son to tell me what he needed to, without getting defensive or angry. It made us much closer. It is so hard to do, but worth it in the long run.