Sufferer A Little Over A Month In

[Ti Vu]

I don't know if this thread belongs here, but hello everyone, my name is Ti. I'm 20 years old. After only a few sessions with two different psychologists so far, my school's Mental Health Counselor and a regular... "outside" one, they both concluded that I'm suffering from "a trauma". PTSD and some sort of grief, they tell me.

Long story short, I saw some horrible things back in late April and haven't been the same since then. I've hardly been eating and sleeping. I wake up crying and scared every day- my heart racing. The slightest noises freak me out, I find everything outside dangerous, but I don't feel safe in my home either.

I tried to keep myself busy by writing about it, exercising, skateboarding, reading- doing things I normally would and I thought I was getting better, I wanted to get better, but then the one month anniversary came around and I feel worse than ever. I just want to curl up into a ball and disappear. Nothing like this has ever happened to me. I know this is just the beginning too. I don't know what to do anymore. I just feel so lost, alone, and stuck.

So thank you to anyone who took the time to read about my insignificant problem.

 

[NewDayTomorrow]

"Insignificant"? Who says your problems are any less significant than anyone else's? I think a lot of people here can relate, even when they are years into this process. I happen to be in a similar mood and I was thinking to write about my own problems, but sometimes I like to be distracted by the other posts on here. By the way, I am 22. Something happened to me when I was little, and something else not as bad when I was 14, and something pretty bad 1.5 years ago. That last thing marks when I "haven't been the same since."

You do not need to know what to do, to be able to get better. You can make things up as you go, and figure out what works for you with some practice. I think the most important things to accept, are that you will have good days and bad days, you are a fundamentally changed person, and rather than try to go back to the way you were, your best bet is to learn about yourself and get used to your new experience of reality. I felt like I lost my old personality, and it felt like I was getting to know myself when I had suddenly become a very different person. I had to learn how to keep up my average happiness level, and interact with people in a positive way, and find a therapist to help me with the things I don't feel comfortable or justified to share with the important people in my life. Generally, it will take at least a month to process even a non-PTSD triggering trauma, so try not to feel like you are abnormal or something. There are always helpful people here and we all have a hard time sometimes, even with just living day to day.

Please come back here as often as needed. When I am in a better mood, I will be curious to see how you are doing. Also, this takes time and I don't want to bombard you with detailed advice. But most likely, anything you ask for help or sympathy about, many people here will understand or perhaps if you are lucky, someone will have a good answer for you. Focus on working with your counselors for now, and use what you learn there to sort of find new leads to work on. Try to go with the flow, and don't worry if it is hard to enjoy life or connect with people for a while. You can learn how to do those things again.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Welcome to the forum. :)

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Welcome to the forum.

When I first started therapy so many years ago, I literally felt as if someone grabbed me by the ankles and shook every part of me out and there was nothing left so I can relate to your experience. I foolishly thought three months of therapy and I will be on my merry way. The first year was the hardest for me and I am so happy that I have learned and grown so much as I continued to work on myself.

People here understand and are very supportive. I wish I had this forum when I first started therapy. It would have spared me so much needless vicitimizations etc.

This is a really good place to get help and support and I am so glad you found us.

 

[Suzetig]

Welcome, it sounds like you've had a tough time of it. I'd echo @JBS, it's really worth taking time to accept that your trauma has changed you. Just now it may feel that it's taken all the good bits of you and left an empty shell, but that's not how it needs to be forever. A good trauma therapist can help you figure out how to work through what's happened and see where your experience has strengthened you - it's not easy, in fact it feels awful at points but after a long time struggling, I am starting to see that it'll be worth it. I hope you can get to that place too.

 

[Ti Vu]

Wow, thank you guys so much for replying, sharing your experiences and welcoming me. :) Not to draw things out, but it was just so scary and downright devastating at first to hear my psychologists tell me that I would never be the same person again. Still kinda coming to terms with that. But thank you guys so so much and Bless you all. :)

 

[intothelight]

Hi @Ti Vu

Welcome to the forum!

An initial diagnosis can be bit overwhelming, so take your time as this site is a great place to learn about PTSD.

it was just so scary and downright devastating at first to hear my psychologists tell me that I would never be the same person again.

Don't be afraid to ask your psychologist exactly what they meant by that. Life changes everyone and honestly, I don't think I have ever met anyone who is the exactly the same after a period of time. Trauma does change a person and part of the change can be PTSD, but that doesn't mean that what is happening now is something you are stuck with. PTSD is something we have and not who we are. There are a variety of treatments that can help you learn to control the symptoms and even eliminate many of them.

I hope you find the information and support here helpful as you work on healing.

Debbie

 

[Ti Vu]

Hello, @intothelight. :) Thank you for the warm welcome. Yeah, they saw that that comment upset me pretty badly. They said that my whole perception of the world was rattled and changed dramatically. That it would take some time and effort to process. I find this forum amazingly helpful in doing that. :)