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Deleted member 5760
I'm posting this for my Mum ( and for ME)
As I've already discussed, something bad happened to me and on that day I changed. I've tried to be as honest as I can with my family. I called my sister from Thailand (where I currently am because I couldn't cope) and said 'Shell, I need to tell you what happened. Because I am really struggling'. She laughed it off and told me everything was ok. Sometimes I think the family and friends of PSTD sufferers don't want to acknowledge a legitimate problem. She wasn't being unkind or unsupportive - she simply did not want to face that I might be sick. Who would? Nobody wants to see somebody they love in pain. But I felt it necessary to tell her. She can't cope with what she doesn't know.
My family have been so wonderful. I am flying home in one week and I can't wait. They have gone so far out of their way to make exceptions and I am so grateful there are no words. I think they finally understand that I am going through something that has changed who I am. I'm sure they're grieving the loss of the 'old Jen' - but she is gone. I am a new person now and all I'd like to ask is that we can possibly shake hands and get to know each other again. I think they've dealt with this realisation now, though I realise the road ahead will be as tough for them as it will be for me. My Mum is coming to pick me up from the airport. I've warned her I'm not the same, BUT, I'd still love a safe ride home. I'm crying writing this. But I'll take a deep breath and continue regardless.
When I explained everything to my Mum she said to me '3 steps forward, 2 steps back'. This is an expression I've heard echoed on this site like a prayer. And it's true. There are going to be bad days ahead when you are 'transitioning' in the way someone who has suffered a traumatic experience does. I don't want my mother to look at me as though I disappeared into thin air. I'm still here. 'It's just me Mum. Jen. Your daughter, remember me?'. I've just changed a bit. I'm deeply apologetic that my friends and family are having to take this journey with me, but also GRATEFUL.
The truth - without their support I don't know where I'd be. So this one's for my Mum and for all the carers out there
~THANK YOU~
As I've already discussed, something bad happened to me and on that day I changed. I've tried to be as honest as I can with my family. I called my sister from Thailand (where I currently am because I couldn't cope) and said 'Shell, I need to tell you what happened. Because I am really struggling'. She laughed it off and told me everything was ok. Sometimes I think the family and friends of PSTD sufferers don't want to acknowledge a legitimate problem. She wasn't being unkind or unsupportive - she simply did not want to face that I might be sick. Who would? Nobody wants to see somebody they love in pain. But I felt it necessary to tell her. She can't cope with what she doesn't know.
My family have been so wonderful. I am flying home in one week and I can't wait. They have gone so far out of their way to make exceptions and I am so grateful there are no words. I think they finally understand that I am going through something that has changed who I am. I'm sure they're grieving the loss of the 'old Jen' - but she is gone. I am a new person now and all I'd like to ask is that we can possibly shake hands and get to know each other again. I think they've dealt with this realisation now, though I realise the road ahead will be as tough for them as it will be for me. My Mum is coming to pick me up from the airport. I've warned her I'm not the same, BUT, I'd still love a safe ride home. I'm crying writing this. But I'll take a deep breath and continue regardless.
When I explained everything to my Mum she said to me '3 steps forward, 2 steps back'. This is an expression I've heard echoed on this site like a prayer. And it's true. There are going to be bad days ahead when you are 'transitioning' in the way someone who has suffered a traumatic experience does. I don't want my mother to look at me as though I disappeared into thin air. I'm still here. 'It's just me Mum. Jen. Your daughter, remember me?'. I've just changed a bit. I'm deeply apologetic that my friends and family are having to take this journey with me, but also GRATEFUL.
The truth - without their support I don't know where I'd be. So this one's for my Mum and for all the carers out there
~THANK YOU~
