Abused my dog back then...can't forgive. depressed..

[Cudamu]

What do you think you would get, from telling your mum? Are you looking for her to punish you? Comfort you?

No, Im not looking for punishment or anything. But it's just one of those things that you can't hide from anyone and it becomes more and more of a weight the more I keep it in. But I know telling my mum would be a mistake (I think). I mean, I told her that I just keep feeling guilty about things I've done in the past that shouldn't keep me guilty to this day, and she was like: "Well its nothing really bad is it? Like you haven't killed anyone or something?" and I said "no,no nothing like that" . Didn't tell her in the end of course. Ive been quite open with her, for example about how I did weed quite frequently and once did Ecstasy in Amsterdam and she was very understanding (not doing any drugs at the moment, haven't done anything for about half a year). But this just sounds sickening to a "normal person" . Anyway, I will start with telling my therapist..

 

[Cudamu]

Sexual curiosity is normal at that age. I wouldn't beat yourself up over it.

Yes, thats what I thought. Im sure a lot of kids do it. Its even in a scene in American Pie for crying out load... The only difference is, many people don't feel guilty about it later on in comparison with me. I feel like im weak and let anything get to me and feel guilty about even the smallest things.

 

[Cudamu]

I'm not saying not to tell your mom but my personal experience of telling family and trying to explain to "lay people"...

I just find it annoying that I'm constantly thinking about what I did back then whenever Im talking to anyone. Like, I will be talking to someone and in my head I'll be saying "I bet you don't know what awful thing I did when I was 13, I bet you would look at me with disgust if you knew.." . Im not sure if there are any pros from telling my family to be honest, cause even telling them, the guilt is still there from doing what I did. Anyway, Im gonna tell my therapist tonight, I will mention as well that I've tried expressing myself on this site and see what he says.
Again, thank you for your replies.

 

[Ovov]

Maybe try to keep in mind that most of the folks you're talking to throughout your days also very likely have some awful thing they did as a child/teen, as well.

I, too, have part of me that feels the need to spill all to release and let it go, but have since learned not everyone can handle it, nor should they be expected to, so I try to remember to take those things to my therapist instead, or to the woods, or to my stereo, or to the lake, etc.

Some things are simply way too heartbreaking to expect others to ever be able to even hear or understand, and some things are simply part of our curious psyche as the human beings we are, and most things are the sum total of all of the above and then some based on our life experience.

Having that psyche severely damaged by what others put us through in our youth by what we had done to us, what we observed, had programmed into our brains via multiple means, etc. creates fertile ground for more uncomfortable things to happen throughout our lives.

Try to be easy on yourself during the processes of working through it all.

 

[Icap]

I cannot relate as I have not had any similar experiences. I did not grow up with pets at all, so who knows how I may have acted out if I had, especially considering the things that were done to me. I see your suffering in your words and my heart goes out to you. I hope that you can talk about this in therapy and that your therapist can help you unravel things so that you can feel better. You are clearly a compassionate person and deserve to heal.

 

[Fiwesew]

Like, I will be talking to someone and in my head I'll be saying "I bet you don't know what awful thing I did when I was 13, I bet you would look at me with disgust if you knew.." .

That thought process I am very familiar with. Be careful! Yes, your mom will likely still be there and prove you wrong, that is setting yourself up.

What did your therapist say about it? I would tell them that you are wanting to tell your mom and why and gain their view and opinion on telling her. See if they think it's a good idea and why or not and why. That will help you decide.

 

[Enuro]

So I was diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder a couple of weeks ago, and I have been suffering with this for 4 month...

That stuff you wrote is quite mind boggling... you cant bear the grudge of what happened years ago.. you need to forgive and move on ... otherwise you never will.. A lot of funny people out there in this world - I was watching a documentary about the guys who are obsessed with Dolls in Japan.. its a way of life for these particular trend of people.. who wants to be with a rubber doll and take them to the park and be a companion because they are lonely and what is that ?... that is really strange !... the world is a funny place with lots of funny stuff going on... Try and move on with your life.... we have to !!!..