Childhood A Letter To My Inner Kid From My Adult Self

[WhisperingUnicorn]

Oh dear, @Justmehere .. what a beautiful "self-counseling" project. Thank you for sharing this letter!

I am going to print and share with my man. He has only just recently "discovered" his "little" and we've been working through how he can "get in touch" on purpose. But when he's stressed, feels overwhelmed (and there has been a lot of this lately), his more dominant sides won't let him access his more vulnerable, less assertive sides.

But we DO know that one aspect of his "inner child" has been a very deep grief that he broke things off with his mom so aggressively years ago, and we have taken many steps lately in our endeavors, to foster forgiveness and even (to the degree it's possible) some reconciliation which is bringing him MUCH more peace. "Little" might not speak to it or surface in a way that I can "hear" him, but maybe we will try a letter of our own - or I'll encourage him at least to try this idea.

I had suggested something similar -- early on (in our discovery of "Little's" voice) I'd suggested he write (for himself only) a letter of "apology" to his mom to speak to this grief within him, and it has led to him visiting with her face to face for the first time in 20 years, a visit which included him introducing me as the woman he is going to marry, and even suggesting we might try to tailor her wedding dress to fit me (a beautiful sentiment).

Thank you again .. I don't know what else to say just yet, but *hugs* if you'll accept them. ;)

:inlove:

~S2B

 

[BassBuster]

I feel like this is cheesy, stupid, and really weird, but at this point, I'll take what safe and non-...

Wow I couldn't get past the fist sentence to that letter with out crying. I have been told to do this also but have yet to be able to do it. Its not cheesy if it works. Maybe one day I will be able to do something like this. Be proud of your progress no matter how small it may seem its progress. I am proud of you for doing the letter and even more for sharing with all of us.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Your letter was so beautiful and inspiring JMH. Not cheesy nor weird and you have brought up a great thread and appeared to have inspired many.

I personally am not ready to write a letter to my inner child as so much other stuff is beginning to surface right now, but i so appreciated you leading by example and I think posting it here was a really brave and couragous thing to do for yourself.

 

[RavenGirl]

Thank you so much for sharing this! :) Not cheesy at all. This definitely looks like something I'd like to try and that would be beneficial to my healing. I remember always hating my name and wishing I could change it. .. Well it wasn't my name that was bad, it's the memories from my childhood attached to it. So if my "little" can let go off some of the hurt and anger maybe I can be ok with who I am in name again. :hug:

 

[Bloomy]

<3

 

[Lee2001]

Wow.. Thank you for sharing! I will try this in the future.

 

[HaveFaith]

I was just reading this post .. it's incredible. My own inner child felt it ... what struck me the most was the honesty ..

I don’t really know if it will get better or not. I hope it does.

I can’t promise that anyone else will stay, but I can promise that I will work so hard to stay with you,

I use to comfort my inner self envisioning in my mind our conversation or talking about loud when I felt overwhelmed. I would hold myself tight and talk to her but I would make promises that I would always protect her...I would say ALWAYS with such conviction .. but when things turned sour and I ended up falling apart .. I would distrust myself again ..

Your choice of words made me think I should be more upfront like you did, gentle yet realistic for a lack of words. Thanks for sharing this, you are very bold! I'm def going to try this exercise often even when I don't feel overwhelmed, maybe as someone said above help reintegrate the ego states.. Hope you are having better days :)

 

[Sadtriedandtrue]

I feel like this is cheesy, stupid, and really weird, but at this point, I'll take what safe and non-...

Wow you did awesome. Thanks for sharing. I would like to try this too.

 

[Sadtriedandtrue]

I feel like this is cheesy, stupid, and really weird, but at this point, I'll take what safe and non-...

A letter to my inner kid from my adult self as well, I tried. Here it is.

Dear Little Child of God so badly beaten,

I am writing to you as my adult self but truly I feel more like a warrior or a protector over you as much as possible at times when I am able.

We are still so similar, you got the beatings but I carry the scars.

I am not fully able to make sense of it because of some very serious injuries that got worse in time but were dated back to when you were small after an adulthood hospitalization that showed injuries going to the brain stem from sustained trauma.

That's when we both found out how serious the abuse was and though they couldn't operate because of a double stroke threat and suggested we go directly to Mayo or there would be possible death you know the money wasn't there but I did ask our last surviving parent or grandparent who was the abuser and got an f you and we were left to die.

The half sister cried not to sue over childhood injuries or it would mess up her inheritance yes she had tears not over our death sentence fate by 3 neurologists but cried over possible money she would lose and then she walked away. We haven't seen her since it has been 5 years or so.

We had tough days kid trying to walk and banging to the right, we had tears, struggles, seizures, nightmares and almost a year of not being able to read left to right or fill out a simple form. We had stuttering and seeing the actual shadow of death.

We had a Dr. that said our help would eventually come from Jehovah God and it did. We walked with the Miami j collar a stupid cane and fell every 100 feet not quite like the running we used to do when we were both small.

So many memories you and I. I know it is hard for you to make sense of all the evil and hurt inflicted upon you. We only lived in the hell a little over 10 years after grandma's but the pain is still so real and the injuries prove that we were there and by the grace of God survived.

I remember years ago watching Mommie dearest and as horrible as it was it paled in comparison to the abuse we knew as an almost daily sickening explosion of a drunk, hate fueled expression of the meaning of Mommie psycho evil ruler of suburbia.

If I could wipe away the pain and undo the affects of your abuse I would give my last breath to do so. One thing I can tell you tough is Hod has kept each of your tears in His skin bottle. He will one day make you whole physically and emotionally. The pain you felt is nothing in comparison to the joy that is coming.

As for me little one I am finally finding my own voice after so much silence. I have started with pointing out everything I don't like but now I am
praying and voicing out things I want in my life not just the things I don't want.

If I could reach down and hug you so deeply I would and if I was a time traveling angel I would make it my mission to fly to you and carry you back to grandma and grandpa's for good before the abuse started within days of moving in with Dad and step Mom.

I want to tell you that I just found out after all these years that not everyone from Holland is bad or evil. I know it is hard to believe but I saw a video about ship merchant witnesses from Holland that would meet the ships coming into the harbor. I know it was scary to even first look at the visual of the program once I heard the frightening accent but like the small Hebrew girl in either Kings or numbers in the bible I felt brave and watched and they were good people I think but I couldn't really focus too much attention because as you would be I was a little scared too.

I want you to know you were the cutest, sweetest child with kind manners and a very spiritual nature. I know it was hard living in Heaven on earth with grandpa and grandma to moving into hell in Vernon Connecticut.

While I can't take away our horrible memories or fully function I can try to protect us both as much as possible though financially we are vulnerable in society living in such a small check which seems to put us at greater risk but somehow Hod has gotten us this far so I keep the same childlike faith and hope as you did when you were kicked in the stomach and head and just sat there crying and praying and spelling out the letters in your head one by one the spelled the word future.

Hope to talk to you again and see you when we are out playing in the fresh air or listening to church together.

With Love Always,
Your warrior angel, protector, adult self.

 

[orangeweezel]

Your letter really touched me. Brought tears to my eyes. The little kid inside me felt desperate to continue once I started reading. Thank you for the vulnerability and bravery to share this on here.

 

[Freedomfighter]

I feel like this is cheesy, stupid, and really weird, but at this point, I'll take what safe and non-...

That is actually a good idea, because many of us have to really work hard on childhood memories that we could not understand at that time and we need to figure out how to heal ourselves, after the fact that many of us were abused in ways as kids that we were not aware of.

It is also very easy to distinguish between people who are lying about such incidents and people who truly went through such abuse. The ones that are lying about it I do never answer to, because the way they explain the abuse, especially when they attempt to link a 4 or 5 year old to sexual abuse while explaining that the child had sexual reactions, well those people easily identify themselves as dangerous pedophiles.

A child of that age simply wants to be nurtured, nothing else, and if I have to listen to anyone else who attempts to link anything sexual to a 4 or 5 year old I am going to puke.

I saw a sicko like that at one of my workplaces: it was a nursing mother, who loudly attempted to link the nursing action with sexual satisfaction of her little child. I had never ever witnessed anything as sick and disturbing like that before. It is so disgusting it makes me sick to my stomach.

What you did was very effective and that way you can nurture your inner child by yourself while at the same time figuring out how to heal yourself. I think that is an intelligent choice. Obviously you have many things from your childhood that were never resolved. Kudos to you for braving your childhood memories in order to help yourself. You are doing the right thing.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

When I was in the hospital the therapist asked me if I could say something to that child (who was abused) what would it be. I do better with writing things in song form, so I wrong what I though my inner child needed. I even wrong something towards my abusers.

I have learned that part of healing is integrating the inner child of my self who is living in trauma time (emotional mind), and the present time (rational mind) where I am safer and are better able to protect myself.

I wish you luck in this process, this is a lot of work, but in the end worth it.