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5 Things I'm Thinking Today

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1) Thinking what woulds about teenagers and birthdays is probably useless.
2) Minute / minute
3) More doodles, less waiting
4) Still angry at S. Like I am planning what assholes around me do to wreck her day. :rolleyes:
5) Should be with L. more. Laughing at my movie avoidance, and her ghost problems, alike.
6) (Ghosts and demons, I get. Just people that are so Check please, I out.)
 
1. My neck is bothering me.
2. I wonder if my neck and back pains are only this noticeable bc I’m paying attention to them - could I actually work and eventually forget about these pains?
3. I know I’m not a liar and I’m pretty tough, so if I’m still complaining something is wrong, it’s a valid concern. Ugh now I’m stressed and don’t want to think about this.
4. I have no idea what I’m going to say in therapy tomorrow. I should probably talk about this internal dialogue I’m having rn, but dannng thinking about this is so stressful and anxiety provoking.
5. Now my head hurts too
 
1) Waiting can bite me.
2) So can a: Ok, who else can tell me any news... and no one.
3) A twenty years long static (Different Goddamn Situation)
4) So back to: This is a little harmless boat, come on (happy not yet stabbing memories)
5) And: Nevermind that health nonsense, the rivers will be there another year
6) Joys, so I am three days, and two years, behind, respectively.
 
-I need to recalibrate my internal relationship/friendship response system
-I'm excited to see, golf and relate with my Uncle
-making my home perfect right now is not a priority with this pain
-thankful for people
-need to eat and shower before doing any more around here.
 
1. Fully acknowledging bad things happened when I did well even when was criticized for not being better, Double bind.
2. Shames function is to teach social compliance. Was shamed whenever had a voice or did anything well.
3. Bad things happened when I didnt do well but in all it was worse if did.
4. Conflict between external attitudes to me and home based ones. Cognitive dissonance.
5. Achievements were reinterpreted undermined used to humiliate. As was any sign (thought opinion taste preference emotion) of anything that wasn't the parents. Rage in response to that. The reward? Promise of it but none in action. Constant shift.
 
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1. reminding self emotions can help drive healthy action if utilized properly.
2. sometimes courage/assertiveness can bring us less safety not more.
3. The longer one doesn't set boundaries the bigger the walls tend to need to be and the more collateral impact they tend to have, And the more one tends to have to enforce them.
4. reality may not be comfortable but it is empowering compared to the alternative.
5. we don't need to play to conventions and expectations. We can do what we know is right regardless.
 
1) Okay, so that is Christmas half figured out.
2) :banghead: Did not need that reminder, that was gross years.
3) Salts
4) Shoulda text AG, and return these books
5) (So are we pretending with D. there was no history, or not? / November question I better leave for November, 2019.)
 
1. Don't it always seem to go that you don't know what ya got till it's gone.
2. My world got a whole lot smaller this past week.
3. I am happy that "I am all alone in the world" is just a stupid thought.
4. When the sun goes down, my heart sinks....I think darkness sucks.
5. I honestly don't think I am ever going to completely heal from losing my baby sister.
 
I am fat and ugly
I am being supported, all the doors re open, all I need to do is show up
I am not functioning
It's a beautiful autumn and here I am barely functioning, scurrying around like a rodent
I'd like to play scrabble or a board game, younger would like that
 
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