littlelostchild
Platinum Member
So this probably won't seem like too much, but for me it was a bit of a deal. Whenever my mother has gotten me alone during the pat couple of visits, she will say something upsetting to me. I avoid visiting her and even phoning because I have been suicidal quite often and just don't have the reserve to deal with her negativity. (The complexity of my childhood has been an important part of my therapy) Before Christmas, I hadn't seen her in 6 months and had only spoken over the phone maybe once a month. Thankfully I live almost 2 hours away.
After our Christmas visit she and my sister's family were impacted by the big ice storm and they lost power. I phoned on the first and second days of the outage to see how things were. On the second day after my call, she called me back for advice to see if she should go with my sister to stay with her in-laws who had power, and I said she should because my sister was how she was getting warm food, etc. (They were going out and getting warm drinks and food from open restaurants). They all spent 2 nights at the in-laws - I had tried to call my sister's cell twice, but wasn't able to get through and left a message. Knowing mother was with my sister, I only left one message on mother's machine.
When I was finally able to get through to my mother when she got home, she sounded really angry at me. She was very short with her answers and condescending. I had her on speaker phone and my husband agreed that she sounded unhappy. When I suggested that she was mad at me, he said that there was no reason for her to be, but there was one way to find out for sure - ask. Yike, I wouldn't normally do that - she would be mad at me for anything (speak with angry tone, bang things, etc.) and I would try to solve or pacify the situation. I was feeling upset, but confused, so I called her back ad asked if she was mad at me. She said that she was 'concerned because it seemed like I didn't care if they froze in the dark'. I was surprised - I reminded her that I had called and knew that they were safe at the in-laws. Then she turned it into how I never talk to her during the past 6 months.
I listened as she told me about how she felt about me not having much contact during the past 6 months, then I thanked her for her honesty and told her to have a nice day and ended the conversation.
I asked if she was mad at me and then I defended myself against unfounded accusations. Now, I did feel guilty, sad, and angry for about 24 hours, then I began to settle in the next 24 hours and could begin to talk with my husband about it. So I was able to begin processing the experience.
I find the accusation ironic because she actually did leave her mother knowing that she was sick. Mother went on vacation and didn't tell anyone about grandmother not being well. By the time we discovered that she was ill, she had to be hospitalized and died. Mother did not bother to come home for the funeral which I had to arrange.
After our Christmas visit she and my sister's family were impacted by the big ice storm and they lost power. I phoned on the first and second days of the outage to see how things were. On the second day after my call, she called me back for advice to see if she should go with my sister to stay with her in-laws who had power, and I said she should because my sister was how she was getting warm food, etc. (They were going out and getting warm drinks and food from open restaurants). They all spent 2 nights at the in-laws - I had tried to call my sister's cell twice, but wasn't able to get through and left a message. Knowing mother was with my sister, I only left one message on mother's machine.
When I was finally able to get through to my mother when she got home, she sounded really angry at me. She was very short with her answers and condescending. I had her on speaker phone and my husband agreed that she sounded unhappy. When I suggested that she was mad at me, he said that there was no reason for her to be, but there was one way to find out for sure - ask. Yike, I wouldn't normally do that - she would be mad at me for anything (speak with angry tone, bang things, etc.) and I would try to solve or pacify the situation. I was feeling upset, but confused, so I called her back ad asked if she was mad at me. She said that she was 'concerned because it seemed like I didn't care if they froze in the dark'. I was surprised - I reminded her that I had called and knew that they were safe at the in-laws. Then she turned it into how I never talk to her during the past 6 months.
I listened as she told me about how she felt about me not having much contact during the past 6 months, then I thanked her for her honesty and told her to have a nice day and ended the conversation.
I asked if she was mad at me and then I defended myself against unfounded accusations. Now, I did feel guilty, sad, and angry for about 24 hours, then I began to settle in the next 24 hours and could begin to talk with my husband about it. So I was able to begin processing the experience.
I find the accusation ironic because she actually did leave her mother knowing that she was sick. Mother went on vacation and didn't tell anyone about grandmother not being well. By the time we discovered that she was ill, she had to be hospitalized and died. Mother did not bother to come home for the funeral which I had to arrange.
