Abuse From My Son

[ladee]

@brat17 I am so broken hearted you have this siuation X three. How have you survived? Just one has about killed me.
And of course you a member of the SSC !!
Thank you for sharing your story about your kids.
We all have questions that will not het answered. At least not in the forseeable future. Two generations of these kids. It can't just be us. Too many factors play into this. I know kids who has it a he'll of a lot harder than mine and they are functioning members of society. So who the he'll knows.
I started this thread having no idea how many of us are dealing with this.
Its like the shame of it all has kept us quite.
We have a safe and supportive place to come to. Certainly no judgement here.
I don't know why you uhave three kids like this @brat17, but it certainly isn't because you are a crappy mom.
Here we are carrying the guilt and shame of our abusers and our kids. 28th us working together, this crap is going to change. One little miracle at a time. We are going to get healthy. That's how we are going to Do this. We are going to get healthy.
Maybe tonight when we lay our heads down, we will all be thinking of each other.
Just so proud of all of us. KSC indeed!!!!

 

[ladee]

Ahhh please forgive all the damned typos. Y'all know what I mean.

 

[mamachick]

Thank you ladee. Everyone here has been so supportive. I am not good at picking men for myself but am in general am a good judge of character, and I can honestly say that everything I have read here is so far off from what would be a realistic expectation from our adult children. I feel such compassion for all that have posted here, which really makes me a bit more compassionate for myself. That changes moment by moment but I have a feeling we are all going to find positive in this. Anymore, I do think raising kids is just a real crap shoot. I do think that a big part of the cause is how we have centered life around them. Having depression, PTSD, a physical limitation, or anything else-when I was growing up, I knew, (even in healthier families) that kids accepted and adapted. I just was telling someone that me being a smoker, if I would smoke with my 14 yr old granddaughter in the car, I could be fined $500. Of course its not good to smoke with her in the car and I generally do no. But the crazy thing is, she smokes, and I may be picking her up from somewhere she has been smoking weed, and granny would get fined. LOL That speaks volumes. Parents don't really have the ability to set limits anymore. I am just glad that I am not starting a family. We sisters are going to thrive through this and I am sure there will be many more posters to follow, which I am sorry to say.

 

[Deleted member 541]

@brat17 One of the reasons I chose to live alone 17 yrs ago.... I was forever picking losers for guys. I mean real losers. So I just said, I'm done! Haven't dated, haven't been with a guy in all those yrs. so, I get where you are coming from when you said that you are not good at picking men for yourself.......

 

[ladee]

I have been single tor over 25 yrs. I thought I had married all the gotten guys. Seems there was enough to go around. ;)

 

[ladee]

Rotten.... Damn I hate this phone!!

 

[ladee]

Update; the past few days have been really good. Got a offer to work part time and took it. Major relief about finances.
Have found other avenues to sell the jewelry I make.
Not feeling weighed down with drama, chaos and pain.
Got a text from him this evening. Saying he hoped I didn't think that FB post was about me.
My precious supportive sister's.... I felt nothing. No false hope, no joy, no anger, nothing. Of course did not, nor will I reply.
The last text I sent him simply said.. I'm out. Not doing this anymore.
I am keeping in mind what all of us are going thru. The support we have shared with each other here. My foundation that y'all helped me build. Nope not going there nor am I tempted to.
I did read something that I keep running thru my head..." Trying to reason with a naracist is like trying to nail jello to a tree"
Sort of sums up the futile energy we have wasted doesn't it.
So onward KSG, we are going to have a life without abuse. One day at a time.
Love and hugs to all of you.
@brat17, come back and let us know how you are and let us be here for you. Gentle hugs.

 

[mamachick]

So happy for you ladee. You are really mastering this.
I like the narcissist quote.
I am with you all. I am very grateful for you all.

 

[sedna]

Update; the past few days have been really good. Got a offer to work part time and took it. Major relief...

Ladee I'm sorry you had to send a text that said something so final to your son.

Its heartbreaking as a mother to come to that place and know that you mean it.

After the life that I've had , and Im guessing you feel the same way, Im not exactly a sucker for sappy sayings.

I do believe that love never dies, its never destroyed when it was truly real.

The baby that you adored, the little guy that ya couldnt hug hard enough on his birthday, is still inside this man and he is a better man for having the love you gave.

Whether he knows it or not.
every life that he touches is better, not worse , because he has that love.

He has just forgotten, thats all.

 

[ladee]

@coco9, your words are so beautiful. Thank you from my heart. I wilI always love my son. Always. If there is ever to be a reconciliation, it is up to him.
always love my son. Always. He has his own journey. I believe he knows i love him. I hope he does.He has the strength and fortitude to have a better life. I don't feel it will be forever. But it is going to take time. Keeping distance is good for both of us.it'd up to him how he wants his life to be

Thank you for such sweet gentle support. Very appreciated.

 

[sedna]

@coco9, your words are so beautiful. Thank you from my heart. I wilI always love my so...

They were our hearts with little legs that we let loose in the world long ago, with no more to give than hope.

Thank you for your kind words too, ladee.
XO

 

[ladee]

@coco9 that is a beautiful way to look at it. But I also sent him into a world when he was filled with anxiety. I didn't know how to deal with my own much less help him with his.
I am working on self forgiveness. Had I known different, ii would have done different.
So I will focus on things I can do something about. Healing my heart.
Thank you for your soft and gentle words of kindness and support. Means a lot to me.