Relationship A Simple Question

[twopenny]

To answer the initial question, possibly. It's possible that a PTSD sufferer could attract people who are co-dependant, and vice versa. I don't think it's a given.

That said, I do take the point about the possibilities of mentally ill people attracting other mentally ill people, and think there's some truth in it (though it's not necessarily a hard and fast rule). Certainly, in the case of hub and me, we both had PTSD (undiagnosed) when we met.

 

[Kintsugi]

We went to a couples counselor, she asked him why he made up these lies about his past, about his past career, marriage etc. He said because he felt insecure because of my education and profession. She said "I understand why you would feel insecure, but that does not explain your lying-why do you make up stories?" he couldnt answer. Then she looked at me and said "why do you want to be with a man that makes up stories?"

This lady deserves a gold star.

 

[mamachick]

She was not all warm and fuzzy. We did not see her again. He question resonated within me. Within a couple of months, I discovered that he was "too much work for me" to put it politely. There are times that I miss him, or some of his good qualities, but I would rather be alone before settling. Of course it was my feelings of being flawed and broken that allowed my to stay and forgive such things. I still forgive-just dont want to be part of them.

A bit off the subject, but on it as well. I am reading an awesome book right now-"SPIRITUAL DIVORCE by DebbieFord. There are exercises to do after each chapter. It has nothing to do with PTSD but would be a good read for anyone. Even if you are in a happy relationship-it might help save it during a rocky time, if you have ever had a failed relationship-might help bring about peace. It helps reader to reflect on broken relationships but also with self discovery and owning own part in the relationship. It is excellent read-retails $16 and well worth it. I would recomend it before relationship too.

 

[Azsun]

Thank you for posting this question and topic about codependency. I just realized I have been in a relationship where I was a codependent with a sufferer. Through my self discovery and reading on this forum etc. I have learned a lot oboist this subject.

I do think that sufferers, especially those who turn to drugs and alcohol to cope, seek out and find codependent people to be dependent on. It seems that the codependent person, supporter (not to say that all supporters are codependents), feel some level of joy and purpose in taking care of the dependent, as well as feel some level of fulfillment because their caretaker nature is being fed; although this nature is in extreme.

I also think that dependents need to be justified and enabled, which only an unhealthy relationship of dependency and codependency will support.

Not that this applies to all sufferers and supporters, I do think that PTSD is a breeding ground for this type of relationship.

I have never been in a relationship of this type in the past, but this summer I believe I was. I am an extremely forgiving, understanding, and care taking type of person. I would not have gone to such extremes of caring and empathy with just anyone though in my past. This changed when I met a sufferer that I wanted to love and be loved by. I discovered that he is an alcoholic, he then began abusing drugs this summer, and was relying on me, using me, to feel better about himself and be taken care of. At first I loved how much he needed me and wanted to be with me, but then I realized he had no coping skills. If he wasn't with me all the time, he was getting himself into trouble. He did kind and giving things for me too, so it also became a mutual codependent situation sometimes.

It got bad, really bad with lies, dependency on his part on everything including me, drugs and alcohol, and food, so bad and dangerous that I realized what was happening and got out. This wasn't meant to be about me and my situation, so I won't go on with that.

I mean to say that I have been in a dependent / codependent relationship with a sufferer, and through rewind many similar stories and other things on this topic, it does seem to me that especially within PTSD, these types of people seek each other out and find each other.