I just wondered if anyone had any thoughts on this.
I was told by my T. years back that since I was processing the trauma from my father that it is "like a death" actually to grieve. She also said that when he died, I would be better off than others because I've already grieved the loss of a father figure since I went full "No-Contact" as soon as I remembered the severity of abuse and confronted him/them.
She was right. It felt like his body died, but the person I thought he was died several years ago to me, so I am not grieving that loss. It was a fantasy dad after all that I really lost and walked away from, the need for that fantasy dad was so strong to get me through to adulthood.
Now, it's been a few weeks, and there was an initial flood that I expected on FB of talking about him. I've done really well and not gotten triggered! Yay! I have experienced and verbalized the emotions I have felt, and I am really proud of my progress from years back when this would have sent me for a higher dose of Xanax. I am not on any meds!
Yet, after a break, now there is more and more romantical, untrue, and sentimental stuff being posted on Facebook that is simply inaccurate. I also expected this, but I definitely am feeling the anger that the other people in my family who chose to stick by the rich dick are saying. I can see how manipulated they are by my parents, which raises my anger level a bit.
What sort of bothers me is how unable to join in on traditional "sayings" that people share in the typical American grief process I have witnessed around me that never have made any sense, and actually seem truly stupid to me. I'm sorry, but I think with my PTSD and personality, I cannot fathom how people feel that saying insipid "comforting" but obvious "truisms" to others who are grieving is "comfort."
"This will bring your family closer together," and other such opinions that do not take the actual people into account really offend me. This was said by my aunt to my sister, when my aunt knows that I am not closer to the family, having left it six years ago, and it really upsets my sister in particular. I basically cannot think of anything worse she could have said on FB to my younger sister, who essentially is codependent, tries to "fix" the messed up family all the time, and takes everything on. My sister blames herself for not being able to get me "back" into the dysfunctional and very traumatizing family. She has Stockholm through-and-through, and avoids therapy to remain in denial of her abuse. She knows it happened but pretends she doesn't know who did it.
Anyway, I wondered if people will continue these kinds of charades longer than usual per the levels of dysfunction in my extended family. Any thoughts, even of the dissenting variety, are fully welcome. Have at it. I'm ready.
I was told by my T. years back that since I was processing the trauma from my father that it is "like a death" actually to grieve. She also said that when he died, I would be better off than others because I've already grieved the loss of a father figure since I went full "No-Contact" as soon as I remembered the severity of abuse and confronted him/them.
She was right. It felt like his body died, but the person I thought he was died several years ago to me, so I am not grieving that loss. It was a fantasy dad after all that I really lost and walked away from, the need for that fantasy dad was so strong to get me through to adulthood.
Now, it's been a few weeks, and there was an initial flood that I expected on FB of talking about him. I've done really well and not gotten triggered! Yay! I have experienced and verbalized the emotions I have felt, and I am really proud of my progress from years back when this would have sent me for a higher dose of Xanax. I am not on any meds!
Yet, after a break, now there is more and more romantical, untrue, and sentimental stuff being posted on Facebook that is simply inaccurate. I also expected this, but I definitely am feeling the anger that the other people in my family who chose to stick by the rich dick are saying. I can see how manipulated they are by my parents, which raises my anger level a bit.
What sort of bothers me is how unable to join in on traditional "sayings" that people share in the typical American grief process I have witnessed around me that never have made any sense, and actually seem truly stupid to me. I'm sorry, but I think with my PTSD and personality, I cannot fathom how people feel that saying insipid "comforting" but obvious "truisms" to others who are grieving is "comfort."
"This will bring your family closer together," and other such opinions that do not take the actual people into account really offend me. This was said by my aunt to my sister, when my aunt knows that I am not closer to the family, having left it six years ago, and it really upsets my sister in particular. I basically cannot think of anything worse she could have said on FB to my younger sister, who essentially is codependent, tries to "fix" the messed up family all the time, and takes everything on. My sister blames herself for not being able to get me "back" into the dysfunctional and very traumatizing family. She has Stockholm through-and-through, and avoids therapy to remain in denial of her abuse. She knows it happened but pretends she doesn't know who did it.
Anyway, I wondered if people will continue these kinds of charades longer than usual per the levels of dysfunction in my extended family. Any thoughts, even of the dissenting variety, are fully welcome. Have at it. I'm ready.