A Shift In Feelings

[Seagreen]

Lately I've been feeling different. I cant quite put a name to it. It is unpleasant. I think there is an anger component and a hopeless feeling. I've never really felt angry about what happened before. My old T said that the anger would come in time. Maybe that time is now. But I don't want to be angry! I'm afraid of anger.

What right do I even have to be angry? This is life and its hard for everyone. My experiences don't give me a reason to consider myself hard done by. The world doesn't owe me or anyone any favours.

How do I know that my anger wont get out of control if I allow myself to acknowledge it? I can feel it building up and I can tell its unhealthy and harming me. I think I need to get it out but don't know how. Help! has anyone else felt like this?

 

[Ghostybear73]

Yes, it is normal to have anger and since it is a new feeling, being uncomfortable with it is normal as well. I have major issues with anger and there a lot of ways to release it, providing you recognize it, which it looks you do. Here are some ideas:

Vigorous exercise
Beat the crap out of something (not alive), like a pillow or punching bag or go big and beat the bed
Deep breathing
Distractions-art, music, painting, cleaning (i like yard work)

These are just some ideas and I'm guessing you will get a lot help here!!!

Take care and be easy on yourself.

 

[RussH]

When we have been traumatized many of us will go through the stages of grief, and anger is one of them.
It is a way of processing the trauma and the emotions swirlling around the trauma.

You have a right to feel angry. Did you deserve the trauma you suffered? the answer is no. You are right the world does not owe you any favors, but neither should it feel it can abuse you.

How do you know that your anger will not get out of control? There are no guarentees, but if you can release it in a control setting like therapy, that will go a long ways toward controling it.

 

[arfie]

I have grown a solid belief that feelings are what they are, whichever way I, or anyone else chooses to judge them. They are not a number system which can be manipulated by my impressive IQ. The only choice I get is a) to acknowledge them and decide what to do with them or b) repress them and let them explode at a later date, according to the chemistry I am refusing to acknowledge. I chose "b" for a very long time but eventually came to believe repressing anger is like putting a bottle of nitroglycerine in my suitcase and pretending it is make-up remover. Not the most sound logic my impressive IQ has ever attempted... Yes, anger is dangerous. Handle with deliberate caution. My own caution in dealing with my anger is usually vigorous physical workouts, whether in physical labor, a trip to the gym or a long hike. I work to process the substance while I vent the gases.

Just my personal belief.

Gentle support while you sort your own Seagreen.

 

[Namenotdiagnosis]

Yes , yes and yes I have experienced these emotions of anger, and yes they made me feel really uneasy because I really can lose control. However after using techniques taught to me by my t I've learnt to deal with these emotions a little better. I do running, zumba and martial arts to relieve some of the anger. I feel it really helps. I tend to find that I get more angry and bitter after drinking alcohol so I refrain from it, it only causes me unrest . Don't be hard on yourself though go with the flow as long as you intentionally are not going to set out to hurt someone and can vent any anger and frustrations In a controlled environment you will start to learn to control it. I've been told it's all part if the healing process and trauma that I suffered over a period of my life . Good luck x

 

[Eleanor]

@arfie said this better probably, but to try to say the same thing in a different way...

Evolutionarily he purpose of anger is to fight off threats. Full activation shuts off pain and drives all your energy to your limbs so you can fight off the ravenous lion.
The idea is to defeat the lion and then the anger goes away ("the fight goes right out of you.")
The problem is that abused children aren't allowed to fight off their abusers - the threat never goes away and if fighting makes it worse... the child has to... turn off fight. That means it never gets properly trained and when it turns on again (and eventually it WILL turn on again) it will be baby anger - full force, and now that the child is not a baby acting that anger can hurt something or someone. So what to do?

Stuffing is not a long term solution - it will out eventually, and if uncontrolled/unchannelled will do harm.

So start letting it out of the box a tiny bit at a time is safe settings that give it/you something to do. Hiking is great. Punching bags are great. I like to kick things (my dog appreciates me kicking her ball so she can fetch it.) Don't kick hard things (learned that the hard way.) Yelling is good in pillows. Biting can be good on rubber stuff. Beating mattresses with your fists can be a nice outlet.

You don't have to justify being angry. You have every right to be angry. I have a ph.d. in this stuff, so you can believe me on that. You are right to be angry. Absolutely. Totally. A hundred thousand percent. Ok? I'm happy to explain why at length if you need me to do that.

Now, you have to choose; do you want to think about how you are justified in being angry and keep being angry? Or do you want to not be angry any more? If the latter, stop thinking about the why. If you are stuck in a PTSD episode reliving the abuse, then ground and calm down until you can get to a therapist and work through the thing with EMDR or something comparable to allow you to process the experience and have it become just another memory.

I don't personally know anyone who has anything to do with PTSD who doesn't feel like this from time to time.

 

[WillyKat]

Other posters have mentioned that you need to let it off in a controlled manner. Don't let it build up. Longer fuse, bigger bomb. Shorter fuse, itty bitty bombs. That's good advice.

Anger and I go back about two years now. There have been some breakthroughs on this, but it hasn't gone away. Still working. And yes, it makes me feel crappy and I want it to go away.

One of those breakthroughs while working with my T was this: I didn't hold my caregivers (parents, siblings, teachers) responsible for what happened. They didn't protect me, but as an adult, I reasoned that they didn't know, its not their fault. It was a different era (1960s) in a rural backwater within a larger backwater. Little kids being molested "didn't happen" in a nice little town like that you know. My T asked me if I wasn't letting them off the hook, or giving them a bye.

A couple of days after that session, I learned a huge lesson: to a child, it doesn't matter the circumstances. They were supposed to protect me and they didn't. My neighbor raped me in the loft of a barn and then maintained threats over me daily for the next three years. There were lots of signs that something terrible was wrong, but nobody was savvy enough to consider abuse. The child in me was hurt and angry. That kid and his anger stayed with me long into adulthood. I can rationalize their behavior with my advanced degree and all my knowledge of psychology, but the kid inside didn't see it that way. And that's where my anger comes from.

I don't know if that applies to you or not, but it's something worth chewing on.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

IFST says you should acknowledge all thoughts and feelings (parts) in order for them to be heard and thus calm down. Seems to be true for me. Ignore your parts and they'll flare up with a vengeance.

 

[Eleanor]

@Solara, Exactly. Feel 'em now, or feel 'em later with interest. Those seem to be the only options.

This seems like a design flaw to me. I'd have given people some "passes" on various emotions.:grumpy:

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I was so angry and full of rage in therapy and I was very overreactive with people and it made me so ashamed.

I think being aware of your anger will help you to learn how to manage and to express it.

You have the right to all of your feelings. You are normal for what you have suffered and good for you that you are with a therapist to help you process the backlog of feelings and thoughts, and realizations. Do not be hard on yourself I know easier said than done and know that there will be healing and recovery for you eventually.

 

[ghotiff]

What right do I even have to be angry? This is life and its hard for everyone. My experiences don't give me a reason to consider myself hard done by. The world doesn't owe me or anyone any favours.

This feels like denial to me. Maybe you are starting to truly acknowledge that it was NOT okay.

 

[WillyKat]

What right do you have to not be angry. Being angry or not being angry isn't about rights; its a naturally occurring feeling that doesn't check the Bill of Rights for clearance.

You may not have a right to act on that anger, but that's a different kettle of fish.