5 Things I'm Thinking Today


1.) I think I am no longer a priority in the lives of my family / friends. *(not talking about forum friends).
2.) I think the closest some of them can get to loving me is to feel sorry for me.
3.) I think I am going to need grief counseling.
4.) I think extended family saying they will 'be there as soon as they can' means they are not coming anyway soon.
5.) I think I need to return to doing ABC sheets and CPT.


1. My mom said some people are too sensitive for this world.
2. Is there anyone irl who can be trusted?
3. Seems to me people use, lie, destroy, where is the 'goodness' inherent in them?
4. How do people cope and deal with #3, and call it life?
@Junebug - those are really hard questions to answer, lots of people struggle with just the same thoughts - I hope some good feedback comes your way we can all share in


Thank you for the reminder @cherileisman . I suppose they are hard questions, but, I am thinking:

1. Though #1 is true, it can be a sign of not only personality, but the actual presence of mental illness, also sheer overwhelm, +.or exhaustion, and pain, physical also.
Sometimes we need to try to find a way to protect ourself; other times we are lucky if someone will help protect us when we can't.

2. Well , #2, I was shocked that I think there is. Well regular doubt or fear aside, all of much I thought seems not accurate, which leaves me ashamed, aware of selfishness, but also kind of- amazed? So was feedback I didn't ask for or expect.
I figure I am choosing not to question the 'goodness', and that sort of peacefulness brings unexpected comfort. That is a new/ rare feeling for me.
It occurred to me, it's up to me to let mistrust and fear go (or not). Not sure if the 'absence' of such thoughts- is trust? It feels nice to not feel fear, or an awful weight of shame.

To #3. Idk why people go off the rails. Not the 'safest' people to be around, though. Safer around them with safer people around me, though. Which is part of #4. ^
1. I realize before I get sick I really go downhill emotionally. And sound like my dad did when he was sick, when I didn't get it.
2. I was a bit kinder And realistic towards myself today, which of course brings some guilt or shame, but actually pretty thankful for it/ I need it. I know I need it.
3. Realize I was affected by having to read much medically specific and involved info that would have applied to my mom, and the moment(s) before her death.
4. Being faced with horrible stress at work, reminds and shows me my great fear comes too from my feelings of powerlessness and direct fear of the person/ people.
5. And possibly Late Sept/October is an anniversary month?, but don't know why exactly, minor thoughts on that.
(6.) Not excuses ^^ though, nor even explanations, though they're true. My own mistrust, my own thoughts / feelings of burdensomeness, + being run down. I would feel the same, had I been left to my own thoughts only, I believe. Surely didn't expect any other thought.
(7.) My pointsettia is growing HUGE and starting to bloom, and my Thanksgiving Cactus started to bloom today!! :) )

Hugs to all. :hug:
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I did it. I moved house all by myself.
There is still so much to do, but the major things are done.
This new house is so, so quiet. Dare I say peaceful?
I feel like I've fallen into another world. I've never known anywhere like it.
Someone yesterday asked me if it felt like home and I realised yes, it does. I'm not sure I've ever had that before.


1~ Had a spell of seeing through some of the cognitive distortions. Mainly the ones about me being a bad person blah blah blah lol. Was lovely
2 ~ Got in touch with someone from my past and apologised for something I've felt bad about for years and years. Felt so good :-)
3 ~ Hope I can push .myself outta my comfort zone more
4 ~ Maybe I better decide to do so
5 ~ I shall think about that now. ?


I am totally and utterly exhausted and cant find a way to let myself rest sufficiently
I seem to be taking a new further step with assertiveness that I didn't know was there to be taken until a week or so ago.
I am still avoiding even while part of me is stepping up and doing what I need to do - like being frozen and on fire simultaneously.
I never ever am out of paradoxical issues/feelings/modes it seems
I am simultaneously taking further steps believing in my instincts and seriously realising some of the extent of my PTSD paranoia.


I think a part of me left this earth when my sister passed away.
I think a part of my sister stays here and lives on inside my mind, my heart and my soul.
I think that some things, (such as love), surpass our understanding and are part of what we call 'the mysteries'.
I think I am finding a bit of inner peace and comfort in these mysteries.
I think I will sleep well tonight.


1. I've been caught up in a very bad dream for far too many years, letting and/or asking others to set my course in life, and believing the lies circling in my mind.
2. I do have the power to effect change in my life and I can heal. Life can get better.
3. I can let go of the past, mistakes I have made, and the pain others have caused me.
4. What I focus on grows and I can change that focus.


New questions about assertiveness and re exploring the potential downsides when it comes to some personalities.
Not sure I have the fight required and should consider the consequences of that.
fundamentally hovering over a place of nothingness.
need to step up my functionality and hope I have it in me.