A Question About Anger And Anxiety

[Barberian]

To be honest I don't like either, but I'm more used to being anxious. Being anxious is my default mode, I'm always anxious. Anger is a temporary state usually. I can stay angry for most of a day, but sooner or later something comes up and I let it go. The whole time I'm angry, I'm also anxious.

I agree, anxiety physically hurts, it's source is almost never clear, it just exists. I have a hard time not copying Movin'On's post.

With a full blown panic/anxiety attack I equate to being in a rage. I don't have control of either, but the rage I don't feel like a victim. I'm doing everything in my power not to make those around me from becoming MY victim.

Anxiety I equate to being angry. The source of anxiety is almost never identifieable. If I'm angry, I can trace it's immediate source, but may be oblivious of it's deep rooted cause - (something I haven't come to terms with from years ago).

Nervous I equate to just being upset or miffed about something. A dog barking in next door, or a car driving by with it's bass so loud it shakes the house (which also feeds my anxiety). I'm rarely relaxed enough to just be nervous, I'm almost always anxious.

Scale of equality (strength) between anxiety and anger for me.

Panic attack = Rage
anxious = angry
nervous = miffed

 

[madmax]

Pencil" hit the nail on the head".

However, my anger seems to be linked to massive depression and I often leave it inside of me. Then the "what if's start"...and then I loose control of my emotions and I lash out verbally inappropriately without thinking of the ramifications. And before I know it my anxiety ratchets upward and many times I cannot even identify what I am feeling uncomfortable about. I become fragmented-disassociated and I cannot say anything more about this subject.

 

[intothelight]

For me anxiety is the start of a slippery slope towards an angry outburst. If I can catch the anxiety at a low level and redirect myself, then I can stop the build up. But if it starts to build, then the adrenaline starts to pump, hyper-vigilance sets in, everything become potentially stressful, add a trigger, fear kicks in and then ultimately fight mode, and then "something" will set off that angry response.

For me, I can feel it physically and it becomes evident in my behavior. I have to physically remove my self and seek the least stimulating environment that I can. Where it becomes a problem in personal interaction is someone who refuses to give me space for a while or acts directly confrontational. I still am working on how to control that adrenaline surge when it is present, so I don't go off. I need to feel free to leave and wish that people would just let me go and get back to a set point.

It is hard to explain in words what this state feels like. I KNOW that I cannot handle stress like other people, and especially in that state even simple things like the phone ringing, temperature, a tone of voice, touch, etc. can just ramp up the adrenaline. It is like walking around without any skin on and having all of your senses put on the highest volume possible. It does hurt and when it hits your brain, rationality leaves the building. At a certain point a level of control is gone, and personally I become reactive rather than proactive in my responses and interactions.

I would love to hear from supporters and get suggestions on how to convey this message without being hurtful. What can seem like something so simple to someone that does not have PTSD, can just push me over the top at certain points. I know it is confusing for everyone, but there has to be a balance to meet the needs of all parties.

 

[Hashi]

When they're at a high level I think they're as bad as each other but in different ways.

When I have extreme anger, I feel like I can't be in my skin. I want to rip my own body to shreds. I can't sit or stand still, but have to move all the time, even if that means pacing the same three steps across the room and back all night, like an animal in a cage.

When I'm angry I destroy things, and regret it later, but it's not enough. If it's daytime I need to be outside, but I can't trust myself outside because I could easily harm someone. I have had literally murderous rages. I once savagely attacked a stranger in the street who deliberately touched me inappropriately. I could have ended up in prison, which terrified me afterwards. Inside, I'm at risk of turning that violence against myself.

When I'm anxious, it's awful in a different way, but there's more I can do. I can do deep breathing, visualisation, journalling, wrapping up in a blanket, or - last resort - take medication. When I'm really angry, the only thing that helps is to do something very physical. I can't always do that for practical reasons, and there's a risk that I'll flip over into serious violence against myself or someone else.

Anger is terrible too.

 

[Hashi]

I think people who find anxiety is inward and debilitating, but anger is outward and empowering, are perhaps experiencing anxiety at a higher level than they're experiencing anger.

 

[intothelight]

I tend to be the opposite, with extreme anger (rage) it goes inward and I become self-destructive. Seems that varies individual to individual, as to whether it is outward or inward.

 

[Core]

Anxiety hurts. It is physically painful.

Anxiety is dreadful - it is inwards directed and can't be channeled.

I agree with M'O and Pencil on this. Anxiety hurts a lot, physically, and I usually feel very weak from it. Often it makes me want to curl up in a ball in the corner of my bedroom. Rage can be painful too, but I'm usually able to calm anger/rage down, act it out by beating up a pillow, talk to my best friend and give off a tirade about what makes me angry, write about it... If the anger is there because I've been accused of something, I can do the opposite of the accusation. There are several options, more or less constructive, with anger. Anxiety, to me, is more debilitating, and there are fewer useful and constructive possible actions that'll calm it down.

 

[DharmaGirl]

extreme anger (rage) it goes inward

Me too, Hashi. I hurt myself when I'm angry. I've been able to control that lately, but it is much harder than having anxiety. I don't like to have anger at all. Now the neighbors are fighting and that always triggers me. I'm going to try to drown it out.

 

[Pencil]

and I usually feel very weak from it.

Anxiety makes me feel SO vulnerable and out of control. I LOVE the feeling of being totally enraged BUT totally in control of it. (What a waste of time and energy!!)

 

[rightkindofme]

Hashi, I think you are right about people experiencing a different anxiety/anger ratio. BlackbirdRising said more or less what I would have contributed to the conversation. It's funny when that happens. :)

I use anger to make me get up out of bed sometimes. Not lately. Lately I rise feeling secure in being loved. I'm in a good stage. It is interesting how feeling loved makes me believe that it is not ok for me to be angry around the people I love. I feel like if I am angry I should be ostracized for being bad. That makes me anxious and apologetic about being shunned again.

I abandoned my mother because I can't forgive her. I basically expect my kids to feel the same way about me some day because I have a lot of really strict boundaries.

Ok, I'm getting off topic. Ahh. Anxiety sucks.

 

[quaintpapercut]

Anxiety makes me feel SO vulnerable and out of control. I LOVE the feeling of being totally enraged BUT totally in control of it. (What a waste of time and energy!!)

I agree with most that anger is easier to deal with because its an outward projection. But for me when I'm angry I don't feel like I'm in control of it. It's volatile emotions with no rational thought behind it - and this is what scares me. What I'm capable of when I'm just a torrent of emotion no rationality. I have no regard for my safety or the safety of others.

Feeling anxious sucks but I find my rational mind drives it more.

 

[The Albatross]

I agree as well. For me the best use of anger is to channel it into motivation to change. I'm not very good at channeling anxiety... it is formless and shapeless for me... sometimes defying rational explanation or disputation. Much harder to channel into something more personally beneficial, satisfying or productive.

The best I can do is decide if it (anxiety) is based on anything in my "real" present or if it is an echo from my past or a projection of fear based thinking. Anxiety is the thing that breaks me down the fastest I think. More than anger or even rage do.