A Perk To Ptsd?

[PlainJane]

Help me out please. I'm not really sure about anything. I hate posting, it makes me feel self conscious. So here it goes...

We all know all of the awful things we have to endure throughout our lives with PTSD. The anxiety, panic attacks we swear are going to kill us. The deep hole of depression we're never going to crawl out of. The branded memories in our dreams and bodies. That's putting it lightly, there's an endless list of symptoms we can delve into. However I realized today that I am incredibly grateful that I am not shallow and superficial. At least I think am. It scares me to think that there is something good that can come out of this dark and endless disease. Am I crazy to have this thought or do any of you feel this way? Can you credit any personality trait or attribute to, dare I say it, PTSD? Maybe I should say life experiences?

All views are appreciated.

 

[Samantha_38]

Honestly, I feel I have much of my current life due to what I've gone through. There's a reason I can attend doctorate school full time, have 2 young children, and work 2-3 part-time jobs. Some of it is the fact that I can't let myself slow down. When things slow down my symptoms get worse. And although I know what I'm doing right now isn't helping me at all process and grow with the PTSD, it's working for now. But when I think about it, this is NOT crazy. Not compared to what I grew up with. Not compared to sleeping in playground slides, stealing food, and avoiding one abuser by running to another. I know there are many things I don't do well in my life, but I think I do well juggling things because things in my life have always been jumbled.

I also agree with you. I see people who are SO shallow, so naive'...they have NO idea what goes on around them or even what they themselves cause in other people. They walk around thinking the worst that could happen really is when your $600 phone screen cracks and your dad won't buy you a new one (these are 20-30 year olds mind you). Parent who let their children walk all over them and are literally turning their kids into these "entitled" adults. So many people don't know what real struggle and work are.

In general we all handle this differently. You are right that there are some who may take offense to this post, but I know where you're coming from. We all respond differently to this. It's not to say that anyone wants PTSD, or that it will ever be a "good" thing for anyone. I think the ability to pull one even semi-positive thing out of all this suffering is only going to help you.

 

[Teasel]

I think i'm so terrified of people, the slightest thing can set me off on an emotional flashback - that I do everything possible to make people feel ok - they say you treat others as you would like to be treated...

 

[PlainJane]

@Samantha_38 That's when I get into trouble too, when I slow down. It's so hard to be expected to associate with these people who take what they have for granted. My employer, that I really do appreciate in the long run, gets me irritated at times. She is also a friend. She is 65 and never suffered from abuse or any kind of neglect or has anybody in her family that has a mental illness, she has told me so. Not to say she hasn't suffered in her life, she has, but she has had no reason to have empathy for people like us. Not really. It causes limitations in our friendship. But I'm also glad to know that maybe someday I can use my experiences and pain to help someone. You're right I almost take what I'm saying offensively. It's so comicated and knotted in my head.

It's not to say that anyone wants PTSD, or that it will ever be a "good" thing for anyone. I think the ability to pull one even semi-positive thing out of all this suffering is only going to help you.

That's a good way of putting it.

@Berlinda that's true, I attempt the same. I always treat others way better than I treat myself though. I need to work on kindness to myself. But I definitely put others first out of fear amongst other things.

 

[joeylittle]

There is a concept in psychology called resilience. The capacity to adapt, to recover, and ultimately come back from something that could be considered a psychological catastrophe (like a PTSD-inducing trauma).

People living with difficult conditions develop stronger resilience - and that includes difficult medical conditions. The stronger your resilience, the better your ability to adapt to your ever-changing circumstances caused by a diagnosis. And that process of adapting usually engages the individual in deeper connections to themselves, their community, their concept of inner strength. This then can lead to a deeper sense of satisfaction in areas of their lives.

Not saying catastrophe makes you happy. Just that survival changes people (we all know that), and some develop resilience and go through changes that contribute meaningfully to their life overall.

This link has some great stuff on the subject:
http://www.pbs.org/thisemotionallife/topic/resilience

 

[Tinyflame]

I don't think I've developed resilience, but I have developed something else.. I'm just not sure what? :confused: @joeylittle touched on something with the 'satisfaction' word.

It's really strange, the smaller things are more difficult to deal with, the larger I can roll with better sometimes than the small. I'd rather people didn't suffer with what I have, so I guess I try to prevent or alleviate their's because I know how it feels.

Idk, had a very strange thing very late tonight, apparently someone tracked me down from 30 years ago to try to return (of all things) artwork of mine the school (then) had used, they had the right person but I'm trying to deny it without lying, since they knew details of when I fell apart (then, hospitalized, physical trouble from a suicide attempt, & self harm, though no one knew about either, I'm embarrassed to admit even here now). I find it un-nerving, to say the least. But then I thought, that really is the past, I've thrown out most reminders of my past & I hope they ditch the paintings- I'm hardly Michelangelo, :p , I couldn't care less.

So the ptsd, oddly both caused much of the shame & embarrassment but also now makes me inclined to want to let it go, I would rather have the 'present' than past, & the future is too scary & unknown. But I've heard to keep it simple- get rid of doubts, try not to worry about how to accomplish what seems impossible, & rest with peace in the times I (we) can. So the ptsd has brought that around, if not giving credit to it but rather to the requirements to deal with it & the gift of help to do so. (And good timing, because normally this would make me melt down or want to crawl out of my skin). Although, with everything else going on I'll have to take steps to not go on thin ice emotionally & physically.

I'm not sure if I would label anyone without it shallow, they just have often very different priorities, less experience in some areas (or less realization of some things), & perhaps view life or people differently. It makes me less likely to be shocked by the big things & more likely to understand the value & necessity of practical needs/ help.

I think I live more vulnerably than most people do, not entirely out of choice but because of where the ptsd brought me, but I don't know, it's kind of easier to be able to just be straight up (or so people tell me). I fail to see it as the 'gift' they say they do, but it is just 'me' & likely influenced by experiences & trauma.

 

[Teasel]

Hi @joeylittle That all sounds like stuff I wish were true for me - but then looking at your link, it mentions

"People who are resilient draw on strengths in themselves, their relationships, and their communities to help them overcome adversity."

And I've never had much in the way of positive relationships or belonging to a community and so for me it feels more like I've become very resilient to an awful isolated way of life.

Everything that I've read that rang true to me regarding ptsd, suggests that healing occurs in healing relationships....

"Judith L Herman beleives that recovery from C-PTSD occurs in three stages. These are: establishing safety, remembrance and mourning for what was lost, and reconnecting with community and more broadly, society. Herman believes recovery can only occur within a healing relationship and only if the survivor is empowered by that relationship."

So I would think that people who have a good relationship, and a community are far more able to recover -

I think I agree with @Junebug that those who haven't experienced this sort of thing are defo not more shallow - perhaps even the opposite, they're far more rounded peronalities than I have ever been but maybe yes they don't understand trauma - I don't know I don't think anyone understands what they haven't experienced.

I remember when I was young I alwyas used to want to understand everything, cause it seemed like understanding stuff was the most comfort I ever experienced in this world.

Until I thought about trying to understand pedophiles, then somehow it came to me that we only understand what we've experienced, and I decided I had zero interest in understanding them.

 

[Tinyflame]

I think that's ok @Berlinda , in so far as we should try to understand what we can, but realize what we can't.

I don't know, perhaps others without ptsd are more well-rounded. I envy the carefree attitude they can take sometimes. But in another way I can be more spontaneous sometimes than they, simply because I know the impermanence of life at any given moment. But it's a sad kind of happiness. If I had a choice I'd rather be clueless.

Relationships are hard because the cornerstone is trust, & that is fragile.

 

[WildMermaid]

I think we also tend to learn empathy earlier and adaptability in more than just life and death situations.

 

[Teasel]

Yes..

Occasionally, I have been able to offer compassion and empathy to people who most consider to be annoying / just bringing it on themselves.

I am grateful for that, it means a lot to me, it's a high price that enabled me to do it

I do so envy the ease that other - I want to say 'neurotypicals' though I know that's not the right word - can feel, seemingly often.

 

[The Albatross]

"People who are resilient draw on strengths in themselves, their relationships, and their communities to help them overcome adversity."

Resilience can be learned. I think I would pause to consider when you say, "...I've never had much in the way of positive relationships or belonging to a community and so for me it feels more like I've become very resilient to an awful isolated way of life." Never having it, does not mean it has to stay the way it is, it is an opportunity to change, and acquire more generally beneficial proclivities than living in isolation.

The forum is a community and it is not necessarily true that dissociative disorders do not improve in isolation I had relationships with groups and peers on line for a fairly long time before I came out of isolation physically.

 

[PlainJane]

and some develop resilience and go through changes that contribute meaningfully to their life overall.

I so hope I get there. I know exactly what you mean though. That link was awesome too, thanks. I didn't "withstand" anything, I think I epically failed on that one. Maybe in the future resilience will be a reality.

@Junebug and @Berlinda Shallow may have been the wrong word to use for the group as a whole. I do wonder what the meaning of life is to some people who haven't been shoved by their circumstances. They've never been forced to look at their priorities and what should important to them. When a cell phone cracking is a tragedy as @Samantha_38 said. They definately have their emotions together and generally more balanced in view. That's also because they didn't have to use some of them as of yet, and I hope they don't have to. You get what I'm saying, I hope.

@WildMermaid learning empathy and adaptability before a crisis is important. It takes you to a whole new level when you understand what the person is going through because you've been there. You can offer the kind of support that they need because you know the feelings and thoughts. In general though it would be nice if we learned kindness and mercy before the fact.