34 Year Old Who Had To Retire From Police Force Because Of PTSD

[Bobby]

I know everyone post their stories but I will shortly describe mine and hopefully get some feedback to anyone who is interested to hear. I am a 34 year old retired police officer, yes retired. I had a great career, was advancing, cutting edge in my field, presenting ideas to so many enitites. It was all taken away one night when a man who had two knives in his hands said he was going to kill me. He advanced and wouldn't stop, telling me to prepare to die. He just wouldnt stop. I shot him, one round to the chest. I tried to help him, but he died a short time later.

I tried going back, but I became so aggressive. The nightmares were unbearable. I gained 50 lbs!!! Someone who played a college sport and a workout freak. I see him everyday, I smell the air that night, I hear the noises that night. It is so hard...I have been seeing a psychologist for two years. It really sucks. Tonight, I was given a medal of bravery. For what? Defending myself...what for....sometimes I think it would have been easier to let him to do what he was going to do....it's just so hard...bobby

 

[Tiger Kitten]

Hi Bobby,

Welcome to the forum. I am sure you will find a lot of information and a lot of supportive people here. It is hard, but life really is worth it. It is possible to live a fulfilling life even with ptsd. It's not an easy road, but it's a road worth traveling.

Tiger

 

[Bobby]

thanks tiger...it has been a rough two years for my wife....we have been through a lot...my brother is still on the job and he has a problem with what i am going through...you never think it can happen to you...sometimes it seems so much easier just to sleep..if it weren't for my wife and my 7 yr old boy and 5 yr old girl....no way....thanks again tiger and i hope this is a good place to talk

 

[popeye]

Welcome to the forum bobby, I know my simple words cannot possibly erase the feelings you are having, but I will offer them anyway. I will forever be grateful to you and all of law enforcement, fire fighters and paramedics for helping me through my hour of need. Without quick responses by all of those people I would not be here today. If you need a friend to talk to during those lonely hours of the night there are always a few of us around.

 

[Tessa]

Hi Bobby,

I know now life feels like a nightmare however one step at a time and with support I hope it will improve. You have come to a safe and supportive place where we all have different experiences but we all suffer and that is enough to care.

Take care
Tessa

 

[Noone.]

Hey Bobby,
Well yes it would of been easier to let him do what he was going to do but we can't have that, so you did your job and now because of this you suffer.
I hope your able to find peace somewhere or maybe it will find you.
See Ya.

Fire.

 

[Bobby]

Thank you sir. I will be able to someday. My wife's dad is a fire chief, her brother a fireman, her uncle a fireman. There used to be a lot of back and forth during the holidays about how I stood in the wrong line at city hall.....we just lost a fireman in homewood illinois. he was on the job 7 weeks. flashover...horible

 

[Bobby]

thank you so much tessa...that does mean a lot...sometimes you just feel like you were not wired right...slowly, we will get there...so can i ask what does a rural nurse do?

 

[Bobby]

thank you so much...that does mean a lot...looks like i already got in trouble for my thread...i guess i am a rookie here and have to watch myself...it actually feels nice to have other people feeling the way you have...really nice.

 

[Chris1958]

Bobby- I think we both may have found the right site and Forum. I stumbled on this site tonight while looking for more info on Dissociation. For the first time in nearly ten years I don't feel alone, people here actually understand what I'm living. Thanks so much for your service; I'm a retired Corrections Lt. and have heard those words myself. I've often said and thought "I was just doing my job." The things we have done and seen had to be done, didn't they. I hope you are getting the help you deserve. I hope we can all help each other. An informed support system is key. Yes, we need to become walking experts on this but I've found there are times when I simply don't think right. Never give up!

 

[Tessa]

Hi Bobby,
Happy Easter. I tried to reply but computer problems again... Remote Area Nurses usually work in very isolated areas of Australia,often in Aboriginal communities. We deal with everything from birth to death ,accidents,health promotion,buriels emergencies etc. If you are interested you can read much more in my diary. We usually do not have a doctor on site.

Take care
Tessa

 

[Tessa]

Hi Bobby,

I have been thinking about your story. I worked with a great police officer and friend on my last community who had something similar. We had a guy who lived on an outstation and was lost to drugs .He used to come into the clinic with sores covered in bark and obviously not "with it".

One day he went crazy on the highway about 300 klm away and started shooting. My friend had to shot him after he shot the police officer standing beside him.He was a much loved officer with a wife and small children. Who knows how many other could have lost their lives if my friend had not shot the gunman ? I wish this police officer had been the attending officer when I was badly beaten up on an outstation and now have PTSD.

Congratulations on your medal !

Take care
Tessa