Other Abandonment Issues And Fight Or Flight

[SeptemViginti]

One of my biggest triggers is abandonment, and in the last two years I have had three partners who I was deeply in love with ghost from my life to never talk to me again. I am going through another one of those times right now and I've been triggered for going on a week now. I can't calm my body stress and when I am alone I get very lonely. I have tried to reach out to friends more and more this last week and much like in the past there is no one responding or willing to make time for me.

I constantly feel like there is information I don't have, that there are people all around me that know something I don't know, that my reality is only partially true and the rest is an elaborate ruse for a goal I am unaware of. It's hard for me to trust my reality at times, that there could be this many coincidences, and that the odds are not intentionally stacked against me.

Things have continued to wear me down. And then all of a sudden, in a single moment, I get a flash of something. I get a thought pop into my head that makes me extremely fearful.

Earlier tonight, while making dinner, I just got down on the ground and held my head trying to ignore the thoughts. I wasn't hearing anything, but it was like I wanted everything to go silent so I could stop thinking about the horrible thought that popped into my head.

I have been sitting here trying to sort out what it is about being abandoned that is triggering in THIS moment? What happened when I was younger that is so horribly tied to abandonment? Can it really be as simple as being abandoned is triggering and being triggered would bring up feelings like: others are getting pleasure out of my pain and laughing about my reaction to it?

 

[Ronin]

Relating; abandonment triggers my flight something massive.

No advice. So far I've found only NOT focusing on the past, at all, to be helpful.

Attachment triggers are, at least in my experience, too uprooting to be processed with analysis *at the time they're still spinning you*. Stabilize, first. Get some firm ground, get as clear head as you can about it, get some safe distance, get the stress out, get in a healthy spot: THEN think of roots & causes.

& Others don't matter. You do. Their reaction? Isn't your problem. Or to fix. Only yours are.

 

[Freedomfighter]

One of my biggest triggers is abandonment, and in the last two years I have had three partners wh...

I have the opposite problem, I have predators who think they can just walk into my life, pretend they have a relationship with me and then pretend they walked out of that relationship. There are many more mentally ill people out there than I thought, hihi.

 

[SeptemViginti]

@Freedomfighter I'm curious, what does it look like when a predator enters your life and then pretends to be in a relationship with you? Then pretends they walked out? I'm curious because I don't know if I could recognize that happening to me.

 

[Susan hawkes]

@Freedomfighter I'm curious, what does it look like when a predator enters you...

I know I didn't recognize the lying porn addict who made me feel wanted and loved for 16 years while he was secretly masturbating to his true loves online at work until he got fired for doing so. Here 3 years into his secretive so-called sex addiction recovery, he is still a secret keeping untrustworthy liar. All I can suggest is that if you feel a strong attraction to someone, run the other way because he is pushing all the deep buttons that were installed by your original abuser and which you aren't even aware you have.

 

[SophiaWisdom]

I totally relate. My abandonment is very high right now due to some external triggers and problems with outside relationships (friends/church/family/ex you name it).

I have insomnia now b/c of it and I have to take Xanax every night and go to acupuncture 3x this week, plus use a hypnosis tape to go to sleep. I also am in therapy (EMDR + psychodynamic) 2x a week so I can start to work through the tangle it feels like.

Are you in therapy?