Sufferer here. - Okay, first off,
@PartTimeWarriorLover:
It does not matter where the PTSD stems from. It's not "Boohoo, my PTSD is worse than yours, because I was a (combat) vet, / because I was raped / because I was tortured / because my ex tried to kill me / because a landslide killed my whole family / because my mother strangled me with her bare hands and punched me hundreds of times until I passed out / because I had to watch my beloved pet burn before my eyes, after they poured gasoline over it and lit it up, just for fun / because I lived in a country where the different tribes hate each other for generations, and someone grabbed my baby by its legs, and smashed it so many times against a tree, until its head burst like a melon!".
The causes that led to someone's PTSD can be manifold, but PTSD is PTSD! It's important, that you get that now!
Many people with PTSD, downright hate surprises. There's no such thing as a "good" surprise for me - Oh man, I truly loved surprises
before the onset of PTSD. But now? "Wanna surprise me?... Okay, then F*ck the hell off!" I hate surprise gifts, surprise phone calls, surprise visits, surprise vacations! A surprises is no longer something I enjoy, but something that I dread, something that completely overwhelms me, as I cannot handle it anymore. A surprise now means
a lot of f*cking stress for me, to the point where I will experience a stress induced panic attack, or worse: a rage fit! And people whom I share a loving
and respectful friendship with, won't do that to me.
An example: A friend of 20 years tries since more than a year to get me to meet her. But that's not possible for me, in my current state of mind. (I have become so agoraphobic, that I can't leave my flat spontaneously anymore. I sometimes can't even step out onto our balcony. Because I fear the people when I'm outside my "castle". The last time I ate out in a restaurant is 6 years ago. it's pure hell for me! All the noises, the smells, the visual impressions are also very, very hard to handle now. And many things more.) - So she tried to invite me, and offered to let me choose when and where we would meet. She's someone who thinks, that no one has the right to refuse an invitation / gift. And that's no assumption, but fact, for she once told me this very clear, that this is a
tactic she uses to try to "encourage" people to do what she thinks is best for them...
So I wrote her. I thanked her for the beautiful birthday card, but also explained briefly once and for all, why we can't and won't meet in near future. And what happened is, that she got super mad at me, as her (manipulative) "invitation" didn't work out the way she thought it would. Although she "knows" since 10 years, that I have PTSD, and "knows" what led to it and which kind of symptoms I'm fighting now, she doesn't get it...
Yep: To know and to understand something = Two completely different pair of shoes... She even tried to blackmail me, by telling me, that "I might loose her friendship, if I don't want to meet her". And so, after 10 years of explaining it in every possible way to her, it was time to end this friendship. And I did. By mail. Sharp, short and to the point.
because his reaction was SOOO different than what most people think when you tell them you have a surprise for them.
Just a bit of advice though.
Um... And now, where lies the humor?... The only thing I see in your threads, is that you repeatedly alternate between idolizing your combat vet (as well as overly glorifying combat vets in general) and making "a bit of fun of him", because you don't really understand what PTSD is and what it does to the people who have it. So I kindly suggest, that you might want to spare your advice for now.
Never been within a 100 miles of a war.
So what?... It's simply a fact that the PTSD of a civilian is as real, as painful and as life altering as the PTSD of a combat vet! My goodness, People really! Please, stop feeling ashamed, because you're "not even combat vets". What an unrealistic, unhealthy and unhelpful way to look at your own circumstances!
