Abusive Siblings

[Lady of Longbourn]

Ayesha, I am hoping you feel this is still all on topic but feel free to say if not.

Oh no Abstract. This is great. It is very very helpful actually. I wasn't trying to be difficult by not giving a lot of information, I just truly didn't know where to start or what to say. So I kept it simple and when people started responding I realized that way was probably better.

The "sibling" in this case is my husband's middle brother. My husband wont talk to him and I am staying out of it. It's his choice if he wants to talk with him or not. But I still needed some thoughts about it, concerns, ideas or just some general knowledge. I had no idea how to ofter support or anything.

Also, the 'child' is not his own. The child is my niece. She is 3 years old. And reporting is not possible as far as I know becasue it all took place in India. My husband is Indian.

I have never seen my husband so upset. So very deeply upset. He knew that there were some things he didn't like about his brother but I know he will never look at him the same again.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Husband wants to send gifts to his family. Everyone is included, expect the abusive sibling. His wife is included but not the abusive one. My husband will barely talk about him and I don't push it.

It's his choice. I understand his choice and support him. It's his choice.

 

[Abstract]

With knowing more about the story I have great sympathy for your husband Ayesha.I believe you are doing the right thing in supporting him.

 

[Candleflames]

As an adult that was once an abused child, I can see the courage your husband is showing in this gesture. It would have meant the world to me for someone to have said to my dad that what he was doing was wrong and that they would not support his abuse. Your husband has my utmost respect for this. I hope his brother gets the message and changes how he treats his family.

 

[Abstract]

Agree with @Candleflames totally.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Husband still isn't talking to his brother.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

My husband told me a terrible story about his father last night. I wrote about this in my diary. It was one of the more awful abusive things my father in law did to my husband during his childhood/teen years. When he was telling me this story, for a terrible moment I thought my husband was going to tell me that his father sexually abused him.

But I realized where my brother in law is getting his abusiveness- from my father in law. He saw his father abuse his mother and my husband and he thinks it's okay. He (brother in law) seemed like an angry kid growing up, rebelling and getting beaten for it. I am starting to wonder if my brother in law is actually mad at my husband. He (brother in law) doesn't seem like the best balanced person.

I lost almost all the respect I had for my father in law last night. I think my husband's also dropped a bit too. He cried. It was a rough night.