Abuser on deadbed

[Abstract]

So very sorry. And so very complicated. And in my experience it's also the loss of the parent that was safe and being a parent but never was. But it sounds as if you are mostly dealing with all the wrong done to you. Its major cognitive dissonance. Sending you strength.

 

[katz]

I'm so, so sorry for all that's been going on and what you've been through @katz. I wish I had more time to reply.

Whatever you feel is fine. And it's important to voice it, especially out loud, even in private in the air.

Re: the will: One thing we know is we can't control other people's thoughts or actions. They could be trying to make an amend or cause more harm, or neither. We don't know that either.

The only thing I would say is if your H is your safe person/ safe place he should come if you want. Especially if it's a lot to handle (it is), +/or you feel it likely you will second guess yourself and what you hear. Having someone a bit removed helps take in more info than when you are already overwhelmed.

Love to you. Xoxoxox

Thanks for your soft thoughts, Tinyflame.

 

[Tinyflame]

Dear @katz , you are very welcome. And you deserve much, much kindness, gentleness and safety.

I think trust is built in so very many small moments, over and over. And to dismantle it intellectually enough to be able to slowly observe thoughts and feelings and reactions rather than reacting to them. Forming different associations. Not without brain power but trying to free ourselves from the past having virtually all the power.

What was done to you, and by whom, and also not done which should have been given, will likely be a lifetime struggle. But, not without gains and change. Healing takes time. Grief morphs but becomes a certain part of our fabric. But not all of who we are, and not all without some gains in our perspectives and hearts, I feel. you are strong to survive, but even stronger to survive as such a sweet person. Remember, thorns have roses too. Big hugs to you, xox.

 

[katz]

Thank you for your kind thoughts.