Dom Violence Abusive Ex Husband Wants To Have Contact With My Family

[Beemo3780]

I think it depends what state it is in. My ex managed to keep the jurisdiction in NY, which she can't refuse to see him. They will only take into consideration what she says. She lives with me in a different state than NY, and is able to say who she wants to live with, but as far as visitation, we have no say. It's been up to the court, and mostly the law guardian who pushes having access to both parents. I keep a log of everything and hand it off to her, I don't think she even reads any of it.

 

[So long ago]

To make a long story short, my ex husband, whom I was only married to for 3 years, and together with...

I was married to a very abusive man. He was a sadist.one of the things he liked to do was terrorize me.that is was the only way h e could get his rocks off. He would do things to scare me so badly and he would laugh and laugh. U have to get into your life watch your surroundings. Show him how u r so much better off happy and never let him have the opportunity to confront u. U r strong independent with no time for him.

 

[EveHarrington]

I have no idea why the court systems don't understand this type of stalker-ish, dangerous manipulation...

I don't want to turn this into a gender war because there are lots of awesome men out there. However, those in the courts IMHO can sometimes be a bit daft, following the letter of the law-------that is, the field of law is self selecting, judges are all former lawyers, and while I hate to be stereotypical, there most definitely IS a "lawyer type". But yeah, those judges-------can be completely ignorant to the idea of one not feeling safe. Unless you've been there, you have no idea what it's like or for that matter, that the feeling of "unsafe" even exists. I'll get off my soapbox now.

 

[Freedomfighter]

I have a very expensive attorney and had an advocate through Integrated Domestic Violence Court durin...

Omg, when I read your post I was sure that you also described the people that are actively stalking me, because they do the exact same thing, describe everything that is true as the complete opposite, and yes they will do everything just so you get stuck having to talk to them. They try to pick fights just so that I am forced having to communicate with these sickos. It is a sick behavior, they follow me into my workplace every day, including their friends and attempt to push themselves in front of me even though I make it very clear that I do not want to have anything to do with them.

 

[aut555]

I do have an attorney. My husband is also an attorney, but not in family law, so we've consulted oth...

This is such a nightmare to read, and l read this over and over. So sorry for what you go through.

 

[Beemo3780]

The most recent update, was my lawyer called me the other day and elaborated on exactly what he wanted from the petition he filed. She had emailed me a scribbled on piece of paper that his lawyer (a really pushy woman) wrote out to have me look at. So, not only does he want my family's contact info, he wants an itinerary of where I will be whenever I do go back to my home town. I don't even know what the reasoning is behind that. He wants me to personally drive (without my husband) my daughter to his house for Thanksgiving when he has visitation with her instead of flying. He wants unlimited contact with me, and to be able to visit my home whenever he wants to travel to where I live. And he wants to force me to take coparenting classes with him. We've never coparented.

I freaked out on the phone with my attorney and was in tears throughout the phone call.

She had to assure me that he's not getting those things, but just seeing those things on paper made me sick. My husband even agreed that she shouldn't have emailed it directly to me. Even now, I'm getting upset again thinking about him enjoying making demands like that.

Anyway, yesterday he said something rude about me to my daughter and my daughter told him to leave me alone. Which of course he got really mad about. He ended up telling his attorney that I'm brainwashing her. She's 16. She's a typical teenage girl who barely listens to me on a daily basis, and does her own thing. But she's protective of me. As I am her. Plus he's the one who was saying bad things about me to her!

It's ridiculous. And the past two days, I've been upset and on edge. I'm terrified that the court system is going to agree to any of those things.

 

[Deleted member 541]

Jesus Christ, this guy sounds like a f*cking nightmare that needs to f*cking die. I'm sorry, but if the court gives him even one of those demands, I think I would lose my mind right there in the court room.

And how in the f*ck, does an attorney even take on a client like him???? She must be out for nothing but the $$$$$, or she's a f*cking nut job too!!!!

I am so sorry, I wish I could offer you something, but right now hugs are all I can offer....:hug::hug::hug:

 

[aut555]

Omg, keep it together for you and your daughter. This guy is a sick puppy. Then everybody is enabling his twisted obession with you. Can't believe it, but, yes, l know it's true, this bs does happen by lawyers and the courts. Almost when you get married, your stuck with the guy even divorced. My ex is dragging out the divorce, thinking l would go back after 15 years of abuse with him. What planet are men from?

 

[Beemo3780]

My ex is dragging out the divorce, thinking l would go back after 15 years of abuse with him. What planet are men from?

I know what that's like too! My ex dragged out my divorce too, and had this wild idea he could "win" the divorce and be able to move back in with me. The day we were supposed to finish with court and the judge was having us sign our statements, he refused to sign. Put the pen on the table and pushed the paper away from him, then sat down with his arms folded. The funny thing was he had already been dating this other girl who was sitting out in her car waiting for him to get out of court.

 

[AmyO]

I am so sorry that you and your family are having to drag out this obsessive behavior from your ex. As we all know...they get off on control during the abuse and HATE giving it up after you get away from them. I wish I could say "trust the system" but you have to be on your guard with them my ex couldn't get to me because like you I remarried a wonderful man that protects the family the way a real man should. For that my husband is facing 10 years in jail for an abuse charge that he called into CPS. Unfortunately..CPS is as corrupt as he is and is working with a registered sex offender.

My advice would be this..take control of your life back. Save every letter of contact from everyone. See if your family might help by recording an contact that he tries to make and research your state laws on everything that you could use in court. Possibly even stalking statutes? I hope it all goes well for you. Just remember that you are strong. You got away before and at some point someone is going to see what he is doing is really off and he needs to be stopped. Good luck.

 

[aut555]

I know what that's like too! My ex dragged out my divorce too, and had this wild idea he could "win...

Shocked that he tried to pull that off in court. It has to be the control l guess. That is one reason l moved out of state, to get away from him and his control issues. Couldn't stand to divorce him in the state we resided. Worried he would show up and harass me in so many different ways. Meeting someone new but l have all this garbage baggage in my head from my ex. It takes a lot to move on from these sick fxxks

 

[Jillian French]

To make a long story short, my ex husband, whom I was only married to for 3 years, and together with...

Hi, I am not sure that using the legal system to stop your ex from his intimidating and controlling behaviour is possible in your country. It is not possible in my country. My children's father and I divorced in 1997 and he still has me followed and intimidates any boyfriends I might have. A big part of PTSD for me is the feeling of being unsafe and unable to do anything about it to make it stop. I don't have any suggestions that are helpful but know that you are not alone in having a nacisistic controlling ex continue to think he can control you.