ms spock
VIP Member
Well I didn't lose my temper or lash out today and I am very pleased with myself.
I didn't go into suicidal ideation or massive self doubt either. I would catapult into abandonment stuff - but I didn't go there.
My partner invited people over without asking me. So I made the point that I would like to be consulted. I was assertive.
So my partner said to me it doesn't matter because you won't be seeing them, and I said well that is not the point I would like to have been asked. Then he said well they will be coming over a lot in the new few months because they are working on a project together. So he has made all these arrangements without consulting me.
I kept asserting that actually I wasn't worried about these people being here - that if he had asked me I would have said yes anyway as I think it is good for him to make new friends and to be working so hard to do such a high calibre work on their project - but the point was I would have like to have been consulted. And I said to him afterwards that telling me even more arrangements he had made without consulting me was probably not a good move as fiances can get more upset. I don't think he gets it really, but I said my bit and that was good.
And there was no drama - it was just a conversation we had whilst we were going shopping.
So considering where I came from in terms of high reactivity, lashing out and huge over reactions that is certainly a milestone for me.
And I let him off the hook by saying I would have said yes anyway and that it is fine for them to be here today. Before I would have been punishing and withholding. But nope I just let it go and was kind to him as well.
I did say that he has been a bachelor all his life and he really hasn't adjusted to having a partner - just as an observation - and he made a joke and we both laughed. He is very witty at times.
I didn't go into suicidal ideation or massive self doubt either. I would catapult into abandonment stuff - but I didn't go there.
My partner invited people over without asking me. So I made the point that I would like to be consulted. I was assertive.
So my partner said to me it doesn't matter because you won't be seeing them, and I said well that is not the point I would like to have been asked. Then he said well they will be coming over a lot in the new few months because they are working on a project together. So he has made all these arrangements without consulting me.
I kept asserting that actually I wasn't worried about these people being here - that if he had asked me I would have said yes anyway as I think it is good for him to make new friends and to be working so hard to do such a high calibre work on their project - but the point was I would have like to have been consulted. And I said to him afterwards that telling me even more arrangements he had made without consulting me was probably not a good move as fiances can get more upset. I don't think he gets it really, but I said my bit and that was good.
And there was no drama - it was just a conversation we had whilst we were going shopping.
So considering where I came from in terms of high reactivity, lashing out and huge over reactions that is certainly a milestone for me.
And I let him off the hook by saying I would have said yes anyway and that it is fine for them to be here today. Before I would have been punishing and withholding. But nope I just let it go and was kind to him as well.
I did say that he has been a bachelor all his life and he really hasn't adjusted to having a partner - just as an observation - and he made a joke and we both laughed. He is very witty at times.
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