5 Things I'm Thinking Today

[ChildofGod]

I am so sorry, Deanna! I am truly sorry.
The Amazon (everything that goes with that)
Hoping for change
Kindness
Empathy
Everyone who is suffering right now

 

[Muttly]

1) Time to pull myself together?
2) Earlier I was thinking how my friends would never forgive me if I committed suicide over . Which then struck me as ridiculous. If I'm dead, what they think of me doesn't matter. Not that it's an option. I have the pets. And I guess the point of that thought the pain it would cause my friends. Babbling
3) Well now, keep this all light.... anyone ever have a saint bernard puppy lick their ear? It's rather slobbery. :P Not the most pleasant experience
4) a legitimate smile
5) ok, cut the list down to 1 phone call. Certainly we can manage 1
6) I know I have posts to reply to. everytime I try it's all swirl

 

[Teasel]

A moment of peace
Wanna get fitter again
Glad I've been able to eat healthier food
Grateful for some experiences recently of help / support / nourishing kinda connection
Been meaning to do something about getting out more, and being with others for a bloody long time now - go for it berlinda hey :hug:

 

[Ronin]

1) Where do I even find these pilots till that time
2) Least L is kinda timely. Month late, but hey.
3) 99 problems
4) :bawling: I want the time to watch the found chick flicks, goddamn
5) NVM, but three rants found, goodie.

 

[Muttly]

1) I want to be more present here again but still not much focus
2) it's annoying that I am sick, but think I'm improving already
3) I think I actually believe the car is fixed now.
4) day off, yay.
5) let's try not to slide off the rails

 

[Tinyflame]

1. Heard on tuesday great Boss is transferred, the rest are all as*holes, except for 2- who are Super-as*holes. Two of my co-workers are quitting if it's As*hole #1 moved to her spot. Lucky they can. Will find out tomorrow. I feel- nothing. To be sure.
2. Tired of bullsh*t.

 

[Tinyflame]

1. Realized after making a 9 month commitment that fell apart at very end (it always does), that it is not just bad luck, but what should I expect from a house of cards final card. Wish I hadn't worried about it/ psyched up to try to accomplish it.
2. Sure feel abandoned by God, and people. But, to be abandoned you have to matter, I suppose. Maybe hated is a better word, lol?
3. Whine and cheese.
4. Wish people were honest. They equate having ptsd and all that goes with it as stupid, too. All in the guise of protecting feelings. Does the opposite. That's where it's not right to say don't think for people. When the msg is clear, you're not.
5. Oh well, what does it matter. Venting silent words that no one wants to hear (not here, here we can say anything within reason). Understanding elsewhere? Give it up. What a loser lol.

 

[Ronin]

1) Ok, Ill try to make a thread about at least some of it if not better in 48h
2) Or if no comms in 24.

 

[Tinyflame]

1. I think I'll go back to doing what relies on no one but me. Which will make everyone happy. I give up on any idea of healing. And my privacy, in every way, is my own.

 

[Ronin]

Any chance it is just too soon to tell / exhaustion from a 9mo effort going badly talking, @Tinyflame?

Since that doesnt sound to me like you fail at life, nor relate wrong, or that it would be anything wrong with *you*.... just that life did not work out so well, this year... but others might.

So nah, not a loser.

 

[Tinyflame]

I'm sorry about your friend @Deanna . :(:hug:

Aw @Ronin , you are ever-sweet. :hug: It's ok, I forgot and broke the cardinal Rule I learned in AlAnon many years ago- Don't hope, which leads to expectation, which leads to disappointment, which can lead to resentment. I can tolerate a lot, but not hope.

It's funny, I often say and think, 'It doesn't matter', and it doesn't. But I mean I don't matter. And I don't. And I except that. I sincerely don't care anymore.

Carry on. Life to be lived, make changes, whatever. Note to self: work on memory. :rolleyes: ?

ETA, I should add, it was all my own fault, anyway. I live with such constant stress, fear and exhaustion, I pre-suppose everyone is used to doing so. Also, because my own stress and grief and fear are at an unbearable level, doesn't mean it matters to anyone else. Another Note To Self.

I have learned however, that like poverty surrounded by opulence, or families celebrating around those who don't have any, I have to manage or avoid what triggers me. I'm sorry it blind-sided me again, and I didn't see it coming or manage it better.

Hugs to you, xox. :hug:

PS, lucky, got a speedy-phone/vape-charger present! And a sweet chiropractor said we get lines in our face from the constant pain. Not sure why that makes me laugh, but it does! :laugh: I wouldn't sand-blast off the crows feet for nothing, though. ?

 

[Deanna]

1. Realized after making a 9 month commitment that fell apart at very end (it always does), that it is not just bad luck, but what should I expect from a house of cards final card. Wish I hadn't worried about it/ psyched up to try to accomplish it.
2. Sure feel abandoned by God, and people. But, to be abandoned you have to matter, I suppose. Maybe hated is a better word,

I'm so sorry. I've had those kind of romances when u know u are not right for each other. Hey, it lasted 9 months! Did he/she say you were no good? Ah well.. We are always here for u. :hug: you are special to us boneheads! :laugh:

( the memorial for my friend is tomorrow..and I'm going with her relative so in a way.. Family. Thanks for asking)